It Just Keeps Getting Better......super long rant sorry

Discussion in 'Random Ramblings' started by nightshade, Dec 29, 2008.

  1. nightshade

    nightshade Chillin' With My Peeps

    Okay so my father passed away in the end of November, which has been hard enough. He was not only my dad he was litterly my best friend too. We did everything together. Hunted, fished, went for ice cream twice a week. He had given me 10 acres as a wedding present in 2003, I never bothered to have it trasfered into my name, we live down the lane from my hubby's grandparents both of which are older in age. Not only does/ did my hubby help take care of them but pop was hubby's best friend. So I decided that they are older then my parents, my fokes are for the most part in good health, his grand parents need him and he needs them so moving can wait for now. You always think you have more time right.

    Then a 19 months ago my dad became ill Very ill, mini strokes early onset of alzimers and then around 6 months ago combative demetcha. (sorry for the horrible spelling of these I am crying so hard I can barely see the keys) Not able to just pick up am move at the moment, and being worried that if I took DH away from his grandfather it would kill him. So from 25 miles away I tried to help comfort my dad and spend as much time as I could with him, and most of all help my mom keep it all together. And we start to slowly, very slowly start to move.

    Lawyer appointments for my wedding present being delayed cause frankly I thought taking care of my dieing daddy was more important. We finally get our perk test and start to transfure the piece over in my name. In the process of survying the property we discover that the cabins are not on that piece anywhere so dad decides to just give us the entire piece 19 acres instead of just 10 acres. Which after waiting for almost three months after the signing the deed shows up in the mail. This was not the spot that when I got married I had said I wanted. That spot I could not have cause it would disrupt the rest of the family's hunting spots. It was a piece my dad had chosen for me. At the time it upset me but now it means so very much.

    Did I mention that my dad had 4 other kids from a first marriage? That one lives less the 2 miles away and has not seen his father in 4 years even though he knew he was sick and not going to get better. That he lives in a house that my dad basicly gave him. They only quit talking when my dad refused to give him more land and part of the family campground to use to pay off his morgage with?
    That none of the other kids have come to see him in ten years except to ask for money that they did not get. And the youngest of them is 40+ years old.

    Flash forward to two months ago. My dad gets even sicker everyone in the area knows it, it is not a hidden secret. He ends up in the hospital with combative demencha ( parden the horrible spelling I am crying and can hardly see the keys) early onset of alzimers, mini strokes, and now he has an unidentified lump in his intestines that was not there a month earlier when he was in for his last tests.

    My dad goes in for surgery on the 4th of Nov with terrible odds for an intestinal resection, but it was a no good choice situation. Either we do the surgery or you have 6 months to a year for it to eat your organs and it is not a big window of when we can do it. Dad is deemed able to make his own choice and he does. So AGAINST my dads wishes my mom calls my dads other kids to tell them what is happening and if they want to see him they should.

    They all show up put on a huge show at the hospital he has been in for over a month with exception of the week they sent him home to gain strength and get his papers in order if he need to. Dad looks at a nurse before going in the OR and says, do they really think I am gonna die and leave them something cause it is the only reason they would be here.

    Dad lives through the surgery much to all their surprises. They don't even wait to see if he comes out of recovery, litterly it was "oh he made it okay we are gonna go home" He spends 2 weeks in the iccu no one but my mom can see him cause that is what he had legally written up before he went into the hospital. He comes out of iccu for a week and then has a massive stroke while still in the hospital lives another three days with no use of his motor skills at all. He could not hardly speak, just mumble and cry. The day before his stroke he says to my mom, that he is tired and don't know how much longer he can fight but he has to protect her. My mom spent that last week with him 24-7 and even held his hand as he died.

    All the paper work ( wills ect) was all taken care of over 2 years ago so everything is all in order. All is in order according to our lawyer so all is good, non of his kids can touch anything the will says they get nothing. it is over right....... wrong.

    As usual it was too quite for too long. We have for the past 4 years had problems with the ones that live near us. The state police have a running record of complaint calls from us about them for at least 3 years. When my dad went in the hospital he had cameras installed to try to protect his house, his things and my mom from them while they were at the hospital all the time. Because they admitted to breaking in the house before until it was time to talk to the cops.

    So today we find out that they are planning to sue me and my mom for wrongful death in order to get the property they were told that they are not to have. Including the piece that was my wedding present. Because they deserve it cause they are his kids.

