Is There Anybody Else Here With Aspberger's Syndrome?

[EweSheep]

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My daughter is that way too! She could not work out the issues with her school friends and neighbor friends she had and lost. She was getting to the point of being physical. She does not understand the conquences of her actions and does not understand why she is being punished. Her favorite quotes would be "Get rid of this stuff" and I would take it away, then she would get very upset. I thought she really wants to get rid of an item but doesn't. Does not have any empathy of hurting the cat or people but would get very upset about her favorite chicken, Gretl if something does happen to her.

Many times we have told her not to bother the cat which hates her, she would keep putting her face in front of the cat. The cat would scratch her because it is a threat and too close for comfort zone to "stared" down and dd would pin the cat to "keep her on her lap" when the cat wants to get away from her. We kept reminding her not to put her face in front of the cat's face, do not pin the cat down and just pet her on the bed, giving the cat some space and freedom if the cat chooses to get away.

She would do the same thing with dogs, which she has no fear and I am afraid one day the dog will attack her (not to be mean but trying to get away from her at the last resort).

She does have a healthy respect for horses but fearless around them. The possiblity of being kicked by them, it does not faze her but she does love her riding lessons.

I have alot of work cut out for me and her as well as her father who has similar traits (with anger issues that needed anger management to deal with his handicap).

Hubby has it too but worse in dealing with stress and trying so hard to be accepted socially isn't working for him. Too many people hated him and "what rock did HE crawl out of?" and his issues with PTSD (bullying issues from his classmates still persist, making him more over cautious and over anxious). With him and his daughter, you just don't know what their day would be like.

 

[gaited horse]

I have Asperger's. The harest part for me has been my learning disibilities and having a hard time reading people's body language. My family has had a hard time with the one track mind part.

 

[EweSheep]

Oh give me strength!

Hubby and daughter are at it! I would love to slap the snot out of both of them. Having two ADD's people going at each other wasn't pretty. Would it ever end?

 

[FireTigeris]

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I pretend to be normal, I have 'learned' body language cues- my cues are wrong, like a dog that wags the tail in aggressive mode and shows raised hackles when happy.

 

[ChickyLove]

My five year old little girl is an Aspie - she has quite a few stimming behaviors that she does on a daily basis - spinning, twirling, finger/toe tapping, etc. She is far above "average" intelectually for her age. Highly creative, but definitely off in her own little world when creativity is at it's highest, she fades into non-responsiveness when she is making something. They tried to tell me that she has OCD and possibly ADD - it's possible, she tends to hyper-focus on things. I.E, she sits down to draw a picture of a rabbit. She's not HAPPY drawing just the rabbit. Three hours later she has drawn rabbit mommy and daddy and four babies, carrots to feed them, burrows, trees and bushes, nesting material, lettuce and radishes, clouds and sky, then cut it ALL out individually and glued/taped it into a panoramic view.

Here's an article I wrote last year that may help others understand what we do every single day:

A Personal Spin On Asperger's

Often, children with Asperger’s are misdiagnosed by the medical community as being ADD, ADHD, OCD, agoraphobic, having PTSD, and a host of other issues. Often, children with Asperger’s are misunderstood by well meaning family and friends or even strangers (!) as "just having their own quirks", "disobedient and spoiled", "un-socialized and sheltered".

I cannot begin to tell you how often I have heard the latter. Travel with me for a while as I tell you about a typical day with a child who has Asperger’s. (Some events may not be RIGHT on the timing. SORRY! It’s been a busy day and at the end I’m a bit scrambled!)

The alarm didn’t go off this morning; I didn’t re-set my alarm clock since the power went out twice yesterday. It’s 8:20 though, and I’m already running late. I hop out of bed, grab my cup of coffee, check Facebook, grab the phone to call my Mom and head to the living room to relax for a few. Just as I get halfway through my second cup and shortly before I hang up the phone, my now four year old little girl spins into the room (literally), clutching her blanket and chattering so fast I can hardly comprehend what she is saying. I hold up my hand, put my coffee down and smile.

"Good morning Bonnie, did you sleep well? I'm so happy you're awake!"

The spinning continues for several minutes and she replies: "I did not sleep at all. I kept having dreams. Can I have a treat?"

At this point, I'm the one getting dizzy, she's still spinning and we haven't even had breakfast yet. I take a gulp from my cup and nod. "Yes, you can have break-" I'm interrupted by a thump and a squall. She's lost her balance and fallen on the floor. Hard. At first, I sit tight and wait to see what she's going to do. Either she'll pick herself up and continue as though nothing's happened, or she'll go into a diatribe about falling down, emergencies, and dialing for an ambulance. I sigh as I realize she's heading into a long speech. Sure enough, here it comes.

