Mother-in-law learns lesson.

[BantyChickMom]

My MIL is really a great person.
Although she can be really irritating at times, she will do anything she can for her family.
She's a little overprotective when it comes to either of her sons, but my dh doesn't dwell on it and trys to turn it off.
If he is sick, MIL will call everyone she knows to get medicine, If he has worked long hours, she always says 'son, you look like you're so tired' -- it doesn't matter that i've worked right there with him the same # of hours.
She will babysit anytime we need her, but we usually only ask if we have to work the weekend or at night. (We own our own business)
The one thing that really gets me is when we do work and she watches the kids at our house, she never tries to straighten up or clean up the kitchen, wash dishes she used,
then I have to come in to a nasty kitchen after working all day and cook supper.
She is probably my best friend after my husband.
I can talk to her about anything and be sure she isn't going to blab it to anyone else.
I can't even trust my own mother not to blab.
I guess you have to take the good and the bad together.
Even though she doesn't understand my chicken addiction, I would have to say I have a pretty good MIL.

 

[chickiepoo]

I guess I am one of the lucky ones. My MIL is 86. I am 51. I married her baby boy 3 years ago, and she Loooves me. But, I can tell, we would not have gotten along very well earlier in our lives. She is a vain, little sweetheart. She has 3 sons and none of them ever broke a saucer. DH has lost 60 lbs, since we met. Dear MIL weighs 113. "Those boys got their weight problem from their father's side of the family". We were leaving her house last week and DH has gained maybe 6 lbs. She said "Son, you've been putting on weight! Must be Paula is feeding you too well," I responded, walking out the door, "Not me!" I'm not feeding him M&M's and popcorn.

Little woman has found fault with me cause I love ....like tomatoes...and okra. She can eat fried chicken by the bucket, but since she doesn't gain weight.. no problem. She thinks I am nuts cause I keep chickens and dairy goats. I know compared with the rest of the MIL stories this is minor. What is so funny is one of those old time stories,"who's your mama, who's you daddy?" They were all neighbors. Close neighbors. His daddy and my grandaddy both came from the same adjacent county to work in this county with the same company.

I say I am lucky cause I am old enough to put it all in perspective. If I had been younger, I would have put my baby in the stroller and walked down the street two blocks to my Mama's house, and told her to KMRB. ( that's Kiss my Royal Be----)

 

[Lunachick]

I don't have any MIL stories, she died in the early 90's. She had a rough life. So I won't say anything about her out of respect.

Hooo boy! I sure enjoyed reading all of your stories! I bet you all feel better unloading!

 

[cknmom]

I have been blessed with MIL's. My first marriage, my IL's lived 20min. away, we saw them Easter, thanksgiving some years and Christmas. Every once in a while other times of the year. They didn't interfere, if we needed help, they were there. They traveled a lot. I loved them both. He passed on years ago.I have been divorced for years, but still am i contact with her.

My woderful new DH(4yrs. married, 11 yrs. together) his step monster(as he calls her) is nice but both her and DH's father are the keep up with the jonses type.They didn't like me for several years, not until they realized that I wasn't going anywhere. The year we got married they finally accepted me. We get along fine as long as we keep politics out of our conversations.We spend more time with them this last year as FIL had a medical scare and lost the lower half of one leg. He is doing better now, but it made him more accepting and wanting to be amongst his family more.

My wonderful DMIL is great! I love her so much, I love spending time with her. We even took her with us to a Neil Young concert a few years ago, she took us to see CATS. We used to spend time together alomost every week and every holiday as she is alone(she has many friends and church though). Now we live in the mtns. and about an hour away so we don't spend as much time as we used to, too much work to do on the ranch. But DH works 5 min. away form her house, so he sees her almost every week. She travels a lot. She doesn't poke into our business, we actually had very similar bad first marraiges, so we can get together and talk about how awful our first marriages were, and how happy we are now. She always has said since she first met me, that DH and I were made for each other, we completed each other, we have so much in common and are so similar.

My mom on the other hand is a bit of a problem. She is the nicest, sweetest person but, she is very naive, and set in her ways. I was brought up to not say anything to anyone to hurt their feelings or make them angry, even if they did or said something to hurt me or make me angry. I was to go along with anything to keep peace. I lived my life that way for sooo long. When I was a teen, I stood up for myself in defiance of what I had been taught. Then I found myself in a relationship that was violent. He beat my cofidence right out of me. Then after my first husband finished the job until I fianlly got rid of him. My DH has taught me once again that I don't have to let people walk all over me. So I now stand up for myself once again. As a result, I no longer have contact with two of my children and my relationship with my mom is strained sometimes. She buts in our life alot, but on the other hand if we need help her and my DSF, are right there. She is judgemental and thinks that I should listen and do what she says, but won't listen to what I have to say if it is something that she doesn't agree with.
We are having an argument now and I hope that we will still be able to spend thanksgiving together this year, as she has been having medical problems.
Sorry, off subject ,I've been upset about this the last week.
My dad and mom(they adopted each others children when I was a pre-teen) are great, we don't see them much but they don't interfere at all.

