Marriage

[Dragonfly Ranch]

Lou - you said in your first post that he called two weeks ago. I'm curious if he has called again? If he has not then I would call him and say "I think I waited long enough and if I don't get some answers now - then I'm moving on" I have been divorced twice - the second one was after 18 years and I was scared to death what was going to happen to me. You have half the battle won since you are used to being on your own in one fashion - but don't be afraid to be completly alone - it all works out for the best. Keep your family and friends close and you will make it through all of this.

 

[lou]

Hi Dragonfly He called last night to say he wanted to get together this weekend. He wouldn't say why or for what. I told him to phone when he got to town because I might not be available. I don't know what to say or do even tho I certainly have a lot of questions.

 

[Whispering Winds]

Quote:

 

[herefordlovinglady]

Write your questions down. If you are like me when it comes to communicating, I get cold feet quick. and be available, you don't want this to get postponed while you are trying to find answers. get it done and go to the next step -- or should i say -- Get R Done

. good luck....

 

[horsejody]

Quote:
Whatever you do, do it on your terms. I wouldn't even have him at the house. I would meet him at a restaurant or a park. For me, that would minimize the stress and drama. I can't imagine that any reason he has to leave you after 32 years is a good one. Before he even gets there, you should really search your heart and determine if you want to reconcile or not. If he wants to come back, you will already know if you want to consider it or not. If he wants to remain apart, tell him that you will consult with your lawyer and get back to him later. Don't let him string you along, make demands or gult you into anything. Be calm, cool and in control. Put yourself in the position of power. Let him know that even though he has hurt and victimized you, you will not just roll over and take it. People can only use you as a doormat if you lay down and let them.

If you both want to reconcile, let him know that there will be changes and no more knives through the heart. An agreement to counseling might be a good idea too.

BTW if it were me and I took him back, I wouldn't trust him completely. I would start moving things into my own name and get financially independent because he might run off again.

Be strong. You can get through this. You don't need him. You deserve better. If divorce is imminent, you are better off mad than sad until the proceedings are over. You will have the rest of your life to be sad. You will only have a short while to protect property that is rightfully yours.

 

[Dragonfly Ranch]

Quote:
Whatever you do, do it on your terms. I wouldn't even have him at the house. I would meet him at a restaurant or a park. For me, that would minimize the stress and drama. I can't imagine that any reason he has to leave you after 32 years is a good one. Before he even gets there, you should really search your heart and determine if you want to reconcile or not. If he wants to come back, you will already know if you want to consider it or not. If he wants to remain apart, tell him that you will consult with your lawyer and get back to him later. Don't let him string you along, make demands or gult you into anything. Be calm, cool and in control. Put yourself in the position of power. Let him know that even though he has hurt and victimized you, you will not just roll over and take it. People can only use you as a doormat if you lay down and let them.

If you both want to reconcile, let him know that there will be changes and no more knives through the heart. An agreement to counseling might be a good idea too.

BTW if it were me and I took him back, I wouldn't trust him completely. I would start moving things into my own name and get financially independent because he might run off again.

Be strong. You can get through this. You don't need him. You deserve better. If divorce is imminent, you are better off mad than sad until the proceedings are over. You will have the rest of your life to be sad. You will only have a short while to protect property that is rightfully yours.


horsejoy and hereforlovinglady are spot on, be strong and write your questions down. Even if you don't use the questions when you see him it will help to put them in your mind so you do ask them.

In one part of your heart you still love him and always will but you need to examine the other part and see if you can live with this type of stress of wondering when the other shoe is going to drop. I held out hope for too many years that my ex would change - it just doesn't seem to happen. If he wants to reconcile, then make him work really hard for it - he will have to re-establish your trust and let him know that will take some time. I too would not have him to the house - stay on neutral ground. If you get to emotional walk away and see him another time when you are stronger. You sound like a very caring and loving person and you do deserve to be treated with respect!

Sandee

 

[debilorrah]

32 years is a big investment to just get mad and get even. If I were in your shoes, I would have a boatload of questions, a bit of anger, alot of hurt and the need for answers.

 

[lou]

I am really hoping to get some answers to my questions this weekend. I am not a get even type of person but I sure need some answers. Even then I don't think the hurt will ever heal. It will also take me a long time to ever trust a man again, if ever. I don't want to hurt anymore. I have to be whole for my kids and my little grandson. Lou

 

[sfw2]

 

[deb1]

Quote:
I will be saying a prayer for you. I think that you are going to have a lot of prayers sent your way.

Did you say that you already had talked to a lawyer?