I haven't been able to catch my breath for hours. I keep inventing things to do to take my mind off of what is going on, but everytime I sit down I can't breathe! On a lark today I picked up a pregnancy test after things that should have happened a few days ago didn't. I figured I would just take it and it would get it off my mind. Then I could relax and things would happen natural, or maybe not. Women in my family have always had really early menopause. Well you guessed it...I"M PREGNANT! I was done having children five years ago. I planned to have my tubes tied, but my daughter was an emergency delivery and had to be rescusitated at birth. In those circumstances they won't do tubals. So now grey headed me is having a baby. What am I going to do with a baby. I'm horribly out of shape. I'm overwhelmed to no end trying to care for my disabled daughter. I can't imagine trying to handle a baby and my little girl, she in most ways is still a baby herself, though she is five and a half. A very jealous and clingy baby. My horses are my stress relievers, but pregnant ladies are told not to ride. My garden and my farm are what I lose my troubles in, but I don't know how I will do it all now. Don't get me wrong, I know there is a blessing in here somewhere. I'm just having a hard time coming to terms with the changes. I just feel soooo overwhelmed. I know there will be talk, folks will talk about how unsmart it is of me to have a baby, while I'm raising Bethany. They will talk about my one income family having four children. My MIL will have a fit. She is going to be so ugly about this. Afterall, who has four children anymore....yeah, I know lots of folks do, but we aren't suppose to according to some. I went out in our shop and there sat all of Bethany's old baby stuff. I had put her swing, bouncy seat, baby tub and several other things together last week to make sure all of the parts where there. I was giving it all to a friend's new granddaughter next weekend...my friends are having grandchildren. I wouldn't need it again afterall, I was done having babies. Guess I had better rethink that. The thing is when I saw the baby stuff, I remember the excitement when buying it and I remember feeling her move. I went through a tub of maternity clothes I had planned to throw out that I found when I was pulling out the baby swing. I know I'll feel better about this soon, but boy I could use some encouragement right now. BuffOrps, if your reading this, we aren't telling the kids yet, or anyone else. So if they are with us this weekend don't mention this in front of them.