"Life with AD/HD" thread

[nikki1]

We decided that we had to make DS's in school suspension day as positive as possible. Last night, when he was sweet and sleepy right before bed, we reminded that we love him forever and ever, every day, no matter what, and that we love him too much to let him act the way he did. We talked about the consequences, but we reassured him that if he stepped up and had a happy, cooperative day, the consequences would be much less and much shorter. He really did things right! He did all his work cheerfully, and was cooperative and friendly all day. I was so proud of him I could hardly speak.

Yeah...testing...There's SO much pressure put on schools and teachers, that we're all going nuts. On the plus side, I think I'm doing the best teaching of my career right now. On the down side (where do I start?), there's so much pressure on kids, who may or may not be able to be successful. I know my boy is going to be working 1-on-1 with an adult in a quiet room, but what about the unidentified AD/HD kids? What about the drug baby? What about the kid who is pedaling as fast as he can, but just can't stay up with the state's arbitrary standards? (and our state has VERY high standards!) What about the kids living in family chaos who is barely holding it together, and for whom survival is taking precedence over school work? I have all these kids in my class. I bust my buns every day to bolster their confidence, cater instruction to each individual, and support them in every way I can, but on test day their fate, my fate, and my districts fate is all in their hands. It's completely crazy.

I now climb off my soap box. As state testing season is upon us, be kind to your kids and their teachers. It's rough on everybody.

--Nikki

 

[LSzajko]

Well put Nikki!
Both your kids and your classroom kids are very lucky to have you as their mom and their teacher!!

 

[nikki1]

Well put Nikki!
Both your kids and your classroom kids are very lucky to have you as their mom and their teacher!!

I have to laugh! From my class I get equal measures of "Mrs. J., you rock!" and "WhatEVER." 6th grade is a real self-esteem rollercoaster for everyone involved!

 

[babylady4]

I must say, I WISH I had gotten support from my school..... they have allowed my DD to stumble along, constantly on her case for missing work. I have tried to keep on her as well, but running a house, going to school myself, and dealing with 3 other kids makes it difficult. I have REPEATEDLY asked the teachers to call me or email me on what she is doing and how she is doing, I have had 2 teachers who were fantastic about keeping me in the loop, and that was in middle school.

I am glad she is almost out of there. They have not done her any favors.

 

[nikki1]

I must say, I WISH I had gotten support from my school..... they have allowed my DD to stumble along, constantly on her case for missing work. I have tried to keep on her as well, but running a house, going to school myself, and dealing with 3 other kids makes it difficult. I have REPEATEDLY asked the teachers to call me or email me on what she is doing and how she is doing, I have had 2 teachers who were fantastic about keeping me in the loop, and that was in middle school.

I am glad she is almost out of there. They have not done her any favors.

It sounds like it's a bit late for your daughter, but for others out there, remember these words: 504 PLAN. If you have a medical diagnosis for AD/HD, you along with the school counselor and administrator can write up a 504 plan to cover your child's specific needs. My son's plan includes preferential seating, a lunch check in to make sure he eats before going to recess, and as he gets older it will include limitations on homework. I never included notes home, as I work at the school and I have spies everywhere.

Once you have this plan, it's a legal document, and everyone who works with your child will be bound by it. That being said, my son's appointed "lunch checker" went out on maternity leave, and we had a couple misses before I indoctrinated the replacement lady.

Note that your child does not need to qualify for a special education IEP plan to get a 504 plan. My son had his 504 about a year before he qualified for his IEP, and even now it covers things not included in the IEP.

Hope that helps someone out there.

 

[EweSheep]

Sounds like my daughter....AS, ADHD, ODD and presently taking a generic RX of Focalin XP and it works sometimes and she has to take sleep meds to get her to sleep all night.

My biggest issue is between hubby (also undiagnosed ADHD/ADD issues but certain it is AS) and DD, they argue up and down every day, "one man-up-ship" daily that is so frustrating along with their "know it all" attitude. Two peas in a pod! There were days I would pull my hair out and walk out, leaving to defend themselves. I've been an advocate for DD as long I can remember her starting the "quirky" expressions, acting like a cat or hamster, doing sound effects with her mouth or hands. Repetitive motions or "zoning" too much on a subject. Can't sit still without meds or focus on things on hand. Frustrating for me as a N/T person. Hubby is very much in denial about dd's DX but he has done it for so long that he copes with it to the best of his ability. Both of have the kindest heart but their brains don't follow it. It is genetic for dd and hubby and our nephew as that trait, along with DH's family members and cousins, a good majority of them have ADHD or austism issues. It is awful and live long problems, a touch and go getting into trouble with the law...they don't have good reasoning or social cognitive abilities... ie. like getting speeding ticket, they don't see that they are breaking the law going five mph over the speed limit, they had to blame the cops for "they shouldn't be sitting there". They are forgetting that speeding they DID was the cause, not the cops sitting there, monitoring speeds of cars going down the roads. Blaming others for their problems is a big one.