    You have no idea how angry this makes me. He died thinking they all only wanted what he could give them. They have not even called to wish him and happy birthday or merry Christmas nothing for the better part of a decade. When he got sick it was well we don't want to see or remember him like that. Meanwhile I would still go to see him no matter how sick he was at least two, three times a week. My mom hired a girl to come in and help with him while she had to work three days a week in the early mornings, to pay the medical bills that threatened to take their home that the medicare would not pay.

    He had grand children he had not seen since they were born 20 yrs ago and great grand children he died never knowing existed and they all want their share of the pie. None of them ever offered to help with him, the bills or even the house hold chores that got tossed aside to spend the last few months my mom got to with my dad. A man she had been married to for over 30 yrs!

    Sorry this is so long but I really needed to vent and of course no one is up but me.
  2. Mahonri

    Mahonri Urban Desert Chicken Enthusiast Premium Member

    May 14, 2008
    North Phoenix
    My Coop

    Why is it your fault he died? These siblings of yours are crazy.

    That is just silly. Problem is, without tort reform, frivolous lawsuits will continue and the only ones who win are the lawyers.

    So were you served? Was your mother?

    You'll both have to get a good lawyer and pray he can talk a judge into throwing the lawsuit out.
  3. cherndon712

    cherndon712 Chillin' With My Peeps

    Jan 1, 2008
    [​IMG] I'm so sorry you're dealing with this all by yourself. I can't offer my advice, but I can wish well for you and yours. Just do all you can to ensure that they don't get what they don't deserve in the first place!
  4. unionwirewoman

    unionwirewoman Chillin' With My Peeps

    Sep 14, 2007
    Kalispell , MT
    I'm so sorry...I'm not quite sure what to say that no-one close to you hasn't already said . Life sure is a roller coaster . There are many ups and downs . Sounds like if all of the will is in order , and if the nurses and docs deemed him to be sound of mind , your nutcase siblings don't have much to go on . Do as Mahroni sais though , at least contact a lawyer and get a preliminary consult to see where you stand .
    I never could understand why people are so greedy...makes me sick . Seems like most just wait to see what they can gain to make their lives better than actually bettering themselves .
    Hang in there...and just remember all of the good times you had . Those so called idiots never got to experience the love and family you cherish to this day spending time with your dad .[​IMG]
  5. English Chick

    English Chick English Mum

    Jun 27, 2008
    Cheshire UK
    It is imperative that you get professional advice urgently......we can give all the advice in the world, but we are not lawyers....make yourself "promt" notes before you go so that you dont forget to tell the lawyer everything and make sure it is someone who speclised in Family and Probate Law...good luck
  6. Jena

    Jena The Welsh Witch

    Nov 2, 2008
    Nightshade ,

    I empathise with your situation completely. I have been going through this myself for the past 3 years.

    I cared for my mother for 12 years with progressive Dementia. My one son even took a year away from work to stay with her so I could continue to work ( I had to pay my own mortgage.) She refused to be left alone,and would be extremely violent.

    We stayed there 24/7, and then my elder son contacted my brother when she was in a temper and arranged for her to go there for a weekend. I was away overnight on business for the first timesince her illness, and could not stop this when I came home, she denied she was going at all.

    Within 2 days, despite all the medical evidence he had a New Will and had taken Power of attorney, I knew nothing. A few weeks later she came back to me and kept saying my brother had done something wrong but police refused to investigate. I had her in my home, as my brother had cleared her property. WE had no money for her, as he was getting her pension. In the end, she was admitted to hospital for assessment while we found a suitable home that could care for her, as she was taken to a residential home and beat up my son when he went there as well as staff.

    She was only there for 2 hours. The service providers at the hospital, after 4 months, discharged my mother to my brother while I was in work, and she was returned to his home and I never saw her again. She was there for 2 years. She was never supervised, we had no access and police said it was domestic dispute and would not intervene,

    I was informed of my mother's death while driving home from work one night, and by a neighbour who knew they wouldnot inform me. We were threatened and abused when I tried to talk to my brother about the funeral and the authentic Will, as I still had no knowledge of his actions.

    My brother is an alcoholic, as is his partner, and when I was given full knowledge of what had happened I started proceedings, I have been fighting them for 3 years, at huge expense, and they have admitted what they did was inappropriate, now my brother is putting all invoices for work done on my mother's house which is at the end of my street and trying to take more than his share of the half of the inheritance. He has done nothing to the house and it is in a terrible mess, after he has ben letting it and earned in the region of £24K from the rent.

    my mother and father built their own house, which is at the end of my street, I pass there every time I leave my house. I have also kept a photographic record of all actions there,and the state of the place now.

