Laugh at ourselves, your funny story.

[Ottoman]

One-night many years ago a friend and myself went surf fishing. Had our fishing polls, chair’s, and cooler and coalman lantern. After some time trying catch something,and with no luck.
We saw a crab! We catch the crab with the net and Mark run to his truck to get something to put the crab in. Behind our seats in the dark he places a milk crate with a piece of plywood as a cover. We go back to fishing! After 5 or 10min we see another crab in the surf, we get the net scoop him up go back in the dark and put this crab in the crate.
These catching crabs go on for about 4hr. Finley after not catching any fish, we pack up to go home. With the satisfaction that we have a basket full of crab. But when put the light to see all our crab we had caught. We started to LOL. The crab we had been catching would crawl out the handle hole on the crate And make his way to the waters edge were we could see him. We had caught the same crab 25 or 30 times.

 

[Ottoman]

I was killing a turkey for thanksgiving last year. I had 2 cement blocks with a tub of water sitting on the blocks and had a fire going under the tub. After I chop the birds head off I would dip him into the hot water, witch would allow the feathers to be pulled out easy. I start out wearing shorts and sandals, I grab the bird by his feet, I chop off his head and he starts flapping his big wings and beating me with them, So, I drop the big bird and he is flopping around & flops right under the tub and into the fire. He’s still flapping his wings and throwing red-hot coals all over my legs and feet & the yard.
Now fires are starting all over the yard [because the grass is dry.] I can’t get to the bird the yard has got about 10 small fires that are rapidly growing into larger fires. The people that live next door think my house is on fire and call the fire department. By the time the fire truck get to my house I’m standing there in the mist of a blacken burnt yard holding the water hose in one hand and a blacken turkey in the other hand. All the firemen had a good laugh that day.

 

[Ottoman]

In my home I have a very large fireplace 4foot wide x 4 foot high. One day I decide I would deep-fry a turkey breast in a 2 gal cast iron pot in my large fireplace. [My wife said, “I don’t think this is a good idea”. “I know what I’m doing” I proudly say.]
So! I place the frozen turkey into the pot, I add water from a pitcher and mark the pitcher so I will know how much oil to put into the pot with the bird so it will not overflow by just filling the pot with oil then adding the bird. [I’m no dummy!].
The next day the bird is thawed out, I place the right amount of oil into the pot, and I place the pot in the fire to heat the oil. I have a wire run through the bird and I start to lower the bird into the [too] hot oil it starts to boil over. When boom! The oil burst into flames. Burning oil is all over the hearth; the flames are lapping up to the shelf over the fireplace. The kids come running from there rooms and are sitting at the top of the stairs watching the show and call out to my wife, who is in the kitchen. “Mom! Dads burning down the house.” To witch my wife replies. I know, I’ve all ready called the fire department.
. I put the lid on the pot; this puts out the oil burning. I grab the little shovel that is used to shovel ash and start shoveling ash onto the burning oil. This puts out the oil and allows me to shovel the oil into the ash bucket and get it outside. About this time the fire truck drives up and the driver says “you again!”

PS. No one got hurt in this mishap. And just some and oil stains on the hearth to remind me never to do that again. [Not indoors at leas]

 

[redhead83402]

ROOLLING ON the floor LAAUUGGHHIINNGGGG!!~~

~Red

 

[Ottoman]

Being that I got so many peoples responds I’ll post more stories.

The first time my older brother [13] and I[8] shot a shotgun, it was a 12 Gage and my father took my older brother and me out in the woods. Dad put a shell in the gun and told me to squat, so I did, my father takes a step behind me; I take aim and “FIRE”. My dad grabs the shotgun as I go flying by him. My dad and brother have a great laugh. Now it’s my brother’s turn. My dad puts a shell in the shotgun and tells my brother to squat! O-no you don’t my brother says! You’re not getting me with that one. So he goes over to a tree, squats, and puts his shoulder against the tree. And “FIRES”!
----
My older brother goes squeal hunting with my father for the first time. My Dad gives my brother a 22-semi auto rifle. [I think it held 10 rounds] The first squeal we see does as all squeals do and run to the other side of the tree. My dad tell my brother, I’m going to walk around the tree, the squeal will run to your side of the tree and you shoot him. My brother and I are standing there all exited! Our father walks around the tree and the squeal does just as dad says. My brother takes aim and fires. Bang![miss] Now the squeal starts running down the tree with my brother firing away at him as he goes.[missing all the way] Bang, Bang, Bang, And I’m yelling get-M, get-M. And nether one of us can hear Dad yelling at us from behind the tree that the squeal is running down. Stop shooting!
From then on my brother got just 1 bullet in the gun.

No one has got funny stories? but me? O-well. more tomarow.