"Ooooh, oooh! I hurt myself BAD, Am I bleeding? Is there a bruise? I think I BROKE my ankle! I KNEW this would happen. I should have been more careful. It's swirling (swelling) up! I can see it! LOOK! It's RED NOW! Oooooooooooo!!"

"Okay. Let Mommy see it."

She wobbles over and crawls into my lap. I carefully inspect the "damage" and very seriously respond (even though internally I'm quaking with laughter over the whole thing!).

"There's no blood, it isn't broken, there's no bruise and I don't think you'll get one, it's not swelling up, yes, it's a little red, but that's because you fell down, next time make sure you aren't spinning near the furniture, okay?" I give her ankle a kiss and she jumps down to run to the kitchen. Believe it or not, the entire exchange has taken less than three minutes. On to breakfast!

Since Bonnie is immediately thirsty when she wakes, I offer her a cup of milk with Ovaltine in it as I fix her meal very quickly. The entire time, we talk about what our day will hold for us. What new adventure we can have, what we will learn for school, a reminder to go potty and wash hands before eating. Finally, breakfast is served. Pancakes today, with a banana, and more "chocolate" milk. We give God thanks for our food and begin to eat. Or rather, I begin to eat. Bonnie is now staring at her plate with a vacant expression and in a sing song voice saying "Round, round, round, round, pancakes are round, round, round. Pancakes are a circle. They aren’t square, or triangle, or rectangle, or star, or heart, or diamond. Pancakes are round. Puh - puh - puh! P!!! Pancakes start with P!"

I tap the table gently to grab her attention. When she glances up, I agree. "Yep, pancakes are round and start with P! Now, let's eat so we can do some fun things."

"Yes Ma'am" She quickly eats her pancake then moves on to the banana.
"Mommy, there's brown spots. Is it wasted? Are bugs in it? I don't know about this."

I knew I should've peeled the danged thing.

Breakfast is over and we move on with our day. It's time to get dressed. As we head into the bedroom, Bonnie spins down the hallway and thumps into a wall. This time though, she recovers with a smile. "That was so silly! That wall just got right in my way! Silly wall!" We share a laugh together and open a few dresser drawers. She picks out her clothing fairly easily, no socks, she can't stand the seams on the toes and "toe yuck" is no fun to try to contend with in the middle of school anyway.

I gather our school things and we head to the dining room to get started. As I lay them out, I catch a glimpse of something whirling in my peripheral view. This time, there's no thumping, no bumping and no noise. Not a peep, not a sound. She's simply spinning in tight circles. Sometimes on one foot, sometimes on two. Sometimes with her arms stretches out, sometimes hugging them close to her body. Raising my voice slightly, I try to catch her attention. "Bonnie, Bonnie Rose, it’s learning time. Come sit down now, please." She literally doesn't hear me. Her eyes are closed and a bomb could go off. She'd still be spinning. I gently tap her shoulder and she stops mid spin. "C'mon honey, we're learning about (insert current home school theme here) today. Isn't that exciting! Let's work on our learning chart together!"

We start our school day with prayer, thanking God for the opportunity to learn about his creation, and asking that we'll be able to pay attention. I mentally add on a plea that I'll be able to teach her to the best of my ability and that I won't end up messing my kid up. She especially enjoys the work sheets. The repetitive hand motion of writing letters and numbers. She becomes very angry when she thinks that one of the numbers isn't as "good" as the others. The sheet of paper crumbles and so does she. I quietly remind her that this is supposed to be fun! It doesn't have to be just like mine, she has her own way of writing and doing things. Mommy has just had more practice, that’s all. I hand her a fresh sheet and she starts again, happily. Less than two hours have passed since the Bonnie woke up, and we’re heading to the zoo today.

The taxi finally arrives and we climb in. Bonnie has her lunch box, her “taggie” and her sippy. The poor unsuspecting taxi driver enters the zoo address and we’re off. For the next fifteen minutes, Bonnie chatters non stop. Not about the animals we may see, the fun we may have, but the direction the driver is going in. Unfortunately, he has GPS. And it TALKS. “Turn left on 30th Street and drive .8 miles.” it chirps.

Bonnie chirps right back. “Did you hear that? We’re supposed to go left. WAIT WAIT there’s a red light! That means ST-OO-OP! Oh, there are cars right behind us, I hope we don’t get bumped. Is he wearing a seatbelt? I always wear mine because it’s safe. I hope he’s safe. What if we get lost? (at this point, I tell her that the driver has a little computer that will guide us there safely) What’s your name? (the poor driver glances into the mirror and quietly responds “James”) My names Bonnie. I’m four. My birthday was on May TWENTIETH! I have a cat – WAIT! There’s a yellow blinking light! You need to slow down, but you can keep going…” By the time we get to the zoo, this frazzled driver is all but throwing out of the car. I throw him an extra $5 for a tip. He definitely deserves it.

