Mitty - The horse story

[horsecrazychicklovingkid]

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I think you could use better word choice, and you really need to write this somewhere with automatic spell-check. Also, some of the horse sounds you wrote, are not sounds horses would make, although I like how you showed the fighting in the herd, which would happen in a real herd but most forget to put it. Very descriptive, use as much description as you possibly can!

You aren't publishing it? Why?

You totally should!

How could I use better word choice? Could you use one of my sentences to give me an example? And, please excuse my spelling too

When I edit this I'll fix it. And what sorta sounds did I make the horses do, again? Thank you for this help!

I really appreciate it. And, it didn't cross my mind that a cougar attacked two foals in Spirit also. Oh well, not like it's copyrighted

I'll put the next chapter up maybe today, I've been really busy and I need to buy my friend a Breyer Horse. Woot! Me and her loooove Breyer Horses.

Ooh, I have 21! I'm sure dreamworks doesn't care though, seriously.

 

[horsecrazychicklovingkid]

1.) I would suggest using for example - Two and a half hours vs. 2 1/2 hours, six months vs. 6 months, etc. (it's better to use the word form when dealing with numbers in writing a book)
2.) I must say, most horse sounds usually don't start with an R.

Horse sounds usually start with a N or maybe W.
3.) For Mitty's thoughts you should use italics. I noticed you have been using them lately, but occasionally not.

 

[WooingWyandotte]

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What I mean by using the word "Reigh" is it sounds like a neigh but w/o an 'n'. That's how I hear it when a horse screams aggresively. And wonderful tips! I'll keep those in mind. Any more?

 

[WooingWyandotte]

Wow! I was just looking at all these stories! Crazy! There was like ten more put up today. Lol, I guess stories are in style. Seeing other peoples work makes me feel like I write terrible. Humph...

 

[luvinmychickens]

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No you don't. You are very good.

 

[WooingWyandotte]

Chapter 17

As we weaved our way through the pines, eventually they thinned. I peered past each trunk as we passed, afraid of what I might see but not wanting to miss it. Of course there was nothing there...but that didn't keep me from glancing around. Five minutes later the trees were far apart now with bushes in between. The air was tainted with a delicate scent, I felt more easy now. My head was continuously turning and marveling at the host of colors! Scarlet, butter yellow, lacy white, and dark purple. What a beauty! Our Maker sure knows what he's doing. I grinned to myself - the first grin in a long time. Of late I'd noticed my mood had been grumpy, I got frustrated easier and waves of depression often came over me. This frustration must be because I'm being held hostage. Oh how angry I am at ScarFace!! I want to fight him and beat him up! And I also wish he would leave and fall of a cliff an - No. I musn't let him ruin this miracle I'm walking through. After those thoughts the rest of my time walking was ruined with lousy thoughts.
Soon, we came to the edge of the forest. I could breathe! I looked ahead, past the last trees. Rolling hills, soft and green met my eyes. But - oh! If only the sun could've shined! It would've brightened me up a bit. Instead, it was overcast. The clouds hung like dark sludge. It was foggy, too. Like a thin film, hanging over the land. At least it isn't humid! That would suck. It was nippy and sent a shiver down into my bone marrow. I leaned over and whispered to Agnes.
"I can feel winter."
"Me too." She looked at me; and I could smell her fear. "What will they do with us, Mitty?"
I shook my head sorrowfully. "I honestly don't know, Agnes."
Suddenly, I was pushed! Almost knocked off my feet! My shoulder hurt, throbbing with pain. Angered, I glanced sideways, and came face to face with Mongol. His hideous scowl was utterly quenching. "Quiet." I nodded vigorously, silently resolving not to speak again with him around. I was humbled for the moment, but after thinking it through I was black with hate. How dare he? That freakin' idiot! How should I kill him? I feel like kicking him! UGH. I didn't kick him, deciding it was in my best interest not too.
ScarFace led the way, into the mist. I was a little frightened of the mist at first What if this swallowed me? Will I melt? What if it's alive? Much to my relief, I soon discovered it was none of those things. A couple hours we pressed on, mile after mile, hill after hill, after awhile it all looked the same. Thirty minutes passed and I was hungry, thirsty....exhaustion was kicking in. Normally I could've went on much longer, but I was so pukin' tired! It was grueling. Each step felt like I was lifting a cement block, my body felt like a potato sack that my wilting soul had to pull. My head was drooping and my eyelids asking to shut, once they did actually shut....only to snap open again because a cruel hoof kicked my side. Ohhh, OUCH! This was TOTALLY enough! I sat on my haunches.
"ScarFace!" My eyes were blazing.
"What." He looked back, he looked a little surprised to see me sitting.
"I am NOT going any further."
He laughed, "Yes you are."
"Why?"
"Because I tell you too."
"What if I don't care what you say?"
"If you don't care now," Here he paused, his mouth twisted in a hateful grin. "You will wish you had."
"No, I'm never going to wish I had listened to you." My eyes were steady now, and my mouth grim.
"What makes you say that?"
"Because I'm tired. And when Mitty is tired," Here I paused, my eyes mocking "She kicks butt."
He came a step closer. His features were darkened with contempt, outlining them. So ugly...he's sick. I thought silently.
He was coming closer, minutes before a car crash people say you can see it in slow motion... well, this was my crash. He suddenly opened his mouth and let out a freakish sound! He then lunged toward me, I was trembling, knowing that these were probably my last moments. He hit me with brutal force, knocking the air outta me a opened my mouth to scream in pain but no sound came out! He was up in a moment kicking and biting me. I just cried and cried, bearing each burst of pain as well as I could, but it hurting all the same. Soon I had cuts, scrapes, and bruises all over. Just then, the kicking and neighing stopped. I heard a string of curses being uttered in surprise. I looked up, trying to lift my head. Agnes was taking on Scarface! She was beating him up, hitting him so fast and hard he was throwing a HUGE fit!
"Go Agnes!" I weakly smiled, but then my world blacked out. I saw nothing, heard nothing, and felt nothing. I was swept in a sea of blackness....

 

[the outdoorsman]

 

[Theeggboxtoo]

 

[WooingWyandotte]

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That was ecstatic

Ok, I have a question.....what do you think will happen next?

 

[DuckLover2399]

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That was ecstatic

Ok, I have a question.....what do you think will happen next?

She is gonna wake up