My husband is being a jerk!! >:(

[TinyTotsSeramas]

Quote:
Somehow I missed your post (probably because I dont have my glasses on half the time im on here.)
anyways, so what your saying is that by me going to college full time to better myself for my children and so I dont have a reason to post another post like this isnt good enough.. So not only do I have to raise 3 kids with one going into kindergarden himself this year, one who is going through the horrible toddler stage, and one being an infant who is teething at the moment and being very demanding and also 2 of the 3 are constantly in and out of the hospital for breathing issues (they were both diagnosed with RSV as infants), taking care of the house and the animals, and believe it or not I DO try to budget money like I said in an earlier post, but now I also have to find job on top of being a full time college student... How exactly would that work? my classes are from 8:45 till 2:30.. how am I suppose to work and get all of the things I need done AND have time with my children? Am I suppose to be Wonder Woman? I would rather start my life with nothing and work for everything I have like I've already done my whole life then to just have things handed to me! Juss sayin!

 

[madamwlf]

Sorry but I know quite a few people who work and go to school full time. I would never dream of my husband supporting me. I go to school full time, work full time, am a full time mom to a human child and all my pets. And since my husband is military, he isn't home much so it is doubled in toughness since I have to do it all then. And there are thousands of military folks out there doing it just the same as me. It can be done. With today's economy it is very difficult for a family to have one money marker.

 

[Sonoran Silkies]

You and your husband need to be on the same page about finances, and you need to be equal partners in it all. First mention of why you quit work long before school starts was before you said you have three young children. Taking that into consideration, you need to calculate the cost of daycare versus working. There is no sense in working if all it pays for is daycare. However, it truly sounds like you and your husband are NOT on the same page about many things. Families and marriages are about WE, not ME. And major decisions that affect the other members of the family are made together.

 

[HeatherLynn]

Ok here is the low down cause this seems to be getting bogged down a bit with "what gives you the right to expect"'s and " men stink leave him now"'s.

Whats your priorities? Going to school not only to better yourself but to better your family. Time with kids and being a full time mom.( ie avoiding day care ect.) And yes its fine if someone else wants to do the mom thing differently but the Op seems to be trying to find a balance. There is no reason her husband should not support her. Is he still single? Did he not take part in the whole lets have 3 kids thing. Pretty sure he had to take part. There is no issue with 2 people being partners and one not working. They can depend on each other for different things. If it works for them then its fine. It comes down to we can all give you advice all day long but it won't fix a dang thing because we do not crawl in bed with the 2 of you each night. Nor did we walk down the aisle and commit ourselves to you both.

The only fix is to stop being mad at him and to work with him, to talk to him, and for you guys to make your own solutions. These solutions should be discussed and agreed upon. I will tell you right now I have complete charge over our finances. My husband wants nothing to do with them, and yet he still has to sit through every other week finalizing a budget for the next pay period. I do this so he cannot be resentful when I have to say no to something. All this works because we talked it over, just the two of us. I am not saying to do things how we do because it may not work. You guys need to sit down and talk and figure out some things and be prepared to compromise and learn from each other. He is not saying no to the chickens, just saying to find a different way . You could have said no to the rental center but offered to set aside a certain amount in the budget so that he could get a new machine sooner or you guys could have brainstormed and searched together for ways to bring in a bit extra and find one cheaper. Either partner should feel free to make suggestions, to stand firm on decisions or goals you both made. This is between you both. We can be here for that initial rant but at some point our advise becomes more upsetting and destructive than helpful.

You've had time to cool down. Go give your hubby a hug and talk. Good luck

 

[spiritdance]

Quote:
Umm, that's YOUR decision as to how to live your life. It DOES NOT give you the right to judge how others do! I too worked, went to school, and raised my kids, but I also respect those women who decide to spend more time with their kids! I missed a lot that I wish I hadn't because my schedule was so full while they were growing up ... when my third "surprise" child came along years later, I took more time with her and wouldn't change that for anything. As for a husband "supporting" a wife ... that's what spouses do! They support one another in whatever way is needed, whether that is emotionally, financially, or ... if you believe your equality in such a relationship is based on the money you bring to it, then that's just sad...

 

[TinyTotsSeramas]

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Yeah I was in the military with 2 of my 3 kids! I missed out on alot of them growing up and Im sick of it!! you also dont have two children who are alway in and out of the hospital for breathing issues!! now do you? that adds double to my already hectic life! now until you live a day in my shoes, as much as you want to sit there and say "I know what its like and I did it, so can you" you dont know! You dont have to get up every 4 hours to give a 5 year old and a 9 month old steroid nebulizer treatments an their so sick of getting them that the only thing they do is sit there an kick an scream but they HAVE to have them or their landed in the hospital AGAIN only to be hooked up to IVs, having chest xrays, having blood drawn and also getting the breathing treatments that if they would have had to begin with, would have never ended up back in the hospital to begin with! My daughter was just flown from one hospital to another because she ended up with Pneumonia so bad that she the hospital she was at could not keep her oxygen saturation levels up! Her levels got down to 86% where they should be 99%! She was hooked up to IVs, she couldnt eat for 3 days because they were trying to figure out the cause of the Pneumonia, she had 3 different breathing treatments every 4 hours and 8 different medications were given through her IV every 6 hours. she also kept puller her IV out so they had to reset it multiple times, by the time she left she looked like a pin cushion! and if you dont believe me here is the Helicopter that air lifted us to the other hospital

