"Life with AD/HD" thread

[nikki1]

Wow...sounds like a lot of folks really have their hands full. My boy takes clonidine at night, too. Without it he's great company...til, like, 2 a.m!!! Using it has changed bedtime from a battle, to a sweet, snuggly end of the day.

I need some ideas from other parents on what you do to take care of yourselves. Not only do I have my sweet (when he's not going all ODD on me), hyper boy, but I also teach a class with several AD/HD kids in it. By the end of the day, I'm pretty well done. I was talking with some other ladies at church, and they were chatting along about date nights. Just don't happen for us. Bedtime is NOT a time for a babysitter, and there really aren't many people we'd trust with him during the day, either. Once or twice a year DH and I will both take a day off work and leave the kids in daycare, but daycare isn't open on the weekends, and you can only take so many personal days! No family in state.

How do other people with exceptional kids manage?

--Nikki

Topic for another day...car rides! A quote from the cartoon Baby Blues..."We either need a bigger car, or car seats with lids!" When my boy is on a roll, even personal electronics don't help...

 

[mlaff]

We had to stop letting my dd stay the night with my parents. The whole kids are kids thing got to me. She would come back a million times worse than normal. If we want to go out we usually have my brother watch them. He doesn't let her get away with stuff. That is rare. My friend watches her once in a blue moon but is worn out by the end. Her dad is bipolar so she knows the mood swings. We have another friend who will watch all of our kids once in awhile for a couple of hours. Mostly only really close friends and family watch her. She can be very manipulative at times with people she doesn't know. Her lies are outrageous and if people feed into them she thrives. Thankfully that has been stopping. I need up breaking down and crying in front of her, which has seemed to help some.

 

[rrrmamma]

Anyone else with a spouse or SO with ADD. My husband was diagnosed 2 years ago at the age of 59. He has had it all his life and no one caught it. He could never concentrate, finish a task, or focus. He is on meds now and when he takes them he seems to do better, but he doesn't like some of the side effects so sometimes he takes less or doesn't take them at all for a few days. Then he drives me crazy. Starts 10 projects and finishes none of them.

 

[babylady4]

If you have a set of rules and consequences written down, and are completely up-front with what the sitter has to expect, I think you should be alright with letting someone else watch your child. Since it would be somebody new, I would suggest you have this person come to your home a few times at night while you are there and let them get to know your child, let them see what the bedtime routine is like, let your child get to know this person..... this way everyone is prepared and knows what is expected. If you are close to a College, I would advertise there for a sitter in the Education Dept. You might find someone who has some new ideas for you on dealing with the challenges these kids bring. They do keep you on your toes!

When my kids were smaller, the leap-pads had just come out. They were a god-send in the car! I also had car specific toys, they never left the car so they were always 'new'. I keep trivia packets in the car (Brain Quest) that are age specific for longer rides. When the kids were younger I carried snacks with me for almost every ride, and everyone had a baby blanket for their lap so things would not be lost in the cracks of the car seats/booster seats. While driving down the road, I would try to point out interesting things for the kids to look at (cows, deer, hawks, etc..) I only used our DVD player for long trips, so it was a treat and the kids would actually watch the movies...... and as punishment I had a big squirt bottle that I would use when someone would get out of hand!

There is another book out there that is also helpful, I believe that one is called 'Raising the Strong Willed Child'. I highly recommend it as well.

 

[babylady4]

rrrmamma has he tried drinking coffee throughout the day? I would have him try drinking a cup every few hours when he is not taking his medication to see if that helps in any way. If he does not like coffee then something else with a good dose of caffeine in it.

My DD is off meds right now (she hated the side effects as well) and self-medicates with caffeine. She recognizes when it has worn off and has been doing a pretty good job of keeping her life in order without the meds. That is the MOST difficult thing for a person with this to do; recognize when they are becoming scattered and bring themselves back to focus.

To understand ADHD you have to be aware of how that person's brain functions. They are constantly thinking and distracted by everything so they really need to learn how to focus. I explained this to my daughter's teachers by saying to the that it would be like standing in a room carrying on a conversation with someone while listening to the radio and watching the TV. They have no idea about time passage and they look at things, finish them in their heads and then forget about them completely. We had a BIG problem with a teacher who though that giant paper packets were good homework assignments. She would hand these packets out and tell the kids they were due in 2 weeks. Of course my DD never had then in on time, even if she wrote everything down in a planner and was talked to about it every day..... It was so frustrating.

 

[nikki1]

rrrmamma has he tried drinking coffee throughout the day? I would have him try drinking a cup every few hours when he is not taking his medication to see if that helps in any way. If he does not like coffee then something else with a good dose of caffeine in it.

My DD is off meds right now (she hated the side effects as well) and self-medicates with caffeine. She recognizes when it has worn off and has been doing a pretty good job of keeping her life in order without the meds. That is the MOST difficult thing for a person with this to do; recognize when they are becoming scattered and bring themselves back to focus.

To understand ADHD you have to be aware of how that person's brain functions. They are constantly thinking and distracted by everything so they really need to learn how to focus. I explained this to my daughter's teachers by saying to the that it would be like standing in a room carrying on a conversation with someone while listening to the radio and watching the TV. They have no idea about time passage and they look at things, finish them in their heads and then forget about them completely. We had a BIG problem with a teacher who though that giant paper packets were good homework assignments. She would hand these packets out and tell the kids they were due in 2 weeks. Of course my DD never had then in on time, even if she wrote everything down in a planner and was talked to about it every day..... It was so frustrating.

