My husband left me and the kids.

[EweSheep]

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2x

 

[sheaviance1]

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Poor kids. When I was going through my divorce, I didn't ask my children about their Dad. I would simply ask them if they had a good time. They would open up and tell me things, but I didn't want to make them feel like they were being pumped for information everytime they spent time with him. Their Dad did grill them every time he seen them. He was mostly trying to find out if I was seeing anyone new so that he could hate him. He would also ask if I was crying over him, if I missed him, etc. My children hated going to see him, and I had to defend him and talk them into it. It was a sad situation. It is so hard to balance keeping your ex at arms length concerning "your" relationship, but encouraging the kids to have a good relationship with their Dad. I am so glad those days are over for me.

 

[Elite Silkies]

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Stay strong, you can do it

 

[karlamaria]

Been through all this crap before, never looked back. Ex was bad news and I decided when they were young to leave all that behind. Good advice from folks here, here is mine..... Use the record on your cell phone when you talk, make it short sweet and to the point. Do not argue, let him know it's being taped so he knows and you can use it in court if need be. Never meet alone Any more, if it's over it's over, meet him with family or a friend to discuss things, this way it's about the kids and not about he said she said. Let him know your taking your life back, and move forward. Nothing good comes from arguing . Now is the time to heal, your self, your kids and to allow him to do and act as he chooses. This is your time to grow. (((( hugs))))

 

[Glenmar]

Smart kiddos.

 

[they'reHISchickens]

All I can recommend is document, document, document EVERYTHING! Write it down and date it every time something like this happens.
It's completely normal for him to try to *fix* things with you. Try hard not to be alone with him. Always have a third person with you. Why? Because he knows what buttons to push to influence you and he will be pushing those buttons for all he is worth. The third person helps keep him as honest as he can be ( which may not be very honest.) DD uses only text and email to contact her ex and then prints it out for a record.
My divorce took four long years because I was very nice. Wrong thing and I and my youngest ones paid dearly for it. My oldest daughter is now going through the same thing because she ended up marrying a man similar to her father. I give her and you what I learned: If you have finally decided, be quick and ruthless. Being nice will not accomplish anything in a divorce. If niceness had worked on the man, you would not be divorcing.
*hugs* to you and try to hang in there. I know it is tough.

 

[aubreynoramarie]

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I just wanted to say that this same thing happened to me as a kid. we were walked out on by my drunk father who decided he was going to leave my pregnant step mother for some lady he met at the bar. I was hoping to give you some perspective from a childs standpoint.
i was 12 years old. we hadnt heard from him in three weeks until we were called by a hospital telling us that he had hit the back of a mini van on his motorcycle going 100 mph with a blood alcohol level of .25. When we went to visit him we couldnt get in because his girlfriend had told the nurses that she was his wife and the nurses did not believe that my stepmother was the real wife.
Finally a week later i got to see him in the hospital. that was the last time i saw him for many months. It was so hard on me. I would burst into tears in class sometimes but to be prefectly honest, being at home was much easier because my step mother showed us love and support. she did her best to make things easy for us and in the end i feel that we were more resiliant than i think most adults could imagine.
In the end after the divorce was final we had to go live with our father because our step mom couldnt adopt us. I ended up moving 500 miles away to be with my birth mother within a year.
I guess my point is that as their mom you can make this easier for them by just providing them with tremendous amounts of love. sometimes parents let their stress and anger fall on their kids. I also know that we had a hard time when my step mom would say bad things about our dad. we didnt need that, we figured it out on our own. this disease never goes away. My father was sober for 12 years before this whole fiasco. Im so sorry youre going through this. It is so hard

 

[ednasgirl]

My good friend's dad was a functioning alcoholic most of her growing up years. He worked, then would drink until he fell into bed at night. She felt unloved and sorry for what he was putting them all through. After about 50, his wife came down with cancer; He started going to AA and never drank again. Sadly, she died within three years, but she did get to see what a caring and loving person he became when the chips were down. After her death, he retired and became a VIP with Alcoholic Anonymous, helping more people than we could count. In his late 70's he married a wonderful woman and lived happily, loved by all and especially by his children.
Hope is there, but think first of what is best for you and your children and focus on that.

 

[Glenmar]

All these stories are so sad. I am currently living with an alcoholic who I hope will get treatment someday.

 

[chickened]

One of my wife's' ex-good friend has a husband that is an alcoholic and about 15 years ago she confided in my wife about what to do. She was not physically abused but mentally she was beaten daily. She had 2 kids that she raised and the husbands' idea of a good wife was to be at his disposal, he was/is a jerk. She in the end chose him over many friendships including my wife's' (her husband controlled her choices on who can be her friend) and she is still living in my opinion as a hostage to this guy with no way or chance of getting out, what can a person do really?