 

[Ottoman]

Like it or not, here’s another

Went on a fishing trip with my father and brother. In a fishing magazine, I had read how to make a self-catching fishing poll using a rattrap. You tie your fishing line [12’ or 20’ with hook, bate, & cork] to the snap part of the rattrap. Next you tie a second small piece of line to the trigger [the part were you put the cheese] and the other end of the small line to the main fishing line. This is how it works. When the fish takes the bate and starts to run, the line will get tight then the trap will snap and set the hook. Simple!
I’m bragging to my brother and father that I will sleep till I hear the trap snap and then just roll the line around the trap and there you are. The boat stops, I bate my hook, I set the rattrap, and throw the line out like you would throw a lasso at a cow. Just as the line gets tight from me throwing it, I remember. I did not have the trap tied to the boat; I grab for the trap just before it goes overboard and SNAP right on my hand. Then! Laughter from my father and brother. I put the rattrap away and got my poll.
----

I was a game warden for many years, and as you all know, game wardens love to share stories about all the dumb outdoor crooks they have pinched. Here is a story about one dumb outdoor crook.

In one of our southern states, where squirrel hunting is more of a religion than a spsort, this good old boy went hunting. He weighed around 350, and was wearing bib overalls at the time. Well, he must have had a pretty good day, cause he bagged his limit of 6 squirrels, plus three extra. Then he headed back to where he had parked his pick-up truck. But, when he got to the edge of the field near where his truck was parked, he could see that a game warden had pulled up behind his truck and was waiting for him to come back to be checked.

Well now, that wasn't too big a problem for our good old boy. He simply dropped his overalls and put the extra squirrels in his BVD's (or Fruit-Of-The-Looms, I'm not sure which). Then, he headed on across that field.

Well, he got to the game warden's truck, and the game warden checked him out and found everything to be alright. Then this cracker started towards his own truck. That's when things started to go bad. According to the warden, this old boy went straight up in the air with a loud scream. Then he came down on his butt right in the middle of the road, and did a knee walk all over that roadway. And he was screaming his head off. then he started rolling all over the roadway, still screaming.

Well the warden did not know what was happening. But then he saw this guy's pants start moving, like they had a life of their own. And the that life started going down one of this guy's legs. And right before our game warden's unbelieving eyes, a squirrel ran out, shook himself, and started running across the nearby field towards the woods.

It was only later, at the hospital, that the full story became known. The doctor who attended our good old boy said there wasn't one square inch of skin covered by those BVD's that the squirrel did not chew mightily on. The doctor also handed the warden the other two "extra' squirrels, also recovered from those same BVD's.

And, our good old boy got a ticket for the TWO extra squirrels. He would have gotten a ticket for three, but there was something about missing evidence...

 

[maplesky7]

ha ha! Missin evidence!

These are great stories. Thanks for sharing.


This happened last winter. One of the hardest winters to hit Northern IL. since 1978. There was a lot of snow and ice last year. I had a time keeping up with it. My dh is in Iraq and the church got someone to help me but they just kept to the drive.

Well, the ice accumulated in front of the coop doors and I was having a time chipping it away and getting into the coop to take care of my chickens. I kicked it a few times and really jamed my toes. I then gave up and decided I would go in through the double dutch door if I could get the top unlatched but that had ice on it too. So I pounded with my hand and really hurt myself in the process.

So now I finally get it open but I'm too short to swing a leg over and have it hit the ground on the other side so I have to put a leg over the door and lift myself up with my hands to get myself in. And in the process the top door closes slightly and pinches my already hurting hand and fingers.

I throw grain in the bins and i have warm water in jugs outside that I thought I could reach when i got inside to pour into the electric dog bowl but I can't reach and I have to lean out and hang by my stomach to reach the jugs and I knock one over. Oh well. One will be good until the morning I say to myself.

I now have a tremendously hurt hand but I know I have to use my hands to lift myself back over. So I prepare myself and do so, but my hand hurts so bad it weakens and I loose my balance and slam my head into the corner jam of the door. I fall to the outside and lay in the snow seeing stars.

It was a blizzard and my kids were inside and who would come look for me and would my little girls really know what to do and how long would it be until they started to wonder about mommy? I decided it was no time to be a wimp and I got up, got the coop door shut barely, and walked the long walk back to the back door...it seemed long anyway.

I then decided after that it was a good idea to sit down with my daughter and give her the protocol of what to do in case of emergencies.

I know it may not sound all that funny but for some reason when I told my mom she said she could see it in an I love Lucy skit because it was a comedy of errors. Gee, thanks mom.

me,
g

 

[crtrlovr]

oh, goodness gracious! Thank you Lord, for not having me buy a house next to Ottoman ... I'm sure he is a most genial fellow and loves wildlife and Your creatures, but there seems to be something about him and fire.... And Lord, could you be extra gracious to maplesky7 this year and help her not to hurt herself as she takes care of her critters? Thank you, Lord!

 

[maplesky7]

Thank you so much.


And thank YOU Lord.
me,
g

 

[Linda in San Diego]

OMG - ottoman - you have the best stories, keep them coming! I have very litttle to add! My stories about wearing two different shoes to work more (than one time) pale after reading your posts! The most recent time just last week, I went through half of the day wondering why one leg felt longer than the other - then I realized I had on two different pairs of brown sandles with different heels.

See, no where near as funny as your stories!