My son commutes with me to the school where I work, so I've been able to educate his educators. All have been very receptive EXCEPT his 2nd grade teacher. Last year before retirement, you understand. She'd give lessons with all the kids sitting on the rug (undefined personal space, stuff to pick out of the rug, the list of distractions goes on and on.), she'd give instructions for the assignment. DS would do his best to listen, but his working memory is REALLY deficient, so he'd forget by the time he got to his seat...then he'd get scolded for not listening. Sigh...Had official testing done, and guess what? They showed he had a very deficient working memory, both auditory and visual.

His current teacher is a treasure, and was also his 1st grade teacher. She's really good for him. He's now getting special ed help, as he has other learning issues in addition to AD/HD. He's making a lot of progress this year.

I'm also really glad that my teaching partner is an adult with AD/HD. He helps me a lot with DS. One day when we were talking about some of my frustrations, he said, "Did you know that since we started talking 5 cars and a log truck have gone by outside, and someone wearing high heels went down the hall? Brought home to me how much most of us block out without realizing it, but that AD/HD kids have to work on every minute of the day.

 

[rrrmamma]

rrrmamma has he tried drinking coffee throughout the day? I would have him try drinking a cup every few hours when he is not taking his medication to see if that helps in any way. If he does not like coffee then something else with a good dose of caffeine in it.

My DD is off meds right now (she hated the side effects as well) and self-medicates with caffeine. She recognizes when it has worn off and has been doing a pretty good job of keeping her life in order without the meds. That is the MOST difficult thing for a person with this to do; recognize when they are becoming scattered and bring themselves back to focus.

To understand ADHD you have to be aware of how that person's brain functions. They are constantly thinking and distracted by everything so they really need to learn how to focus. I explained this to my daughter's teachers by saying to the that it would be like standing in a room carrying on a conversation with someone while listening to the radio and watching the TV. They have no idea about time passage and they look at things, finish them in their heads and then forget about them completely. We had a BIG problem with a teacher who though that giant paper packets were good homework assignments. She would hand these packets out and tell the kids they were due in 2 weeks. Of course my DD never had then in on time, even if she wrote everything down in a planner and was talked to about it every day..... It was so frustrating

You reminded me of something. When we were first together he didn't seem to be so unfocused. He was drinking coffee all day! Now he has backed off of the coffee. I don't know why. I will pass this on to him and I am sure he will try it because he loves coffee. I hate the side effects from the Meds too. I will post and let you know if it helps. Thanks.

 

[babylady4]

Good luck!

 

[TXurbanfarmer]

I have ADD and am not medicated as I've had it all my life and have learned to "function" (ha!). My daughter will be 12 next month and she has ADD combined type, sensory processing disorder, and Bipolar 1 with psychotic features. She also has several food allergies. We do not medicate her for the ADD (did do straterra for a while). She is doing well and life can be very interesting in my house!

 

[LSzajko]

Hi Everyone~ SO happy to find this thread!
My 7 yr, old son started taking FocalinXR in February. He's not hyperactive per se but he does have problems focusing (unless he's playing video games or watching SpongeBob Squarepants).

We've been hearing he has focusing issues since he was 3~ from his daycare providers, pre-school and pre-K teachers, Kindergarten and 1st grade also. At this year's parent/teacher conference his (2nd grade) teacher finally convinced us we had to take action. His grades were suffering. She said he's one of her brightest students and her best reader, but his focusing problem is stopping him from excelling and that's when we gave in. I sought the opinions and advice of friends who have kids on meds as well as those who refuse to put their kids on meds. I didn't want my happy, exuberant son to become a zombie and I was afraid of side-effects such as addiction issues when he's older, etc. But I realized that at the end of the day it's not about what the pros/cons are for other people or what I thought about medication; it was about what was best for Zachary, After speaking to his teacher and his school's psychologist who observed him a few times and said she felt he would benefit from medication I still felt apprehensive. His pediatrician suggested counseling; she said sometimes it can be anxiety. So we took him to a counselor who said he definitely showed some symptoms of ADD. Off to the pediatrician we went. Before I even finished telling our pediatrician what was going on, she had a prescription pad in her hand and she sent us on our way within 10 minutes. After a baseline EKG and weight check, we started him on 5mg. of FocalinXR and after a month his teacher said she saw a slight improvement but not enough to say the medication was effective. It was time for a med check appointment with the pediatrician who raised his dosage to 10 mg. His teacher said he's doing great. But when he comes home from school (at 4:15), he's "DONE". He wasn't ever hyperactive but when the medication has worn off, he's definitely hyperactive!! Oh the joy~

Anyway, my problem is that I was told by both his teacher and the school psychologist that there's no definitive test for ADD/ADHD and in this thread everyone is saying their son/daughter was tested for it. What kind of test? Is it given by a pediatrician? Neurologist? The school? All I was given is a Conner Scale questionnaire that both we and his teacher filled out and then our answers were compared. At his last med check appt.we saw another pediatrician in the practice and asked her what the highest dosage is and she said "30mg. but he will never see 30...these teachers are crazy."

On another note, we live in NY and the schools here are concentrating their curriculum on the Terra-Nova Standardized Tests (for state funding naturally) and these poor kids spend their days literally stuck at their desks preparing for this test which is given in November and again in early May vs. a more hands-on approach to learning would be so much more engaging for them.

I can't help but wonder if I'm giving my son medication just so his teacher doesn't have to constantly remind him to stay focused and on-task.