May have to get rid of all my chickies. Sorry, long.

[kinnip]

As a Navy brat, I know people, especially the service member, don't always consider how hard it is on everyone else in the family. I feel like I've been in the military most of my life, only I didn't volunteer. It's a tough decision you have to make, no black and white there. What always maddened me with my father is that he'd be gone for nine months then come home and expect everyones' lives to suddenly be centered on him. As an adult, I understand he was lonely and really wanted to feel like his family was really his. Unfortunately, relationships don't work on a 'just add presence' basis. It sounds like you've worked out an acceptable compromise, which is really excellent. Best of luck to you. I hope you don't have to get rid of your animals. I know what you mean when you say they're always there for you, and it sounds like you could really need that with everything that's going on.

 

[luvmychicknkids]

Quote:
Then it would appear your sniffer is broken. The only underlying issue is the military. And no, joebryant, he doesn't have the right to feel that way. As I already stated, we have lived apart for 3 years becuase of HIS career, which is what threw me into the position of being here and helping care for my family here in the first place. That is a CHOICE that HE made, and very much against my wishes. As for family who would like to move in.....if my mom loses it and I am not around, these girls willl go into state custody...there is no place else for them to go. If he was willing to re-enlist knowing it meant we had to live apart then I think I am reasonable refusing to toss everything on a moments notice so we can be back together. I have lived alone and as a single mother for the past three years, only seeing him 2 weeks each year.....how anyone can think he is right in thinking I should be willing to jump when he says so is beyond me......

I want to say thank you again for everyone's kind words. As everyone knows, being a military family is very hard. Many don't make it. We have and we will, as we are still deeply in love and will continue to be until we are old and grey and sitting on a porch watching the chickens scratch together.

Yeah, jenJScott...isn't it just the coolest thing!!! I did a happy dance forever after I got my new title!!!

 

[Oblio13]

Quote:
Then it would appear your sniffer is broken....

How's my reading comprehension?

Quote:

 

[Celeste]

You aren't being selfish, your the one who has to be realistic. Will he even be around a lot at the new duty station or??? The military lifestyle definitely has a way of making everything one sided revolving around the service member. Military wives are just supposed to support and support, not letting our wants/needs come into play. Who is supposed to be there for us when they are gone?? Oh here we go again lets find a new support system. Sometimes it is hard not to be resentful having to give up again and again. My husband at times would almost seem to forget that it wasn't just me that had to start over again at our new location. It affects so many aspects that he failed to see, or maybe he saw them just didn't think their impact was as large. Thankfully for him this last deployment he looked at the big picture.

Anywho I just wanted to say that I understand being so torn and HUGS!! You need to do what YOU need in order to support everyone invloved especially your son. That way you can be a good support to your husband even if it is from afar. Just keep thinking of retirement right !!!

I'll be thinking of you.

 

[luvmychicknkids]

It would appear, oblio, that your reading comprehension is terrific as long as you can cut and paste and take things WAY out of context. It is amazing how you can make things look when you are willing to remove most of the realevant text, isn't it.

Thank you, Celeste. It is good to hear from people who do understand. We have a strong marriage...and that is a good thing. It would not have survived if we did not. He finally agreed last night (and I believe he really does understand) that while we NEED to be baack together, THIS was not the right way. We have done this for 3 years, another year isn't going to kill us and it lets me take care of my obligations here first.

One things we do that helps a lot is talk about everything. Every single night we talk for at least an hour. A lot of times it is much longer....we do this when living together, too. We don't sit in front of the TV, we talk and share our day. It keeps us totally connected. We also send tons of pics on our phones...it may just be us driving down the road with a little hello...or the kids climbing a tree, the fresh mowed yard, a silly bumper sticker....all marriage is a lot of work. Mine isn't perfect and I would never claim it is, but I think it is better and stronger than most because we truly like each other and we have learned to communicate. So, for anyone thinking I need to seek counsel to decide with whom I want to spend my future, you are mistaken. It would be beautiful if adult children never had to face the harsh reality of their parents needing care. However, when they do, I am just glad to know I am the kind of person who will step up and say I am here to help. I hope my own children are learning from this and will be there for my husband and I when we reach that stage in life.

 

[seedcorn]

However, when they do, I am just glad to know I am the kind of person who will step up and say I am here to help. I hope my own children are learning from this and will be there for my husband and I when we reach that stage in life.


Understand your situation w/your Mom. From just this thread, I have NO idea as to your type of marriage. One comment tho.......not just for you but for all.

When we get too old to do for ourselves, it's up to US to move to make it more convenient on kids to help us. To expect the kids to revamp their living situation, kids, etc to take care of us is putting the family in dire straits. I agree it's up to kids to take care of parent when they are unable but make it easy on your kids.

If I ever become so ______ that I force my kids to chose between living w/their family or taking care of me, I hope someone puts me out of my misery.

 

[hazelton farms]

Quote:
is so very true!!! Also, I have told him so many times that he views people as disposable, and he really does. Everyone but me and the kids, anyway. He has lots of friends but has never had that lifelong connection with anyone but me. He is my best friend, my soul mate. We have worked through some extremely difficult situations since we married and we will this one, too. It just hurts right now.........

Again, thank you to everyone. I really appreciate alll of the kind words and thoughts. You guys are an awesome bunch here!!! This is definitely the best and the kindest group I have seen yet!!!

I'm glad to read this part after just now reading the first part. I think our military men count on us to support them when they have to do their jobs for low pay and low appreciation. You go girl! You're standing strong and you guys made a good choice!!

Stacy
Navy Wife

 

[luvmychicknkids]

Quote:
I agree that the elderly family member needs to make sacrifices to be close to their children for the needed help. However, NO ONE but the United States Air Force caused my family to be separated. All of my mom's....mental slippage, if you will, has occurred while I have lived here during the past 3 years....the 3 years the military forced my family to live apart. I am now having to take the needed extra time to make adjustments so that everyone can get what they need....hence my saying earlier that I needed the time to convince my mom to move where we do....and NO, I do not mean the same house....I could not handle that, just close enough for me to go help her and keep an eye on her and the girls.

 

[Oblio13]

Quote:
Isn't the Air Force an all-volunteer organization? I think the draft ended after the Vietnam war.

 

[Celeste]

Quote:
Isn't the Air Force an all-volunteer organization? I think the draft ended after the Vietnam war.

WOW!!! All branches are by contract....you cannot just QUIT!!! Once you choose to defend the USA you are stuck until your contract ends. They only care about manning not what is best for your family. If only it was that easy.