We went to the zoo today; to see the animals, learn about the letter “E”, the number “5” and the shape of a star. It was really neat, because Bonnie was able to pet a star fish, feed an elephant a few bamboo shoots, pet an aardvark, see and feed the goats (we saw way more than that, but those were the high lights of the day). There’s also a huge play area in the zoo for the kidlets. Amongst the ladders, slides, nets, and climbing areas, there is a round seat on a stand that spins (of course!). Bonnie completely bypassed the other items of interest and headed straight for it. I stood to the side and waited to see what she would do. For several minutes, she simply stood there and spun with her hand. Finally, she climbed in and using balance and her weight began to spin herself in circles.

“Is she autistic?”

At that point, I did a spin of my own and found myself looking into a pair of friendly eyes.

“Why do you ask?” I raised a brow and took a gulp of my latte. Mentally, I was preparing the standard “speech” I give when anyone has the audacity to try to dig for more information. I’ve been the recipient of sympathetic gazes, clichés, such as “she’ll out grow it!” People who “kinda” know about it “My best friends, cousins dogs groomers friend at Starbucks has a friend whose second cousins third child’s, grandson had it. Yeah he couldn’t talk. Does she talk?” and even more insulting comments such as, “You worry too much!”

“Because, my son does the same thing.” I followed the finger she pointed, straight toward a little boy sitting on an enlarged sit-n-spin type object. He was completely riveted and going just as fast, if not faster than my little tornado.

Instantly, I felt myself softening. This gal wasn’t my enemy, she was a kindred spirit. A Mommy with a kid like mine. We chatted, commiserated, rejoiced in accomplishments and strides our kids have made, talked about OT, compared symptoms and notes, chuckled, sighed, and hugged. Bonnie finally stopped spinning after about 20 minutes and made a friend named Molly (“Who wears pink and is four and likes ponies like ME, Mommy!”) My “unsocialized” little girl played with Molly for close to an hour before Molly and her Mommy had to go pick up brother at "Gamma’s house".

Suffice it to say, we made it home after a full day of learning, playing, activities and fun. After getting all the “toe yuck” out after she got home (yes, I made her wear socks to the zoo!) I sat down to breathe. Bonnie sat down in the middle of the living room floor and began to spin. I can tell she’s wearing down a bit, and after having some grown up time with my Aunt, I pull Bonnie into our bedroom to relax and calm her down for the night. We relaxed for a bit while watching Blue's Clues and eating yummies, and then it was bed time.

"Where's taggie?" she asks me sleepily as she snuggles under "green blankie".

My eyes pop open and I look around. "What do you mean, where's taggie, honey? I thought you had him?"

"No, Mommy. I don't know where I left him. I thought I brought him home!" Her eyes well up with tears and I instantly shoot from the bed to search. Taggie has been her constant companion since birth. (besides hand puppet Fred, another story for another day! I promise!) Taggie has been so well loved that I've had to sew the tag on at least nine times, and his pink has turned to a muted grayish pink. Thinking he may have been left in the stroller on the front porch, I run upstairs to tell my Aunt not to worry about the front door opening, it's just me. He's not there, and now I'm definitely concerned. After several sweeps around the house, it’s becomes very evident that taggie is missing.

I reassure Bonnie that if Jesus can take care of a sparrow, then he will certainly be watchful of a little girl who loves her blanket so much. We kneel down to pray and Bonnie folds her hands “Dear Jesus? I miss my taggie and he’s lost right now. Please bring him home safe and don’t let anyone sit on him. He doesn’t like germs. I love you and amen.” Then she began to worry. “Mommy what if Jesus forgets about taggie? What if taggie doesn’t come home?” Somehow, God enabled me to use this entire situation to describe faith to my little girl. She fell asleep quickly, without taggie and I began the phone calls to the taxi company. Finally, after four hours they located taggie. He’ll be home in the morning right around the time Bonnie wakes up.

Thank you Lord for answering the prayers of a little girl who lost her blanket, and thank you for helping me serve you by giving me challenges that draw me back over and over again.

It’s been a great day, a fun day, and now it’s a done day.

I think maybe I should have clarified one area of my article, where it speaks about me being asked if Bonnie is Autistic. She is not Autistic, she has Asperger's. Some of the behaviors mirror one another in both spectrum disorders though.

As a side note - many folks have trouble getting their child/ren treatment for these disorders, simply because insurance doesn't cover it. It's considered to be a "pre-existing condition." Asperger's children and adults are incredible individuals!

 

[goldtopper]

My 17 year old son has Aspergers.
He's a great kid-
lettered academically all 3 years of high school, 1 more to go!
national honor society member
employee of 3M in their summer program
he's finished with advanced calculus, statistics and trig

His main troubles are-
trusting people who aren't trustworthy and really anything to do with reading social cues.

