I've Been Hyperventilating for Three Hours..***update pg 6***

[GwenFarms]

I haven't been able to catch my breath for hours. I keep inventing things to do to take my mind off of what is going on, but everytime I sit down I can't breathe! On a lark today I picked up a pregnancy test after things that should have happened a few days ago didn't. I figured I would just take it and it would get it off my mind. Then I could relax and things would happen natural, or maybe not. Women in my family have always had really early menopause. Well you guessed it...I"M PREGNANT!

I was done having children five years ago. I planned to have my tubes tied, but my daughter was an emergency delivery and had to be rescusitated at birth. In those circumstances they won't do tubals. So now grey headed me is having a baby. What am I going to do with a baby. I'm horribly out of shape. I'm overwhelmed to no end trying to care for my disabled daughter. I can't imagine trying to handle a baby and my little girl, she in most ways is still a baby herself, though she is five and a half. A very jealous and clingy baby.

My horses are my stress relievers, but pregnant ladies are told not to ride. My garden and my farm are what I lose my troubles in, but I don't know how I will do it all now.

Don't get me wrong, I know there is a blessing in here somewhere. I'm just having a hard time coming to terms with the changes. I just feel soooo overwhelmed. I know there will be talk, folks will talk about how unsmart it is of me to have a baby, while I'm raising Bethany. They will talk about my one income family having four children. My MIL will have a fit. She is going to be so ugly about this. Afterall, who has four children anymore....yeah, I know lots of folks do, but we aren't suppose to according to some.

I went out in our shop and there sat all of Bethany's old baby stuff. I had put her swing, bouncy seat, baby tub and several other things together last week to make sure all of the parts where there. I was giving it all to a friend's new granddaughter next weekend...my friends are having grandchildren. I wouldn't need it again afterall, I was done having babies. Guess I had better rethink that.

The thing is when I saw the baby stuff, I remember the excitement when buying it and I remember feeling her move. I went through a tub of maternity clothes I had planned to throw out that I found when I was pulling out the baby swing. I know I'll feel better about this soon, but boy I could use some encouragement right now.



BuffOrps, if your reading this, we aren't telling the kids yet, or anyone else. So if they are with us this weekend don't mention this in front of them.

 

[mangled]

Aw hon, I *so* understand.

My husband and I lost a child to cancer four years ago, and I was NOT NOT NOT having any more children. I was struggling through a ripping depression, barely taking care of myself, and then I started getting sick in the mornings.

We were crazy careful, and still got pregnant. It forced me to get myself together. I quit smoking, quit drinking, got myself off all the pills my doctors said would help me.

My little boy is just the answer to my searching. I have a new perspective on life.

Nothing will ever take the pain away that I have from losing Maddie, but getting up and living again, I feel a little better every day.

Don't search to hard for the purpose. God sent you a blessing, and it will all work out.

I'll say a prayer for you tonight.
Em

 

[jackiedon]

I know it's got to be overwhelming. My sister has a special needs child and then had a child 3 years later. It's not been easy and thank God for wavier system. But her youngest is in college and the special needs daughter is 26 and still like an infant. She also had an alcholic husband who supported her none.

You can do it. My husband's oldest daughters are 31 and 26 and our daughters are 14 and 12. He says that he loves his oldest daughters the same but he enjoyed our daughters as babies more because he was older.

I will take those buff orphs now.


jackie

 

[GwenFarms]

Quote:
Thanks so much Em. I'm so sorry for your loss. Since Bethany has been born, I've had alot to deal with. Her disabilites are very involved. She brings me untold joy, but part of me still mourns the loss of who she could have been and was up until the doctor's made a big mistake minutes before her birth. They hit her umbilical cord during a late term amnio. I'm filled with resentment that I never talk about. I'm full of fear for her and our future and I never talk about it. I'm so scared of things going wrong this time and even if they don't, I'm having a hard time picturing a baby in the mix.

Maybe like you this baby is here to bring me out of all of this. We'll see.

 

[yellowdragon]

I'm sorry you are take this so hard. I now sort of how you feel. I had no plans to have kids. and then I found out I was pregant 2 months after geting married( I was 18 just out of high school). It was hard to adapt. I got a severe case of post pardum depression, it last for a year. I think that year was the hardest of my life, I don't remember much, Just the feelings I had. I still(Gracie is 5yrs old now) can't look at her baby pics without crying because it brings back that feeling. well when she turn 2 I got pregant again. and went through the depression again( for 6 months). It wasn't as bad.(Logan is 3yrs old) And then right after Gracie turned 3 she was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. She has had it for 2 years now. and it has been a struggle.

I know many people who have alot of kids. It has to be alot of hard work taking care of a special needs kid. My mom works at a school for severe cases. I hope you can pull through this. It should get better. Try to pull a support system together. It could be friends, famliy, or people who have kids with the same conditions as your daughter. You could even find local people from schools or programs to talk to. It really helps to talk to someone, ( that won't judge you). I always say forget what people. say. MY MIL thinks I'm crazy.
I could keep talkin. I hope this helps. you can pm me to talk or I could give you my mom's email if you need to talk to someone who deals with this on a regular basis.

 

[AhBee01]

You are right there is a blessing in this somewhere! Maybe God sent you this new baby to help Bethany. You just never know! I know lots of folks with 4 or more kids. As for what everyone else thinks to H E double toothpicksto them!
It is none of there business.
When this all sinks in, you will feel better about it. In the mean time, I'm sure you can ride a few more times before it would be a bad idea! If not you can still spend time with the horses, brushing them can be your new quiet time!
You can still garden, just be smart about it and wear gloves. In case kitties used the garden!
Take care of yourself!
Brenda

 

[shortcake1806]

HUGS. Finding out you're pregnant even if it's planned is shocking, so I can only imagine what you're experiencing.

Things will work out. Don't worry about what others say. They aren't you and don't live your life. They don't come to you for approval do they? Don't let fear of other's opinion take away your joy.


No matter what this baby will be a blessing.

 

[ilovemychickies]

My mom knows exactly how you feel. She's pregnant right now too. Mom had been EXTRA careful about trying to avoid getting pregnant because mom really wasn't planning on having another baby, yet it still happened. We've already been through three miscarriages.

Anyway, I bet that your baby will be just fine. I'll be praying for you and your family!

 

[hazelton farms]

It'll be ok. With three kids already and your sister, one more child won't seem like much extra... It really won't! I have four, Cindy (Asher) has got four, a lady down the road from me has 9, another lady that showed up for goats last week had four, another friend of mine has five..I know LOTS of people in the military that have four or more kids! (I think we get to missing our spouses too much! LOL). You'll be alright. Just breathe, do the things that make you happy for a while and just try and think of the positives and not any possible negatives. Once you think of enough of them, the whole thing will seem like a big ol' YEA for the plus side!!

Stacy

 

[carwinew]

Don't rule out riding horses this quick. We have friends who rode horses their whole pregnancy without problems to them or their unborn little ones. I remember reading about a barrel racer a few years ago who refused to stop entering rodeos and kept at it til her 8th month - everything was fine but she did have a big baby. Exercise is supposed to be good for pregnant women and riding is good exercise. Ask your doctor if riding a gentle horse would be okay. No english jumping or rodeoevents just a ride at an easy pace.