Married BYCers

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No matter what, be honest with your spouse. Trust is key. If you can't trust them and they wont trust you, it won't work.
Also, don't marry someone who trys to control you or watches every move you make. You will end up miserable and never be able to have any friends without being grilled about every little thing you say or do involving someone else besides the spouse!
 
ESCAPE WHILE YOU STILL HAVE YOUR SANITY!
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COMMUNICATE!

Talk if there is something bothering you. dont just sit on it.

I learned the hard way from the mess my first marriage was.
My second, current and last husband
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Knows that I will not let things lie with him. He always knows when I am ticked or upset about something.
 
DBF and I have been together over 5 years. We practically are married, and have had our share of challenges. We do plan to get married eventually.

My advice for longevity:

1. People always say, "don't go to bed mad". That's stupid. It's OK to go to bed mad. Sleep on the issue and you'll be able to discuss it with better clarity and with some distance. If you're still fuming mad in the morning, it's worth hasing out, but hasing thing out until 4a when you have to work in the morning is silly and counterproductive.

2. I echo the advice one person wrote: don't be in a rush to get married. If you don't get married and you're still together, it's totally OK! If you're afrida of losing that person if you don't get married, then you're getting hitched for the wrong reasons.
 
Living with the person first is a good idea also kids are great but wait alittle while so you can just enjoy each other and do stuff at a moments notice.

Little love notes are great! A simple I Love You...

A nice back rub works wonders
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You got to know when to keep your mouth shut (saying hurtful words just to each other is not worth it), learn when to compromise (you cant always win, give in sometimes).

Dont go to bed mad if you can help it.

Marriage is TeamWork. So you have to talk and work together about things.

No marraige is perfect... you go with the flow.

This Feb. will make 15 years for us and we are still going strong! When I turned 18 ( he was 22) we moved in with each other in Nov., got pregnant, got married in Feb., I graduated in May, then we had our 1st child in Sept.
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We are one of the lucky ones and we actually LIKE to spend time with each other and do family things... now we have Dd14, Ds12, Ds9 and Dnephew15 and we hardly ever argue... really its been years! We Rock! We have never called each other bad names, hit each other or throw anything at each other... its not worth it.
 
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MAKE SURE YOU LOVE EACH OTHER AND IT'S NOT JUST INFATUATION!!! If that is the case then sometimes you have to overlook the other persons shortcomings. Mean it when you say you love them, and be patient. When that doesn't work, throw a BIG DARN FIT. It always worked with my husband. We married when I was in high school and we have been together for almost 10 years now, and have 3 kids. I have also found that a little petting(as in back rub, foot rub) for no reason goes a long way!
 
You can't make it on love alone.... finances are important so make sure they care and YOU care enough to keep debt from the middle of everything. Its one of the biggest reasons for divorce... money isn't important they say... but we all need it, your family needs it to thrive. I wouldn't be comfortable with a child if I didn't know we could provide for her.

So get your finances straight.... and if having a big fancy wedding would put you in debt, for the love of #$% don't do it! The courthouse is acceptable, and so is a small gathering of close friends.

Take that $10,000 dream wedding and put it down on a house or pay off a college loan!!!!

My hubby and I only fight about money... and when we're not worried about it we're still like newly weds.
 
Respect each other.
Do things for each other.
Be nice to each other.

Remember that angry words can't be unsaid.

Understand that you will not meet eye to eye on every matter. Understand that IT IS OK!

Don't lose yourself. By that, I mean: Don't stop doing the things that make you YOU. If you do, one day, you'll wake up angry and resentful.
 
I havent read them all..but wait for marriage until you are at least 40..really,...and dont think you can change a behavior you dont like in someone else..you cant and they usually wont so if its something you dont like when dating..dont overlook it and think it will go away..
 
Try not to go to bed mad at each other. Keep criticism's to yourself, best way to start a fight. Say I love you at least once a day. Call your spouse for no reason other than to say I love you. Figure out the finances before you get married. Set a limit on how much will be spent without talking about it. Don't have kids to try to save a marriage that is failing. Fix the marriage 1st. ABOVE ALL COMMUNICATE. Unresolved issues fester. Men, just apologize. It doesn't matter that your right . If the wife is happy you're happy.
 

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