All in all, he's the happiest most content kid I know. He occasionally has bouts of doubt and mild depression, but quickly overcomes this through prayer.

I couldn't ask for a better son.

 

[EweSheep]

ChickyLove, you really put a smile on my face...such an elightening child you have!

With my dd, her usual prattles would be like your daughter would say in an anxious manner or quote. This morning, she said "I can not have these clothes" I asked her why. "Because kids shouldn't have it". "Well, you are a kid and a special one and wears special clothes!" (her school requires uniforms or polo shirts/skirts/pants just at the knees/no tshirts, or low rise pants). She didn't have a problem with putting on her clothes.

Then comes with the shoes and socks.....oh no! Her whining, temper tantrums going ninety miles an hour "Kids should not be wearing shoes", etc. "I hate those socks", threw them hard against the door, along with her new shoes. I didn't respond or pay attention to it..if I did react about her throwing the shoes, it would cause her to do more of it, possibly break something. I calmly let her know that she should not throw shoes or socks because something would get broken and we won't be able to afford another one. After a few attempts to try to put her socks and shoes on, she got even angrier. I volunteered to help but she flat out refused to help. It was time to go, so one shoe on and one shoe off, she walked, crying about her shoe and I told her to get in the van and please don't kick the seat if she gets mad. Not a peep out of her. she was a bit sad this morning and I kissed her and have a good day for mommy and teacher, ok? She said I love you!

thankfully her teacher has some experience with ADD/ADHD/Aspenger's kids, bless her heart and her patience. My daughter can be trying at times.

 

[texasgal]

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Sounds much much much like my daughter!

 

[zzGypsy]

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I pretend to be normal, I have 'learned' body language cues- my cues are wrong, like a dog that wags the tail in aggressive mode and shows raised hackles when happy.

yep, me too.
I've determined that where most people simply understand other's bodylanguage and respond to it, I have to observe, develop rules, and analyze.

my favorite example: when to end a conversation.
my natural behavior is just to hold the conversation until I'm done - I wasn't able to tell when the other person was done or needed to go. I learned what the signs of wanting to end a conversation are: 1) checking their watch, 2) standing up, 3) turning their body away from me, 4) fidgeting, 5) repeatedly breaking eye contact or looking around and mostly not at me, 6) looking towards the exit/door/hallway, 7) appearing distracted, 8) mentioning other people they need to talk to or other things they need to do.
what I've learned to do is watch for those behaviors and count them... when I see 2 or 3 of them, I end the conversation from my end. If they reinitiate it, that's fine, but I open the door for the exit if they want it.

so it goes like this in my head... that's a watch check...one....... that's an over the shoulder look towards the door...two....... that's fidgeting... three. time to turn my body back to what I was doing before the conversation and give a wrap-up statement "ok, so let me know what happens."

I've gotten pretty good at the social rules... not that it ever feels smooth and natural to me, and I almost always feel like a different species, but I've gotten skilled enough that people who haven't known me long don't necessarily see the problem I have in social settings. I look "normal" to them, and as long as I attend to the rulles and being observant, its effective.

I guess it's making good use of the aspie strenghts to compensate for the weaknesses. I *like* rules, analysis, solving complex and subtle problems. I love mastering a skill, and I'm obsessive about knowing everything about a subject once it catches my interest. I find challenging problems stimulating and I'm amazingly stubborn about sticking to a problem until its solved. that's what my brain is naturally wired for.

so I've taken those natural abilities and applied them to the problem of human social behavior... observing and understanding what the cues are, what the behaviors are, what the mechanisms are that people use for unconscious natural communication. catalog them, study them, analyze them. develop a set of rules based on those observations that I can use to guide my choices about what to do.

so I'm not solving the problem the way most normal people do. but I'm still solving it. it works pretty well most of the time.

 

[zzGypsy]

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I pretend to be normal, I have 'learned' body language cues- my cues are wrong, like a dog that wags the tail in aggressive mode and shows raised hackles when happy.

on "pretending to be normal"... I'm not normal. I know that I'm not. sometimes othes know that I'm not too. if I think of it as pretending to be normal, it makes me unhappy and emotional in a lot of bad ways. If I reframe that this way, I do a lot better: "My brain is not made like yours, but it's my brain, and I'm finding ways to be just as effective as you are. maybe even more so."

its kinda like the high school math teacher who always wanted me to show my work on how I solved problems on tests and homework... His take: how do I know you understand unless you show the method you used to get there? My take: you know because I always get the right answer, so what does it matter how I get there.

If I can solve the problem, even if it's by a different method, who cares? the problem is solved. so what if I'm not "normal". the real question is, How do I make it work?