Kind of PO'd and upset, friend who is Bi-Polar

[ninjapoodles]

I was just discussing this with someone else--the fact that the illness *explains* hurtful behaviors does not make them any less hurtful to the person on the receiving end.

It's just a heartless disease. Once again, I strongly suggest that anyone with non-medicated, non med-compliant loved ones view the Amador video I posted a link to earlier. It's really amazing and helpful.

 

[Reinbeau]

Quote:
This is very true. Explanations are not an excuse. Being raised by a mentally ill mother can really take a toll on you. I spent five years in therapy. I've forgiven my mom, but I can't forgive some of the awfulness that occurred in our home as a result of her behavior. If you haven't lived through it you wouldn't understand. I would give anything to have a warm, fuzzy, loving mom. But that's something she just couldn't be.

 

[RJ_Hythloday]

I now have a 15 yo daughter w/ bipolar,ocd,adhd,odd. Before that one of my best friends was bipolar, and my wife grew up w/ a brother who's bipolar.

Ninja poodles thanks for thelink, I'll be checking it out. It can be very difficult. Talking to others w/ the same experiences can help. Like said before, understanding why helps, but it doesn't make it hurt less.

 

[mom'sfolly]

It's even harder to forgive when the person refuses to admit a problem and refuses to medicate. My mother is very high functioning most of the time, but can be ugly in many ways. She is now 76 years old, works full-time, and lives on her own. My sister looks out for her, because she lives nearby. I'm hoping she can live out the rest of her life with no delusions, and hypomanic states; but I'm not going to hold my breath. She needs to at least keep her thyroid meds under control; otherwise it can spin the mental illness out of control.
I still say give the son a break. You weren't raised my the mentally ill person. She has hurt you with her behaviour, and you are a caring friend. How much worse could it be for a child?

 

[ninjapoodles]

It really is worth reading Amador's book and watching the video on Google. I don't have to deal with the "refusing to take meds" problem myself (THANK YOU, GOD), but it breaks my heart to hear these stories.

Here's how I learned to look at anosognosia (lack of insight) from Amador:

You get frustrated when you're dealing with a loved one who refuses to take meds for their mentall illness, especially when, during the times that they DO take meds, THEY GET BETTER. It's natural to think of them as hard-headed and stubborn. But look at it from their point of view. They HONESTLY BELIEVE that there is nothing wrong with them. Nothing at all. Try that filter on for size. Imagine that you're walking around minding your own business, and all of a sudden everyone in your life starts telling you that your leg is broken. Your leg feels fine to you, and you're able to walk, you KNOW your leg isn't broken, and you try to explain this. But everyone is insisting that you need surgery, metal pins, and a cast to fix your broken leg. What would you do? Would you submit to treatment for a broken leg just because OTHER people said you should, when you know perfectly well that your leg is fine and healthy? No way!

The problem with anosognosia is that the brain is broken in such a way as to prevent the sick person from EVER realizing that they are sick. From their perspective, their refusal to submit to treatment is not hardheaded stubbornness...it's completely and totally rational. That's what makes it such a heartbreaking battle for the loved ones.

Xavier Amador offers some really good, solid strategies for dealing with anosognosia, and ways to convince people to submit to treatment without requiring them to "accept" that they are mentally ill. The book and the video are just SO VERY GOOD, I cannot possibly recommend them strongly enough.

 

[mom'sfolly]

I'll check them out and recomend them to my sister. Yes, dealing with the "I'm not sick, you guys just want to control me/make me sick/whatever" comments and trying to talk about delusions makes you want to pound your head into the wall.......but I remind myself that my mother is successful by many measurements....she raised three children who are stable adults, she hold a job, pays her bills, maintains her home etc. The sad thing is that she has almost no true friends, and is very isolated.

It has surprised me at how many friends I have that have family members with serious mental illness. It is surprisingly common, now that people are more willing to talk about it.

 

[ChickenDreamer]

Quote:
Thank-you for providing this wonderful link. I watched the whole program this evening and
it was quite an eye opener.

 

[ninjapoodles]

Quote:
Thank-you for providing this wonderful link. I watched the whole program this evening and
it was quite an eye opener.

Isn't he just the greatest? I think his tremendous insight and empathy comes not just from being a doctor, but from his experiences with his own schizophrenic brother. His book, "I Am Not Sick, I Don't Need Help," is definitely the standard-bearer for learning how to deal with lack of insight.

 

[nautical_bouy]

Quote:
If you mean her monthly check, it is direct deposited in her account. One thing I can say about her, she pays hers bills every month on time, at least she is lucid enough to do that.
Don't get me wrong she is capable of taking care of her self. Her issues, at least IMO (and my mom's and sisters) is that she has likely not told all her DR's about all the medicines she is taking. She has her Family DR (who is not the greatest) her Shrink (also not the best) and her Pain Management DR.
Her biggest issues, again IMO, are her meds and not having daily human contact or any form of "recreation"
I think her optimum thing would be assisted living, she could be controlled to some degree and I know the place my Great Aunt with Alzheimers is has activities and transportation to shopping.

I have to rant a bit about the subject, I know a few "bi-polar" people, lived with one for a while and I myself was told I was "bi-polar".. Every one of them has a self made problem mostly an attempt to recieve disability that escalated from an honest Dr. visit about depression, usually after a career or loved one loss.

They are with out interaction and recreation because noone can stand to be around them anymore. Thats why they used to put crazy people in special places.

To the best of my knowlage being bi-polar is sever depression with a new name,,,

I cannot have much faith in medical professionals that when I go in for my yearly physical, tell me I'm bi-polar, "crazy", have a mental disorder when,,,, this is the big rant about a lack of common sence..

My daughters mother, "bi-polar", left when my Princess was 2 years old, 18 months later, she finds a woman judge and tells her all about her new wonderful BF and she is knocked up again, judge buys it, second court ordered visit, she disappears for 4 months, they found her finally when she was having the new baby,,

I was at the Dr's. in month three of my daughter being kidnapped,, one week after my best friend passed on.

I told him all of this after him asking why I looked a little down,,,, I guess thats why it's called a medical pratice, they certainly have not perfected it,,,

That quack wanted to medicate me for being "bi-polar",,,, when I missed my baby girl horribly and did not know if she was alive or dead and knowing full well where my buddy was..

how dense does one need to be to not tell the diffrence between, PO'ed at the court and ex, and not knowing where or what condition your baby is in and someone crazy.

Personally I think being mad and sad under those conditions and normal,,, the crazy one wouldn't care

I allmost left out the part where he tried to explain all the benifits I could recieve with that diagnosis and how the meds would be very important to stay on because of sever withdraw effects.

So my personal experiences have been I went in upset as any normal person would have been and walked out the same, not crazy as the medically induced condition and "better living thru chemistry" Dr. wanted me to be.

 

[DomiHentrix]

((Hugs)) My mom is bipolar and I completely understand, I hope that everything is resolved soon in the meantime remember to take care of yourself too, these things are soo emotionally draining for everyone.