Kind of PO'd and upset, friend who is Bi-Polar

[Chicabee19]

It was lovely of you to even think about having your friend with such problems live with you!

We had a close friend with major issues that we invited to live in our rental out back of our house.

After three years we finally had to make it clear he should find another place unless he agreed to stay on his meds and allow someone to monitor that.

He moved away up north and after having an outburst at a police officer, he finally got serious treatment and is doing great.

Severe bi-polar illness is probably the most awful thing to suffer from, in my opinion. In and out of the hospital must be terrible. I have a friend who goes into the hospital several times a year. She recommended reading "Madness - a Bi-Polar Life".

Prayers for your friend.

 

[lockedhearts]

We have been true friends for years. She does not go to funerals, but was absolutely there for me when I lost my son. Over the years we have spent countless hours talking on the phone and visiting when I went back home.
She has come up to visit a couple of times and it was great.

I truly was just trying to look out for her best interest, as a good friend would. Had the tables been reversed I would expect she would do the same for me.

I think for now I am going to step back and if she wants to call me then fine, if not, I will deal with it.

I will not, from here on out get sucked in to this. Financially right now I can't, I do what I can for her, she is on disability and doesn't get much each month. I have always sent "care packages" to her food, clothes, goodies of other sorts.

 

[ninjapoodles]

To be fair to the "local friend," she is only going by what she's being told by the ill person, which of course is warped. What's tragic is that neither one of them have an honest grip on what's going on--one because her brain is "broken," and the other because the only information she's getting is coming from the aforementioned broken brain.

Your friend has found a "fixer," another co-dependent, to champion her cause. While I might gently suggest to that person that she needs to tread carefully and get all sides of the story before acting, when it gets right down to it, she's probably going to have to learn through hard experience, just like you have.

You're in charge of your own personal boundaries, and you have the benefit of physical distance to help you there. You can help, not help, or make any help conditional on certain requirements, like you did in the first place. What you can't do is just "fix" it...no matter how badly you'd like to. Believe me, I understand. :aww

 

[Buff Hooligans]

Wow, judging by all the wonderful responses from the people after my post, I need a lesson in compassion and understanding! Next time I'll be more nice if I post in a thread like this. (Humbled)

 

[Katy]

We've got a friend who is bi-polar. As long as she stays on her meds things go fairly smoothly. But when she goes off them it's a roller coaster for everyone around her. We live in different states, but I've had her show up on our doorstep with her child in tow out of the blue when she's been on the manic end of things. Not always an easy illness to deal with.....especially when they get it in their heads they're ok now and don't need their meds anymore.

 

[ninjapoodles]

Quote:
That statement alone illustrates incredible compassion and empathy on your part.

I don't think you said anything unduly harsh, and it was all very accurate. "Tough love" is still love.

 

[ninjapoodles]

Quote:
That is, I think, the worst thing of all for "normals" to have to deal with. It's called "anosognosia," and it's part and parcel of this disease for over 80% of bipolars. It's a lack of insight that keeps people from being ABLE to understand that they are sick. A really, REALLY good book on the topic is "I Am Not Sick, I Don't Need Help " by Dr. Xavier Amador.

Dr. Amador also has a WONDERFUL presentation on the topic available for viewing, free, on Google:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?d...ei=3-LbSLGROoTyqAP3rLXkCw&q=anosognosia&hl=en

My husband is Bipolar I, but we are very fortunate in that he is one of the <20% who is capable of insight. He is in charge of his treatment, and very responsible about treatment and meds. This is exceedingly rare, given the total population of bipolar people, and we're grateful.

 

[Rusty Hills Farm]

Bi-polar is a terrible, terrible life destroyer. My daughter and her husband found this out the HARD way. They tried to be helpful to a bi-polar neighbor. Then, after being friends for months, she stopped her meds for some reason. Without medication, things got really, really bad. At one point she called the police and told them my SIL had raped her. What followed was an 18-month NIGHTMARE that cost my daughter and her family every single thing they owned--house, car, credit cards--trying to pay legal bills. He almost lost his job. Finally, when it began to look like my SIL might indeed go to prison for something that never happened, this poor soul stopped taking her medications again. At the deposition, she stood on the table, screaming and crying and tearing off her own clothes. The assistant DA had her Baker-acted for her own safety and FINALLY understood what my SIL and his attorney had been trying to tell him for all those months. He had never seen her off her medications before and didn't believe them when they tried to tell him how bad she was without her meds. He dropped the charges.

Of course, that didn't return all those legal costs or unforeclose his house. They had to start all over again from scratch.

It is a horrible, horrible condition that can destroy not only the person afflicted, but everyone in their shadow.

H

 

[eastTNchick]

 

[lockedhearts]

Sue had a horse that she bought a few years ago, kind of keeps her "sane". Anyway, the horse ended up getting sold. Another "friend" of hers got the horse back for her, like that was going to help her. I understand the emotional attachment to the horse, Lord knows I am attached to all of mine. But Sue can barely take care of herself some days.
The other thing is she found out about this horse through me, wouldn't have ever known about her if she hadn't known me. Granted, the horse is special and takes good care of Sue.
Sue tells me one day a few weeks ago that she has re-done her will and her friend Ava, that got the horse back for her, gets the horse if something happens to her. I was told I was to get her 2 Jack Russels (one of which I gave her as a christmas present a few years ago)
Then a couple weeks later she says, Ava has tols me that she wants Ruby (JRT) if something happens to me.
I was like, whatever.......

I sometimes thinks she pitts me, Ava and Rita (the one who blasted me) against each other.