Monica

 

[JenniferJoIN]

You guys will appreciate this one. This past weekend, my 'future' mother-in-law attacked again.

I was holding a baby and bouncing him around when she came up to me and said "Well, WE'RE not ready for one of those yet, right?" I didn't even know what she was referring to so I said "What?" And she said "WE'RE not ready for one of those yet, RIGHT." And I looked at her and said "I guess thats not your decision to make, is it?" And she looked stunned for a second. Then she said "Oh, I know..."

Then, a minute later she comes around and says "But when you guys ARE ready and trying, you'll tell me, right?" And I looked at her like she was crazy and said "NO! That's none of your business!" She looked stunned again and said "Oh Jen..."

Grr. For one, we're not engaged and haven't even talked about getting married. For two, I don't plan on having kids for a while, I want to travel and have fun first. GRRRR.

 

[arlee453]

Gee, I THOUGHT I had the world's best MIL until last week. She has lived with us for the past 12 years and I THOUGHT was the nicest, stay-out-of-your business MIL that anyone could have. I can't overstate how much I thought I had the world's best MIL who would do no wrong by us.

Then the fun began... we just got back from a 2 week European vacation with the 3 oldest kids. The baby (he's almost 5 yrs) stayed with a friend of ours and she worked with MIL to make sure he was all taken care of while we were gone. My MIL had a few long chats with my friend, who hesitated to tell me what she had said, but felt I needed to know so I can 'watch my back' as she said.

Come to find out, my MIL apparently has been telling our 'business' (or at least her slightly confused version of it) to all the rest of the family, to the point where my SIL "P" (married to DH's bro) thinks she needed to call social services on us.

Here's our list of 'sins' worth calling SS, according to what MIL told my friend...
1) I nursed my last baby until he was 2 yrs old. OK, so not everyone is into nursing a toddler, but since when is is NEGLECT or ABUSE to follow the American Association of Pediatrics recommendation on breastfeeding? and I quote from the AAP website:

"It is further recommended that breastfeeding continue with appropriate food supplementation for at least 12 months and thereafter for as long as mutually desired by the mother and the child"

So, now tell me, how is NURTURING my child in a way RECOMMENDED by the pediatric association somehow neglectful or abusive or inappropriate???

2) We had a home birth with one of our children. Home birth is in no way illegal for parents, and is a great start for healthy and normal newborns. We had our baby at the ped's office for a checkup that same day, and had a certified midwife there - so it's not like we were negligent of heath care issues. This same kid is now a happy and healthy, well-adjusted and neat 7 yr old, who hasn't been to the Dr for illness more than a couple times over the last 3-4 years.

3) Our house is messy. Yes, it is. However, I'll point out there are no animal feces on the floor, and that there are no infestations of mice or insects. It's MESSY. I have 4 kids. Of course it's messy. My kids are almost NEVER sick and when they are it usually ends up being a very short illness of the usual colds and stuff. I almost never have to take any of them in for illnesses to the Dr. So, tell me how is having a messy house harming them in any way??

4) We are not feeding our children. This one BURNS me up because my kids are forever going over to her place (she lives in her own apt attached to the back of our house) begging her for food, 5 min after I tell them that we are gettting ready to go out to eat, or I've got supper started, etc. If they find out what we're having isn't what they want, they will then go over to her place and act like we don't have any meals planned at all. Or, sometimes they eat over here and then 5 min later are over at her house eating like the're starved to death. You know how kids are! So, of course she feeds them and thinks that I'm not providing food for them. AAARRRGGGHHH!

It's really been heartbreaking to find out that this person who has LIVED WITH US for so long and NEVER said anything negative or critical has actually been bad-mouthing us to anyone who will listen. I don't even know what to say to her anymore.

My other SIL (lets' call her "J") came over - the one who would actually come to US FIRST, rather than just bad mouthing us - and insinuated the the issues with my son that was recently hospitalized were partially due to the fact that the house is a bit cluttered. WHAT????

Saddest of all, I've now told the kids they are NOT to go over to see her unless they ask permission first. I hate to withold them from their grandmother, but now I feel I can't trust them to say something innocently and it be taken in the wrong way by her.

I don't think any major would happen if SS was actually called, as there is NO abuse or neglect happening - worst case they would tell me to clean up my house a bit. BUT it would sure be a royal pain to deal with them if they showed up on my doorstep.

The other thing that really gripes me the most is that the SIL who would be the one to actually call SS on me (lets call her 'P') used to beat the sh%$# out of her her kids all the time, AND she works for SS as a social worker. She had the balls to say last time she was over here that she never really ever spanked her boys. WHAT!!??!!

We all used to go to the beach as a extended family (my DH has 2 bro and a sis, and he's always been the odd one out and his sibs think he gets the preferential treatment from his mom since he's the 'baby' of the 4...) and I saw this woman pop, spank and slap her kids MULTIPLE times a day - to the point where I thought about calling SS on HER! Of course, with all the dysfunction at HER house, she keeps it spotless.... my stepmom (who is a neat freak) once told me that anyone with kids who has a spotless house is compensating for something. She says her house was spotless when her kids were little because that was the ONLY thing in her life she could control, with an abusive and cheating spouse... but I digress.

