Just Need a Rant (Trigger Warning)

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Willowhisp said:
Everyone has pain, others hide it better than others, I can be a master at times, I know. But there's a sick kind of joy in knowing that there are others that are going through and have gone through what you are. A sick kind of happiness that someone else is enduring the pain we are. And that in itself is hurtful... that we find joy in the fact that someone else is in the same amount of pain that we ourselves are in...
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I've been told... That when you think you have it bad, there's someone else out there who has it worst.
Don't worry! You're not alone! :hugs :hugs
 
Getting home today was a nightmare. The ride to my stop was fine, I got to sit in my lover's arms for the entirety of the ride and share the sweet nothings that couples often do. Until my stop, where I needed to pick up my siblings and walk them up the hill to my house. My brother apparently saw the strain in every one of my movements and didn't cause any problems today but my sister had a full meltdown all the way up the hill because I didn't help her carry her stuff that she insisted on getting. (All three of my siblings are half siblings and all are autistic...) Upon getting home it seemed my mother was in a good mood. My mood was off kilter because of my lack of happy pills in my system, and still is. I tried my best however and did a couple small things around the house and tried to have my siblings pick up the floor. I settled onto my mom's bed to watch the tiktoks she had sent me while I was out today and that took the better part of an hour. When I was done I set the tablet down and curled onto the couch to possibly take a nap. But at that time my mom decided to get up... which she doesn't do often... when she got up she decided to fight with me over my innablitly to function, which wholly isn't my fault today... I went upstairs and fought with her some more over the walkie talkie for another 20 minutes... finally we came to the same conclusion, I would do a few more things around the house and then go to bed. I went downstairs, watered all 33 snakes, did dishes, and made her food. Then I went back upstairs and took a shower. About 10 min after I got out, I shakily avoided another fight with her about whether or not I 'properly' cleaned out one of the snake water dishes.. now I'm in bed, the kids finally asleep, my mother and step father watching their show...

this was a typical work day... weekends are awful and days she's in a bad mood suck ass (excuse my language)
 
Willowhisp said:
Getting home today was a nightmare. The ride to my stop was fine, I got to sit in my lover's arms for the entirety of the ride and share the sweet nothings that couples often do. Until my stop, where I needed to pick up my siblings and walk them up the hill to my house. My brother apparently saw the strain in every one of my movements and didn't cause any problems today but my sister had a full meltdown all the way up the hill because I didn't help her carry her stuff that she insisted on getting. (All three of my siblings are half siblings and all are autistic...) Upon getting home it seemed my mother was in a good mood. My mood was off kilter because of my lack of happy pills in my system, and still is. I tried my best however and did a couple small things around the house and tried to have my siblings pick up the floor. I settled onto my mom's bed to watch the tiktoks she had sent me while I was out today and that took the better part of an hour. When I was done I set the tablet down and curled onto the couch to possibly take a nap. But at that time my mom decided to get up... which she doesn't do often... when she got up she decided to fight with me over my innablitly to function, which wholly isn't my fault today... I went upstairs and fought with her some more over the walkie talkie for another 20 minutes... finally we came to the same conclusion, I would do a few more things around the house and then go to bed. I went downstairs, watered all 33 snakes, did dishes, and made her food. Then I went back upstairs and took a shower. About 10 min after I got out, I shakily avoided another fight with her about whether or not I 'properly' cleaned out one of the snake water dishes.. now I'm in bed, the kids finally asleep, my mother and step father watching their show...

this was a typical work day... weekends are awful and days she's in a bad mood suck ass (excuse my language)
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I'm so sorry about your day! :hugs:hugs:hugs:hugs I'm sorry about the fighting with your mom! :hugs:hugs I'll be praying for her like I'm praying for you! ❤️
 
Willowhisp said:
oh, and I brushed my mom's hair out and braided it for her... with no thanks...
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You do realize, that you're a very good daughter, and even though you don't see it, and maybe she doesn't either, but I really think that your mom would be lost without you. You do so much for her! :hugs:hugs
 
I know some of the reasons my mom and I don't get along, but sometimes I wish we did, because we could probably be really good friends too if we did... I understand that she had me exactly 6 days before her 16th birthday and that she probably blames me for where she is right now in life... (Like I asked to be born, ugh)... I know she's a narcissist, I know she resents me for not f**cking up in life where she did, I know that we have the same zodiac sign, virgo, so both of us feels the need to be on top... but what I don't understand, is why she can't put in the same amount of effort I do to try and get along with her... why can't she understand that I would probably never get over her death if her sickness were to kill her right now... why can't she get that she is not the only one in this world that can feel pain... I heard her and Cecil (my step da) fighting one day and he said outright, "The world doesn't revolve around you, other people matter too." To which she responded, and I quote, "Yes it does."...
 
All4Eggz said:
Wow! 33 snakes is quite a lot!

You did a lot of work! Great job ❤️
Do you have any pictures of the snakes?
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I love my snakes and that is the minimum I do every day... I live on two acres with well over 20 species of animals on my property and I pretty much take care of my siblings.

*mock scoffs* of course
Lacy Duckwing said:
You do realize, that you're a very good daughter, and even though you don't see it, and maybe she doesn't either, but I really think that your mom would be lost without you. You do so much for her! :hugs:hugs
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I feel like a failure of a daughter but that is because a child's brain is genetically hardwired to try and please your parents but somehow, it's never enough with her...

I feel like the entire family would be lost without me sometimes tbh... I'm the one that does 90% of the cooking and cleaning and laundering and caring around the house. I'm the only reason my great grandpa doesn't have an all out war with all 3 of his son's and his one daughter... there's so many things that I'm at the center of that I don't think she realizes anymore... she threatens daily to send me to jail or to kick me out on the streets...
 

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