Marriage

[cassie]

I am so sorry. A friend of mine lost her husband suddenly in a motorcycle accident a few months ago. The officer who came to her to break the news sat down with her and told her some things that she said really helped her to get through those first dark days. He said that she would be in a state of shock and it was very important that she take care of herself. Since she may not be hungry, he said to keep track of time and to eat meals by the clock whether she was hungry or not, to go to bed and to get up at her usual time and to keep her usual routine. He said for her to put on some pretty clothes and fix her hair and makeup each morning because if she knew she looked nice she would feel better.

Be sure to schedule some time every day for something you really enjoy. For me it is a cup of tea and a good cookie each evening shortly before bed. No matter how bad the day is, I have that little ritual to look forward to. While your husband didn't die, you have suffered a loss, and with any loss there is a grieving process to get through. No matter what happens, I promise you will get through this.

 

[babylady4]

I would be in the car and arrive on his doorstep the next day and have him explain himself to my FACE! Then go home , get the lawyer, pack up his junk and donate it to goodwill, then leave on an extended vacation on his dime. Oh and of course change the locks and notify the police that you will be leaving and you are separated so they should keep an eye on the place.....

Seriously, I would confront him and make him tell me this to my face. Find out what the real issue is and then plan my steps from whatever he tells me. If the relationship is worth it to you, you find somebody to take care of the critters and go talk with that man.

 

[horsejody]

Quote:
Yes, that's a good idea.

 

[lou]

Thank you Cassie I really really appreciate your advice. I have been getting through these dark days with messages and wonderful advice fom all the special people on this forum. Not sure how I would have done it with out you and all the special people on BYC. Lou

 

[herefordlovinglady]

I am so sorry, Shock would be an understatement I am sure. Just know hugs are being sent your way by so many of us here on BYC. Prayers are going up too.

 

[horsejody]

I think that you should demand that he man up and start talking. After 32 years, that's the least he owes you. Chances are that his reasons and need to sort things out has nothing to do with you or anything you did or didn't do. I knew a guy that was married for years. He up and left his wife because he decided that he was gay and had been in denial about it. It didn't make it any easier on her. Heck, it probably made it harder. I'm not saying that's his reason. I'm just saying that the his reasons might surprise you. Regardless, he is a selfish jerk to walk out on somebody after so many years no matter what his reasons are. Make him talk and have a good lawyer.

 

[Dragonfly Ranch]

Carrie was right this is a grieving process and it can take a quick toll on you if you're not careful. If things feel like they are too much for you to handle alone consider seeing a counselor to help put things in perceptive for you. I'll be keeping good thoughts for you.

Sandee

 

[chickerdoodle]

Quote:
This is exactly what I was thinking. Better to get it over with and find out before you make it worse for yourself and get physically sick from the stress by theorizing every possible thing that it could be while you are waiting until he sorts things out. Make up or break up and move on. We only have so much time on this earth so get the bad stuff out of the way and enjoy it while you can. Sorry its rough for you right now.

 

[joebryant]

Quote:
This is exactly what I was thinking. Better to get it over with and find out before you make it worse for yourself and get physically sick from the stress by theorizing every possible thing that it could be while you are waiting until he sorts things out. Make up or break up and move on. We only have so much time on this earth so get the bad stuff out of the way and enjoy it while you can. Sorry its rough for you right now.

When I first read this from both of you, I was going to say "right on", but after thinking about it more, I concluded that if Anne ever said something like that to me, leaving me hanging, I would not give her the benefit of my requesting an explanation. She'd get a letter from my attorney along with a divorce suit notice, and I'd never want to see her again. What kind of louse for a spouse would do such a thing without good cause after years of being married and having children!

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

Perhaps someone with mental health issues? Could he have suffered a TIA or small stroke?