Mentally Ill Cousin on FB...

[SourRoses]

From what you said.. that sounds like just part od the disorder. Poor lady.

 

[GiddyMoon]

Quote:
Actually, she doesn't do drugs or drink at all, she never has. Oddly, she's very religious and drugs and alcohol are big no-no's to her. Interesting however, that she is okay with having unprotected sex with multiple partners.

By chance is she or anyone you know in your family on the Autism spectrum? A lot of what you talk about here is fairly common and many times with Autism related issues, there are co issues as well. She sounds an awful lot like my ex husband..but his problems were not so blatant..but just as bad in ways. VERY "religious"..has his strong do's and don'ts....he gives sermons in his church yet files things with the court system lying about my parenting, refuses to pay his child support for 10 years now, hides his income, he can be very mean, has no empathy, on and on..his mother had severe OCD and a type of split personality and other family members were called "crazy" a lot but never got diagnoses and proper help.

I agree with the poster that had this to say:

That being said I need to tell you that people with Borderline Personality Disorder thrive on a chaotic relationships. They feel the compulsion to "triangulate" conflicts within their inner circle. They themselves cannot handle their own emotions of pain, hurt, hate or anxiety and so they create situations where they can project their feelings onto other people. In a nut shell, it makes them feel better to do so.

That being said, she will not stop doing these things to you. Ever. The only thing you can do is remove yourself from your situation and hope she will someday seek therapy and even then it will take years to see an improvement. Personality disorders are very difficult to treat. There is no pill for a personality disorder.

To them, that is normal. Their emotions are hooked on the high they get when acting out. I don't see the point of having someone on your friend's list that is blocked from seeing anything..that is simply not helping anything. As you said, you are not part of her life anyway..personally I would send her an email, tell her exactly what times she was being very mean, inappropriate etc, and if she doesn't stop, delete her.

I have an Autistic, OCD, ODD son..he can be very mean at times and lacks empathy. Thankfully, thru the grace of God..when he does calm down and we can explain his actions, he gets it..and I NEVER hold punishments back becuase of his issues..if anything, he is the one that needs stronger parenting or his emotions WILL rule him..which is what it sounds like in your cousin.

I wish you the best of luck..I have had to deal with my own share of people like this and it is absolutely draining..​

 

[Laurajean]

Quote:
Actually, she doesn't do drugs or drink at all, she never has. Oddly, she's very religious and drugs and alcohol are big no-no's to her. Interesting however, that she is okay with having unprotected sex with multiple partners.

By chance is she or anyone you know in your family on the Autism spectrum? A lot of what you talk about here is fairly common and many times with Autism related issues, there are co issues as well. She sounds an awful lot like my ex husband..but his problems were not so blatant..but just as bad in ways. VERY "religious"..has his strong do's and don'ts....he gives sermons in his church yet files things with the court system lying about my parenting, refuses to pay his child support for 10 years now, hides his income, he can be very mean, has no empathy, on and on..his mother had severe OCD and a type of split personality and other family members were called "crazy" a lot but never got diagnoses and proper help.

I agree with the poster that had this to say:

That being said I need to tell you that people with Borderline Personality Disorder thrive on a chaotic relationships. They feel the compulsion to "triangulate" conflicts within their inner circle. They themselves cannot handle their own emotions of pain, hurt, hate or anxiety and so they create situations where they can project their feelings onto other people. In a nut shell, it makes them feel better to do so.

That being said, she will not stop doing these things to you. Ever. The only thing you can do is remove yourself from your situation and hope she will someday seek therapy and even then it will take years to see an improvement. Personality disorders are very difficult to treat. There is no pill for a personality disorder.

To them, that is normal. Their emotions are hooked on the high they get when acting out. I don't see the point of having someone on your friend's list that is blocked from seeing anything..that is simply not helping anything. As you said, you are not part of her life anyway..personally I would send her an email, tell her exactly what times she was being very mean, inappropriate etc, and if she doesn't stop, delete her.

I have an Autistic, OCD, ODD son..he can be very mean at times and lacks empathy. Thankfully, thru the grace of God..when he does calm down and we can explain his actions, he gets it..and I NEVER hold punishments back becuase of his issues..if anything, he is the one that needs stronger parenting or his emotions WILL rule him..which is what it sounds like in your cousin.

I wish you the best of luck..I have had to deal with my own share of people like this and it is absolutely draining..​

No, I don't think Autistic. I do know a couple of people with Autism, and I would not describe her as that. It's definitely the BPD, she is a textbook case, she could be the poster child, showing ALL of the symptoms. Possibly bipolar as well, but I would not think Autism.

Oh, and I am not blocking her from seeing my posts. She can still see my posts and all my pics, she just can't comment on them now.

It definitely is draining, I didn't like having to constantly check my FB to delete her rude comments, but I still want to be compassionate toward her, so it's been tough.

 

[SarahBeth9394]

My nephew has defriended family members that had no mental illnesses at all. And it was more than appropriate to do so.

 

[GiddyMoon]

Quote:
By chance is she or anyone you know in your family on the Autism spectrum? A lot of what you talk about here is fairly common and many times with Autism related issues, there are co issues as well. She sounds an awful lot like my ex husband..but his problems were not so blatant..but just as bad in ways. VERY "religious"..has his strong do's and don'ts....he gives sermons in his church yet files things with the court system lying about my parenting, refuses to pay his child support for 10 years now, hides his income, he can be very mean, has no empathy, on and on..his mother had severe OCD and a type of split personality and other family members were called "crazy" a lot but never got diagnoses and proper help.

