My leukemia's back.

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by donrae, Nov 9, 2014.

  1. Bunnylady

    Bunnylady POOF Goes the Pooka

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    I have held my peace for this long because I, too, hate confrontation, but can we stop the blame train for just a minute? Do you think it possible that he has, in reality, done nothing wrong?

    I have a feeling that if Rachel does get a knowledgeable third party involved, she may not like some of the things the third party would have to say to her. She is the one who has labeled this friendship inappropriate. She is the one who has decided that he was cheating in his heart. What was it 3goodeggs said about communication? Rachel's husband has said that his feelings toward this woman aren't any different than he has had for any of his other friends, and that he is being punished for something he didn't do. Rachel has said, in effect, "I don't trust you; you are lying about your feelings for her," do you suppose maybe he actually knows what he is feeling, and has been telling the truth?

    I'm sorry, but I must disagree with NorthFLChick - I think this is jealousy. There are two kinds of jealousy; jealousy with cause, and jealousy without cause. Jealousy without cause is blasting a guy for just making eye contact with the waitress at the restaurant, and jealousy with cause is catching him excusing himself from the table to get her phone number.[​IMG] Which is this? I don't know - maybe a little bit of both?

    Rachel, honey, I understand that you would be feeling powerless and vulnerable at this time. Seeing your husband spending this much time and attention on this woman could make you feel even more exposed; that's understandable. It is your husband's responsibility to do what he can to make you feel safe, not more vulnerable. If this friendship made you feel threatened, he needed to do whatever it took to remove the threat, and if ending it was the only thing that would work, that is what he should be prepared to do. But let's face it, if this was another guy he was palling around with, we wouldn't be having this conversation; you'd be glad he had a fishing buddy. Telling him that this friendship of his made you feel scared and vulnerable was the right thing to do; he could then see what he could do to make you feel more secure. That's treating each other with the respect that adults deserve.

    But however powerless you might be feeling, everyone in a relationship has power, and it must be wielded with care. When you confronted your husband, you took the power that you have, balled it into a fist, and hit him over the head with it. You put him in the position of having to tell this woman, "I'm sorry, but my mommy says I can't play with you any more." Is it any wonder he feels resentful?

    All friendships, even same-sex ones, are like little romances - you see something you like in the other person, you enjoy each others' company, you share common interests, you feel each others' joys and sorrows. Whether there really were romantic overtones developing in this friendship I cannot say; I am clean across the country, and I am only seeing it through the filter of your perspective. But you have hurt him badly. However necessary the ending of this friendship may or may not have been, by forcing it on him the way you did, you have driven a wedge between you and your husband. Honey, it's now your responsibility to see what you can do to mend those fences.
     
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  2. sourland

    sourland Broody Magician Premium Member

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    Lord, I wish that I had a way with words and feelings. I too feel that conversation with an impartial third party may be needed here. I understand Rachel's hurt, but I also understand that her husband (given the assumption of innocence, and I choose to make the assumption that is a very viable possibility) may feel resentment. I can only do as I have throughout this process of healing, Rachel. [​IMG] Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
     
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  3. N F C

    N F C doo be doo be doo Premium Member Project Manager

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    @Bunnylady , I don't mind that you disagree with me, perhaps I didn't make my meaning clear when I used the term "territorial" vs. "jealousy".

    Actually, none of our opinions matter all that much...Rachel was hurt and we are all trying to be supportive. Maybe our words are different, or our ideas on how to deal with the situation are different, bottom line is we're all just trying to help.

    Ultimately, it's up to Rachel how to deal with her private life...she's the expert on it.
     
  4. hbhoffman

    hbhoffman Chillin' With My Peeps

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    I think I may need to clarify the sentence "He went the wrong way". In no way am I saying or assigning guilt or anything else. I mean the wrong way as in how this has made Rachel feel. Ultimately we are here to support each other. The final decisions lie with Rachel, and her husband. And I truly wish both of them success! Like we have said before communication is key for all of us.
     
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  5. hbhoffman

    hbhoffman Chillin' With My Peeps

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    [​IMG]

    She is actually riding!!!
     
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  6. N F C

    N F C doo be doo be doo Premium Member Project Manager

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    Awesome!
     
  7. cressrb

    cressrb Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Huh?
     
  8. cressrb

    cressrb Chillin' With My Peeps

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    ..meant that for Bunnylady
     
  9. seminolewind

    seminolewind Flock Mistress Premium Member

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    Hi Rachel. Glad you got your dog back.
    Sometimes one needs to take a hard look at what their priorities are in life, especially if they have forgotten. Sometimes one needs to yell and scream and break something , even if one is home alone. Sometimes the best thing to do is say what you need to say, then listen for the reply and hopefully the reply is the right one.

    I think everyone here loves Rachel. I don't always post but I always stop and read this thread. You all are terrific and such support!
    It's nice to know that there are still good people around.

    Anyone else have panting chickens?
     
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  10. hbhoffman

    hbhoffman Chillin' With My Peeps

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    No panting chickens here but ones that can't decide whether to lay eggs... or not. Whether to be broody.... or not. [​IMG]
    Rachel, Did you find any holes in the fence? Offer any rewards to anyone if they did? Like a treasure hunt! Glad to hear things are slowly getting better.
    Blooie, Have a GREAT trip! Please send us pictures and a snack or two...[​IMG]
    Can I share a short story? Won't go into too many details but one time when my Julia was hospitalized, I had to travel to Florida with tubes,ice,bags, breast pump, milk, etc.. Well, as the bag went through the scanner belt, I heard them back it up, move it forward, back it up, mumble, back it up again. Finally, I yelled loudly for all to hear "It is a breast milk pump with breast milk in the bottles! If you would like to inspect it and have it demonstrated, please, let me know and I can help you!". After some snickers from those in line and a teasing comment from a coworker there were no further issues. [​IMG] Still laughing on that one!
    So go for it! Ask if they would like to model it! (Just kidding)

    Anyone else have any funny travel stories they care to share?
     
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