It kills me that people who are supposed to be 'family' and support one another just get their kicks from making us miserable. Not ONE TIME have we ever gotten offer of help or advice or concern from them, not ONCE. But apparently 'P' would call SS on us without coming to us first with her concerns.

DH and I have a good loving relationship, we nurture and support our kids in what they want to do, while setting appropriate limits with loving discipline. We don't use spanking as a regular punishment. We don't sexually or emotionally abuse our children. We don't expose them to inappropriate behaviors such as excessive alcohol consumption or sexual behavor. There is no drug abuse at our house. There is no arguing, abuse or fighting between their parents. They have two parents who live with them, who are married with a stable relationship.

I may not be 100% perfect parent (who is) but I have to say my kids are forever getting compliments on how nice and well behaved they are, as well as what good people they are on the inside. Whatever we may be doing, we must be doing SOMETHING right. Isn't the proof in the pudding as they say???

If you've read all this, I just have to say thanks for listening. I don't have anyone else I can vent to about this. I sure can't go confront my MIL. She knows through "J" that we are NOT happy with her. My DH made is clear to his sister "J" that we will not be participating in any further family events NOR are any of them welcome in our home if their only intent is to drum up 'evidence' against us.

-S

 

[EweSheep]

Arlee, whoa some in law you got there!

First of all, there is NO strict timeline when you should stop breastfeeding your child. Its the bond you have with your child and your child will let you know he no longer wants to breastfeed or you decide the time frame to wean him. No one else should tell you to stop. My own mother had advise me to stop breastfeeding because my daughter "acted" like she is always hungry. Well, my doctor said she is very well norished and should not stop breastfeeding at all until she or I decided when. Well my daughter decided to stop at six months and she starting to "teeth" that it hurts. Thank God for that!

NOthing wrong with homeschooling...not every parent can do the job but surely we used to do that when our parents and grandparents didnt have any formal schooling. So is home birthing....didnt our grandparents and great grandparents did that and most of them did just fine!

Oh yeah, kids are just like that acting like they are starving! When my daughter goes to Grandma's house, she would just eat all the candies and so forth that I dont have in my house, my mother made a comment, dont you ever FEED her???!!!! Oh get a life! When you have kids going thru your house with all the goodies you have available for them, they WILL eat there. At my house, she will eat what we eat, no or little junk food and cakes and cookies are made from scratch.....it takes time to make them so we dont eat them that often.

You are always going to have a MESSY house...toys all over the place, coloring books and paints mess on tables, soaps all over sink and floor, pees on floor when trying to get on seat (or they "overshoot" their aim) and spilt milk or water on floor. In due time, it will get better but as a teenager, all of her stuff will be contained in her room and her room only. I only clean up the house, wash the floor once a week. Surely you will NOT find pet waste, spoiled food and manure on my floor, nooooooo siree! No reason to call the SS on for that reason! We are all guilty of giving our children more toys and things that we ever did and now its to simplify things is to have five to ten items to play with for the week and change it over to other five to ten toys. If toys were purchased, each toy bought will be each toy in toy box be donated to charity or someone who needs them.

Never spank her kids....well that is up to the parent discrection how they want to disclipine their kids. Yes I do spank my daughter but not to abuse her ... there is a FINE line between abuse and disclipine....look at kids nowadays. No spanking or corrections being made at the spot and they think they owned the world. Animals do the same way too when their offsprings get out of hand. I got spanked as a child and did well too. Consisently is the word and it works along with the 1 2 3 time outs.

No parent is 100 percent perfect...we are still learning as we go even our children leaves the nest.

Set boundaries on your folks....it helps because my hubby and I had to go to family counseling and setting boundaries helped us with our parents and sure, they will be upset but in due time, they will understand.

I think you are doing all right, Arlee and just go with the flow and set boundaries with you and your family.

 

[JenniferJoIN]

Wow, Arlee. That is just crazy!!!! And how aggravating that she was talking behind your back! What does DH say about it?

 

[arlee453]

what does your DH say?

If it is possible, he's more upset than I am by it. He's always felt his whole life that he was the picked on kid by his brothers and sister. There is a 7 yr difference between him and his sibs (he's the youngest) and I think they always thought he got more or better than they did growing up.

He just feels really betrayed by his mom and his sibs to. We aren't surprised by "P" - she's always been the type of person who tries to make herself feel better by putting other people down, but his mother really shocked us.

Believe me, there are more issues with him and his sibs than this one.

It is really sad that the only person to actually say anything to us directly, and that was after all this blew up last week, was his sister "J" who was his little momma to him growing up (10 yrs older than him). At least she had the guts to actually say something directly to us rather than going around behind our backs.

I think "J" is also scared that "P" will call SS in just to stir crap up.

Anyway, he's the one who has said that his family is no longer welcome in our home. I think that is really really sad...

Susan​