There are plenty of support networks on FB as a therapy, vent, rant about your kids with other N/T spouses/moms/dads and they give support or advice or suggestions to try out. For those of us who has AS/ADHD significant other or spouse, or adults, FB is another one that I attend to and they are wonderful about listening and giving suggestions or advice that none of us thought of before.

 

[LSzajko]

INDEED~
6th grade and middle school are brutal years!

 

[nikki1]

INDEED~
6th grade and middle school are brutal years!

Yep! You couldn't pay me to be 12 again! I may be a chunky 40-something in need of a touch-up coloring to cover up copious grey, but at least I never have to contend with puberty and junior high again.

My own 9 year old has had a REALLY rough week. Sigh... I have a theory that he's been trying to impress another boy or 2 in his class who have their own share of behavior issues, but we're all tearing our hair out. He's been okay at home (with the exception of some seriously awful rides home...), but school has been a trial. I think I might call a CAT Team meeting for him (Can't remember what CAT stands for, but it's where all the staff members who work with a kid get together to problem-solve.) We've got him outnumbered, so surely we can come up with something...

On the plus side, my chickens are fat and sassy, the new dog is settling in nicely, my preschooler is already reading, and I have a husband who does his share of the housework. Gotta keep things in perspective!
--Nikki

 

[LSzajko]

OH I can SOOO relate. I'll stay wrinkled & grey, older & wiser TYVM !!
DDs (ages 25, 22 & 17) didn't have ADHD so this is uncharted territory. Their biggest problems were bad hair days and all that other whiney girlie stuff. I was able to commiserate and then promptly ignore The Drama~

DS on the other hand is making life interesting. I can be in the grocery store with him and hear someone say "Hi Zachary." Said person can be a teacher, the lunch lady, a bus driver, or even the principal..he never really has a clue who it is exactly, but they know him! Mr. Popularity or Notorious Biggie Z? I don't want to know....

I always look on the plus side too...keeps me grounded and (ahem) sane....

Sounds like you have a wonderful school system...very proactive and supportive!

Hang in there...summer vacation's coming!

 

[mlaff]

Sounds like the Vanderbilt Assessments are very similar to the Conner Scale.
And LOL @ your daughter's answer when she was asked if she sees things others don't see. Sounds like she'll be fine!!  However, her school needs to keep the bullying in check! That's unacceptable. I would worry about her self-esteem as she goes through puberty. So far my son doesn't get bullied or bully anybody. His teacher says he's very popular but he's a clown sometimes (I'm not surprised!). And I've noticed he never asks to have a play date with anyone his own age..not sure if that has anything to do with ADD or not. One of the moms from karate very often tries to make a date for us to get together but my son cannot stand this woman's son so I keep making excuses. He prefers older boys to hang out with. He's the youngest of 4..my other kids are 25, 22 & 17 so I'm not sure if he's just used to being around older people or he's simply unsocial! Very complex issues.  Anyway, it sounds like your daughter might be frustrated. How old is she? Is she taking medication?

She is 10. So she is heading for puberty. Her step sister is only 6 months younger than she is and her step brother is 8. They are super close in age. The youngest is 6.

As for the bullying. I do everything by email. Not worried with the face to face because typically they set a plan and never go through with it. I've told her that people will continue to do it until she stands up for herself. She was worried about getting in trouble at school and I told her to let mommy deal with the school. She also has tons of gas from having 60% of her small intestines removed at birth. So not only is it the kids but I've had teachers make nasty remarks.

My last email to the principal basically stated she can become very violent and she does at home. I told him so far she hasn't shown it at school, except a fist fight with her brother on the bus, but someone is going to set her off. I told him if they don't put a stop to it and she does go off she will really hurt someone and it will be the schools fault. Every year for the past 3 years, at his school anyway, it has been like this. I talk to them or email them and its always "we will look into it."

Oh, and no she isn't medicated except for her clonidine to sleep. If she even misses one dose she is Mr. Hyde for the day. She has Medicad because of all the medical issues and nobody will take her. She has a appointment with her gastro Dr. In which I am going to get to see the social worker for the hospital, they tend to have her there because her dr. And I don't see eye to eye on tons of stuff and I've known her for 10 yrs so she mediates. Lol but she can make sure the hospital will treat her, they told me she can't be seen because they weren't taking new patients. Plus comes her bing eating lately and she is a psych majors ideal patient to study.