I agree with the poster that had this to say:

That being said I need to tell you that people with Borderline Personality Disorder thrive on a chaotic relationships. They feel the compulsion to "triangulate" conflicts within their inner circle. They themselves cannot handle their own emotions of pain, hurt, hate or anxiety and so they create situations where they can project their feelings onto other people. In a nut shell, it makes them feel better to do so.

That being said, she will not stop doing these things to you. Ever. The only thing you can do is remove yourself from your situation and hope she will someday seek therapy and even then it will take years to see an improvement. Personality disorders are very difficult to treat. There is no pill for a personality disorder.

To them, that is normal. Their emotions are hooked on the high they get when acting out. I don't see the point of having someone on your friend's list that is blocked from seeing anything..that is simply not helping anything. As you said, you are not part of her life anyway..personally I would send her an email, tell her exactly what times she was being very mean, inappropriate etc, and if she doesn't stop, delete her.

I have an Autistic, OCD, ODD son..he can be very mean at times and lacks empathy. Thankfully, thru the grace of God..when he does calm down and we can explain his actions, he gets it..and I NEVER hold punishments back becuase of his issues..if anything, he is the one that needs stronger parenting or his emotions WILL rule him..which is what it sounds like in your cousin.

I wish you the best of luck..I have had to deal with my own share of people like this and it is absolutely draining..​

No, I don't think Autistic. I do know a couple of people with Autism, and I would not describe her as that. It's definitely the BPD, she is a textbook case, she could be the poster child, showing ALL of the symptoms. Possibly bipolar as well, but I would not think Autism.

Oh, and I am not blocking her from seeing my posts. She can still see my posts and all my pics, she just can't comment on them now.

It definitely is draining, I didn't like having to constantly check my FB to delete her rude comments, but I still want to be compassionate toward her, so it's been tough.

Autism manifests itself in 1000s of ways. I have had so many people tell me they didn't think my son was Autistic becuase they knew someone Autistic and my son wasn't "like that". My ex husband finally admitted he thought he had Aspergers, after 50 years of these types of behaviors yet very few people around him knew the real him..becuase he was good at faking things. Autism frequently has co existing problems. From what I have witnessed in Bi polar people; they are not mean, vengeful, as you describe, maybe I am wrong..but I would not be surprised if there was more to her. ..One of my mom's closest lifelong friends is bipolar. This is why I ask. Not all Autistic people are mean, but when you mix disorders, it can really be a very toxic, blow up in your face mix. My mom's friend KNOWS when she is being difficult to work with. She still tries though lol. We can tell when her judgment is clouded but she doesn't act like a bratty 10 year old. lol

On a side note

Are you sure she can still SEE the posts? From everything I found in the settings, it says "Make this visible to" It doesn't say anything about them being able to see it but not respond. It doesn't really make a difference..I just want people to be aware..no where in the settings does it say someone can see them but not respond, it says hide from these people.


Here is an article about those settings

http://tech.lifegoesstrong.com/facebook-posts-mom-and-dad-can-t-see

 

[flgardengirl]

Quote:
x2 good advice!

 

[Laurajean]

Quote:
No, I don't think Autistic. I do know a couple of people with Autism, and I would not describe her as that. It's definitely the BPD, she is a textbook case, she could be the poster child, showing ALL of the symptoms. Possibly bipolar as well, but I would not think Autism.

Oh, and I am not blocking her from seeing my posts. She can still see my posts and all my pics, she just can't comment on them now.

It definitely is draining, I didn't like having to constantly check my FB to delete her rude comments, but I still want to be compassionate toward her, so it's been tough.

Autism manifests itself in 1000s of ways. I have had so many people tell me they didn't think my son was Autistic becuase they knew someone Autistic and my son wasn't "like that". My ex husband finally admitted he thought he had Aspergers, after 50 years of these types of behaviors yet very few people around him knew the real him..becuase he was good at faking things. Autism frequently has co existing problems. From what I have witnessed in Bi polar people; they are not mean, vengeful, as you describe, maybe I am wrong..but I would not be surprised if there was more to her. ..One of my mom's closest lifelong friends is bipolar. This is why I ask. Not all Autistic people are mean, but when you mix disorders, it can really be a very toxic, blow up in your face mix. My mom's friend KNOWS when she is being difficult to work with. She still tries though lol. We can tell when her judgment is clouded but she doesn't act like a bratty 10 year old. lol

On a side note

Are you sure she can still SEE the posts? From everything I found in the settings, it says "Make this visible to" It doesn't say anything about them being able to see it but not respond. It doesn't really make a difference..I just want people to be aware..no where in the settings does it say someone can see them but not respond, it says hide from these people.


Here is an article about those settings

http://tech.lifegoesstrong.com/facebook-posts-mom-and-dad-can-t-see

Thanks, but I didn't really start this thread to try and diagnose my cousin. I referenced Bipolar because she suffers OTHER symptoms as well that DO fit bipolar, extreme highs and lows, etc. I see no signs of Autism as I said. Regardless of what she suffers from, the point is that she is mentally ill and I mentioned that to make the point that she isn't just some rude person that one could ration with in a normal way.

As far as the FB settings, I'm not going to worry about whether she can see my posts or not, I hate trying to figure out FB settings. I just wanted to make it so she can't post anymore without unfriending her, so regardless of the other details, I have done that now.

 

[Mattemma]

Glad to read you found something that works. It really is quite sad that her life has turned out this way.Thinking how different things could be. With so many things that can go wrong with the body I am grateful my family has not had any issues other than drug addiction in a few family members.