    I am now reaching the end of the legal road, after paying 3 solicitors, and still with a lot to pay out. But after all this time, the distress and pain it has caused has had a real impact on my own health, and I STILL have not been able to even think about my mother in the last 2 years of her life.

    I don;t know if I can ever even consider what she went through in that house, she hated my brother's partner and was afraid of him. I had had to rescue his daughter and step daughter in the past, because of his drunken rages.

    The only way I can gain justice for my mother is to keep going with this. This is my real brother, not a half brother, he is my full brother who would not have his house he lives in now if I had not talked to my father for him to lend him £10K, so you are not alone.

    There is no justice unless you can afford it. Believe me and then it depends on the solicitor you employ.

    Just keep going and stick to your guns. it is hard but right will prove itself in the end. I wish you well.

  7. Rhett&SarahsMom

    Rhett&SarahsMom Chillin' With My Peeps

    May 8, 2008

    My mom dealt with similar when my dad passed away from complications of a massive stroke back in 94.
    Suddenly my half sister and her two sons were there crying. And my dads widow(my folks had divorced several years before) was unreal.
    She demanded that my mom sell the house that my mom had been paying ALL the bills on for YEARS(mortgage, repairs, utilities)
    Demanded that SHE get his VA benefits AND his SSI.
    Luckily my dad had taken care of a lot of stuff when he was diagnosed with MS. But my mom still had to get an attorney and go to court to make the b&*% go away. Not fun.
  8. Rosalind

    Rosalind Chillin' With My Peeps

    Mar 25, 2007
    Unfortunately, a death and property to be divided up--or even the PERCEPTION of property to be divided amongst heirs, whether it actually exists or not--seems to bring out the jerk-ish-ness in relatives.

    Get a lawyer, a good one, ASAP. Never never never put off lawyer appointments when it comes to this sort of thing. Make sure you have ALL the paperwork in order, not just relevant to the property but including insurance and so forth. And remember that verbal wishes your dad expressed are exactly as good as the paper they are written on--in other words, if it's not written down and witnessed and legal, it might as well not have happened.

    As much as it hurts, it also doesn't matter that the other siblings did not put in as much care or were not as close to your dad as you were. It's unfortunate, but those things don't count in court.

    An example of why they don't count: My FIL is currently at death's door. DH and I live quite far away, so we see him perhaps once a year. FIL's wife is physically abusive and has put FIL in the hospital more than once with her abuse, yet he hasn't divorced her and at this point, isn't likely to divorce her before he croaks. Should the woman who regularly beats him and starves him (he can't get around to feed himself, he has a visiting nurse but not every day) be given more of his estate than his sons--even though his will specifies that his sons are to receive whatever remains of his estate after his bills are paid? Undoubtedly FIL's wife will argue in court that she "took care of him" and "was there for him," but in fact she is the source of many of his ailments. He'd be a lot healthier if he was being properly fed and, you know, not smacked around so much or allowed to sit in his own waste for hours. Sorting out this kind of he-said she-said case is often not possible, and just about everyone will feel slighted in some way no matter what, so all they can do is go by the most recent documentation they have. Best thing for you is to make sure all the documentation is in order, including the police records--that shows they are harassing you over the issue.

    I wish I didn't know this from experience...
  9. Jena

    Jena The Welsh Witch

    Nov 2, 2008
    Thank you Rhett&SarahsMom,

    I hope your mum is fine now, it is so hard to accept that people can behave like this when a loved one has died, it takes away the dignity of their lives and all of their efforts.

    Jena, x
  10. TT

    TT Chillin' With My Peeps

    Apr 11, 2008
    [​IMG] [​IMG] I'm sorry you have to go through this.

    I fear I will be in the same situation when my Dad is gone, he was diagnosed with lung cancer last Christmas. He has 2 daughters (who were teenagers when I was born) from his 1st wife and they were raised by her. As long as I can remember (I am 36) they only ever came around or called when they needed money or a place to stay. They have treated him like crap and to this day they don't check on him, haven't been to the hospital when he's been in - the past 2 Christmases he spent in the hospital, thank God this year he did not.

    I have seen Mom & Dad's will and I know that it and Dad say they don't get anything, but I also know that they are conniving and will cause as many problems as possible. I just hope I have the ability to control myself cause I don't want to go to jail.

    Get some legal advice before the crap hits the fan - I hope everything works out well for your family.

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