my best friend is a flake

[PineappleMama]

I wouldn't take the cat... because dollars to donuts if it doesn't work out and you try and give it back she won't answer her phone and then YOU will be the one stuck with it...

This said from the one with THREE dogs... we adopted one... the other two were dumped on us... Janie by mom "happy mom's day I'm going to vegas"... and then by Sis "just until I get a place"... all still here... years later. So, been there done that. I'm lucky DH likes dogs.

That's not an option for you... yours doesn't like cats... and deserves to come home to a home he's comfy in after serving... Your DH's needs come first... not her latest BF's whines. She says anything just tell her that you're doing just like her and putting the man you love's wants and needs before friends.

You aren't choosing your DH over her... you're choosing your DH over that buttwipe. Even when your DH's not within 1000 miles I betcha he still wins hands down.

Edit... on the L word note... DH proposed after 3 DAYS... here we are 14 years later...

So now and then (rarely) that kind of thing happens.

 

[chickensducks&agoose]

as far as the cat, he's a F-3 silver savannah, but I think she knows, in her heart that this guy is a few shingles short of a roof, so she is really hoping that I'll babysit the cat for a couple of months, to see if that saves things, or if there are still problems. SO as much as I'd love to pass on the blessing of crazy cat, she is only looking for a temporary situation... ugh.

 

[Robin'sBrood]

Quote:
Exactly! But she's probably not going to listen and will have to learn this the hard way.


Poor kitty... I'd take it just to keep it safe from the BF. Hopefully they'll be through with each other soon... and I hope and pray she doesn't get pregnant by him!

 

[PineappleMama]

chickensducks&agoose :

as far as the cat, he's a F-3 silver savannah, but I think she knows, in her heart that this guy is a few shingles short of a roof, so she is really hoping that I'll babysit the cat for a couple of months, to see if that saves things, or if there are still problems. SO as much as I'd love to pass on the blessing of crazy cat, she is only looking for a temporary situation... ugh.

And if it's not? YOU figure it's temporary, until they break up... but clearly that is NOT how she's thinking at all. She stays with him she's not going to want to hear you say "I thought it was just until you opened your eyes to what a _____ he is and ditched him!"

Likewise though if it lasts for a while and you, DH etc (miracle of miracles) get attached and THEN she shows up demanding her cat back are you going to tell her "YOU said this was forever, that you wanted HIM, not the cat and now we're attached so tough nuggets!"? Or if it DOESN'T are you going to call her and tell her "You said this was temporary until you dumped him, come get your cat or he's going to the pound!"

Or hey, doesn't last and she comes to get her cat and says "You only agreed to take the cat because you knew it was bad, why didn't you tell me!!"... or "You jinxed me by thinking it would be short term"

Or...

Seems like you'd be letting yourself in for a lot of heartache down the road no matter what happens. Unless she signs over all rights, hands over all papers/pedigree and you'll be able to sell the critter if she flakes out then no way would I take it... just asking for trouble... and this for a 'friend' you yourself say you hardly speak to... for a GOOD friend, good neighbor... family... yeah, but for a flake you can't stand to see so you only speak on the phone... no, no way.​

 

[Livinzoo]

I once dated a guy like that. When he complained about my cats I told him that they were here before him and if he has issues with them they would be here long after him. He shut up about them then, but I didn't wise up for another year, when I finally ditched him.

I wouldn't take the cat. Let her deal with it. Tell her what I said to that guy. If he leaves her she is soo much better off.

 

[Cindiloohoo]

i'd take the cat with a deadline, after the dealine she doesn't come get it...sell it...call it reimbursement for having a crappy user friend. She needs to wake up. Abuser, manipulater....hope that's what she wants.

 

[redhen]

I wanted the kitty...

 

[KBChicks]

I didn't read through all the posts but I think I get the jest of what's going on....

I have a friend whom I can be totally honest with....

I let her know what I thought of her situation and was "stern" (God...what an "Old Lady Word")
If you're close to her...let her know exactly how you feel and try to guide her in the right direction

If you want the cat...tell her if you're going to welcome it into your home ....it's yours....

If she wants the man....she's stuck with him.....with-out the cat....and she's going to have to deal with all the consequences that come with him....(you'll be there, of course, to pick up the pieces)

Best of luck to the both of you

 

[WhySayWhat]

All of my cats are adopted by me...I would take the cat to keep it away from someone who openly talks about killing it! If he's that bold about telling the cat's OWNER he wants it dead, he is stupid enough to follow through.

My botfriend and I have a hard time saying no to rescue animals, we fostered around 11 "orphaned" kittens each year for 3 years during "kitten season". If it becomes a more "permanent" situation, I would let your friend know that you can't keep it indefinitely (I would ask that she continue paying for it's care) and that after X months, or a year, you will take it to a rescue facility to find it a permanent home. NEVER take an animal to the pound! They euthanize something like 90% of all animals that get walked in there! (Black dogs are especially targeted because "nobody" wants them. I love them, but I'm biased there!) Find a shelter or group with a no-kill policy, they will find him/her a forever home if you cannot provide it..and if you let your friend know that she is still financially responsible for said cat, she had to go with you to relinquish it.

You'll do what's right for you...but I would not risk the life of the cat just because you want to force your friend to wake up and smell the poo she's currently dating. She'll eventually figure it out...usually faster if no oneis pushing her to leave, she may just be stubborn enough to make it work because everyone hates him!

 

[Ema]

WOW..I went through this with a guy....we dated several months and all was good went on a cross country trip with him and all was good then when we came back home after our trip he wanted to move in together, my dad liked him my brothers liked him, and even my son liked him. when we got the apartment it had to be decorated his way, and none of my stuff was allowed to enter the apartment so I had to leave my stuff with my dad.

a week later he tells me I have to get rig of Beau my Persian cat, says he doesn't like it, so I brought the cat to my dads, a month later he tells me we needed to to have a serious talk. He told me that in order to keep living in the apartment with him and have a relationship with him I had to give my son up for adoption!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I walked out and went to work told him he was very insane, amongst other not so very nice things. I went to work and he was supposed to pick me up after work to finish the conversation as I was not done with him!! he didn't show up, I got my brother to pick me up and I went back to dads ( I have always had a permanent room at my dads, its the house I grew up in) anyhow three days later he calls me and says so how did you like not having me around to pick you up, leaving you stranded? he shows up at my house (dad's house) and tells me again that I need to give up my son for adoption,we were talking int he car because he didn't want to come in the house, when I tried getting out of the car he grabbed my arm and threatened me, I got out of the car and rounded around the drivers side towards my front door when he tried to open the door, well lets just say he ended up with a sore leg and face from me slamming that darn door shut!!! Up to that point I had done everything he had asked me to do, stopped talking to friends because he didn't approve, got rid of my cell phone, died my hair from blonde to dark at his request, and stopped wearing make up and shorts, I allowed him to furnish the apartment all on his own and accommodated him when he had issues with the cat. Him telling me to give my son up for adoption, woke me the heck up real very quick!!! that was the last time I accommodated any man!!

take me as you see me or keep walking chump!!

truth be told when I started dating my Dh 8 yrs ago almost 9 i told him, if my son doesn't like you I will not date you. my son loved him from day one, and my Dh has never tired to change me...well maybe except that day my hair dye failed miserably and my head was a brighter orange then the sunset!!!!!!