here she was hooked up to her IVs and Oxygen

Now imagine doing that not once but multiple times with 2 children!! See if you can still maintain your "wonder woman" appearance! I dont get 8 hours of sleep every night! I dont eat dinner with the rest of my family, I cant go to the bathroom whenever I want to, I cant take a shower until all of my kids are in bed, why? because Im always giving someone their medication that they dont want! so the fight alone takes about a half an hour! If it wasnt for a wonderful friend of mine who agreed to watch my children for just enough money to put gas in her car when she takes them out to the part, I would not even have the time to go to school!! so now what?

 

[DuckLady]

Please maintain a civil tone in this thread. This applies to all participants.

 

[TinyTotsSeramas]

Quote:
couldnt have said it better.. Thank you!

 

[CluckyJay]

Keep in mind how much it would cost to hire a professional to take proper care of your kids ...should you be forced into getting a full time job. There wouldn't be many regular daycares that would want that responsibility. There is not a thing wrong with your husband being the breadwinner of the family. Do what works for your family. With such sick babies, I don't blame you for wanting to stay home so you can give them the very best care. I am very traditional though and believe that women belong at home and the men should be the breadwinners.

Hubby and the rest of the world needs to realize this, yea.

This is one of those things that needs to be discussed whilst you're dating though. Make sure everyone is on the same page before the big commitment and kids.

Were as poor as poo and I am still a stay at home/home schooling mum. I have a little job that I use to pay our phone bill--but I work from home. And it really is a little amount of money I pull in. I budget very hard and if we cannot afford it, we don't get it. Many wives CAN stay home in "these hard economic times". You just have to get thrifty, and at times be pretty hard when it comes to the budget.

Top it all off with my husband has been on unemployment for quite some time and we still managed to make it. Luckily, he is probably getting his old job back and things will get a little "less lean" around here.

Good luck with this situation.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

punk-a-doodle
But yeah, on your original post, some things to consider (you don't have to comment on them, just consider to yourself) is who works in the household, and how do you both view any money coming in. If, say, you are working and you see the money as only yours, or if you, for instance, are both working but he brings in more and sees any money coming in as just his, this can cause vast issues if both partners are not on the same page. Meeting only one's own needs and desires and not considering those of a spouse definitely is not good times, and can cause some serious upset. I would not just buy the chickens, as that is modeling behavior that will not benefit a marriage (not discussing decisions with spouses, which it sounds he did not do with you for the Xbox). I would sit down, clearly discuss your frustrations, and then start thinking and talking about what needs to happen and start thinking about what will happen if it does not. That's just what I'd do personally though.

Silkiemomma2010
I had an xbox 360 Elite when we first got together an it just came up with the red ring of death a couple of months ago!! He has always been a HUGE gamer geek and will actually go through mood swings if he cant play a game! He was going to spend $52 every other week at another rental place but you didnt own the xbox after so long. right now he's the only one working cause im in the process of getting into college an should be starting in August just so I can get a better job besides processing mail for $7.50 an getting treated like a little child in middle school.. but he's blown $8000 2 years ago in less then a month!!! I admit that Im not the greatest at keeping money but atleast I have some sense to keep back what needs to be paid in bills THEN I can spend what I have left (i've been known to hoard money from him for 3 months without him knowing)
But come on now!! $15 for a 50lbs bag of chicken feed every month of so and they lay eggs to eat so he's being VERY selffish IMO!!

That is really excellent that you are furthering your education so that you can increase your job possibilities! What are you studying?

The thing that really leaps out to me is that you said your husband will go through mood swings when he can't play computer games. That points to the behavior being unhealthy to me, even more so because it sounds like he is overspending on the budget you guys can afford (or skewing it towards games rather than necessities), and that he is viewing the money as "his", at least in part, to be able to feed this. Is he like this with other things, or primarily games? Either way, addressing that, I believe, is very important. I think you guys also really need to sit down and talk about how you view finances, figure out what will work for the both of you. I can tell you that on a personal level, I would not be content going to school to further family income, taking care of three kids (how much does he help with this?), and chores (how much does he help here?), and not having a voice in finances. It's not that any money you guys make has to be a combined yours for a marriage to work, but everyone does have to be happy with the arrangement, everyone's needs must be met, wants should be addressed fairly, and money needs to be handled responsibly in a family situation as his debts are yours through marriage and vice versa.

"he's blown $8000 2 years ago in less then a month" tells me that the issue of finances is going to be a very important one to discuss for your family. Different people find different things helpful. Some benefit from seeing a couple counselor or family therapy, some see more benefit from individual therapy, others find a forum dedicated to the areas they are very worried about can help, others find help in books, and so on. I guess what I'm mainly trying to say is, this doesn't have to turn into a nagging fest or tug-of-war between the two of you. Reach out for help, especially since you are so bogged down and it sounds like you aren't getting great support. This will help make it less of a you vs. him and more of a discussion with outside input. This will also help ensure these issues don't get rationalized away or ignored.​