That's so sad about finding your bird feet up. I can feel just how heartbroken I would be if I walked in and found my big sweeties dead. Even though they are healthy, I'm still paranoid that it will happen anyway.
I can imagine that it would be hard to process. I plan on raising a dual purpose flock myself one day soon, and I know it won't be easy, especially at first. However, I want to be self sufficient, that's our ultimate goal, and I want to take responsibility for eating meat, and eating meat that was healthy and happy. But I've already told my fiance that we're going to have to take the birds in to be processed at first. I think the first step will be actually eating something I raised myself, and then I'll be able to wrap my head around "doing the deed".