My leukemia's back.

Discussion in 'Family Life - Stories, Pictures & Updates' started by donrae, Nov 9, 2014.

  1. donrae

    donrae Hopelessly Addicted Premium Member

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    Bunnylady, thank you for your honesty. He's again declined to talk with anyone else about this. Yet. I'm afraid I'm going to come across as beating a dead horse if I keep pushing, so I'm letting it be for now. I would love to have impartial input, but it's not going to happen right now. I may have to push a little down the road, because I'm really not feeling like I'm getting resolution here. Then again, part of me thinks I'm just wanting someone else to point out to him what he's doing and I don't want to kick him while he's down so to speak. But if I were wrong, I would be so wounded to know I've hurt him and need to make it right with him.

    It wasn't just the time he spent with her. I've strongly encouraged him to go/do things with other friends in the past. He's kind of tended to want me to fulfill all his social needs and that's just not practical for any married couple. It was his attitude toward her. His face lit up when he saw her name on his caller ID. His voice had a special, intimate tone when he talked with her on the phone. He would always take her call, during dinner or other times we usually let calls go to voice mail. One of his male friends has been asking for the last 2-3 years for Don to bring our tractor over and mow his Mom's pasture, but our trailer is high and we had no ramps. Not until he realized she was mowing her pasture by push mower, then he spent time and money and two days later we had ramps for the trailer. The night before he had plans to spend time with her, he would be so excited he couldn't sleep. Our place is looking pretty run-down and there's lots of projects that need to be done, but her place has never looked better. He has always, always kept in touch with me during the day or let me know about when he'd be home. When he'd go to her place (a cell phone dead zone) he'd be gone 6, 8 hours. He was very excited about a house for sale down the street from her, an area we've never even talked about living. All those things, plus so many more little things, just added up for me. Maybe I am crazy, but I know this man quite well and I know how he acts when he makes a new friend, and I know how he acts when he's in love. I just hate feeling confused.

    Maybe I'll go on medical marijuana and none of this will seem so important [​IMG]
     
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  2. seminolewind

    seminolewind Flock Mistress Premium Member

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    That is a very large amount of red flags to me. Go smoke the medical weed, LOL. I think you have alot of self doubt about what you are thinking. I have learned one very important thing that took 50 years to learn. NEVER doubt yourself. Ever. You will be the only one in your whole life who You will never been untrue with. With declining some counseling, he needs a fire lit under his arse. , LOL. I'm sure you will do what's right for you. You are not crazy. Really.
     
  3. N F C

    N F C More coffee please! Premium Member Project Manager

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    Dear Rachel,

    Please don't smoke, it's bad for your lungs. Have a nice, relaxing cup of tea instead.
    [​IMG]
     
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  4. Outpost JWB

    Outpost JWB Chillin' With My Peeps

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    Good morning to all. I am going to hold my thoughts this morning (for the most part.) All I will say is that I don't think most people have been through what you are going through. I'm not here to judge you and I will support you in any way I can. I am praying for you Rachel.

    Better news: We got 5 baby chicks from our broody Jersey Giant!
    @hbhoffman , Come on down! We have 2 broodies now. I feel bad for them because it's getting too late in the summer for new chicks. They will never make it through the winter here. So we are not letting anymore hatch out.

    @Blooie , Congrats & have a great trip!!!

    Have a great day everyone.[​IMG]
     
  5. seminolewind

    seminolewind Flock Mistress Premium Member

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    Output JWB, yes, back to uplifting. I always think the best way to discuss something is to listen to what the person that needs to vent is saying. I think it's a good thing that someone talks about their concerns. I have been there, unfortunately. Then Hubby and I had a choice. Do we use this situation to split up, or do we want to work on staying together .

    It's hot again and I may wash the car today.
    JWB, you have a broody JG??? Pretty good!
     
  6. 3goodeggs

    3goodeggs pays attention sporadically

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    [​IMG] 's for you dear.
    And again, If you have noticed this, so have your boys. Keep them close, let them know they are loved and important.
    You do not need to bring anything up, but let them know that if they need to talk to you about anything, then you are there.
    It is difficult for guys/boys to express feelings, but it does not mean they do not have them.
     
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  7. mythreesons

    mythreesons Out Of The Brooder

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    Hello Rachel I'm Brenda...I'm not a brand new member and don't post much but I've been following your story.. I just feel the need to speak up and say that I've been in the situation with the other woman being just a "friend" people can say anything they want but when you have had it happen to you you know differently. I see nothing but red flags with your post and please go with your instinct on this..Please get your ducks in order BEFORE you make any hard decisions in your marriage...even if you think your dh is a easy going man men (women too) have been known to turn evil and wipe out joint accounts, max out credit cards and so on...In my situation with a cheating husband I saw the signs but he kept saying that it was all in my head and I loved him so much that I just believed everything he said even though I knew he was having a affair..I did leave him for other reasons and we got back together about 3yrs later (he was in USMC at the time and had 3-yrs left to serve..so we lived separate lives))...I didn't learn the truth about the affair until years later when I had already had a toddler and a newborn son and I was putting some stuff on top of a shelf in my son's closet when I kept hitting something so I got a ladder so I could get whatever was in the way out of my way and I found a paper bag that was filled with pictures and cards from the woman that I was accusing my dh of cheating with plus many other girls...but we were not together at that time so I couldn't say anything about the other girls...I was right and their affair went on for a long time after I left him,,btw she was married to a Marine that was my dh's best friend..OMG..such bad feelings come flowing back writing this to you...My marriage did survive this and its been 20yrs since this happened..I can't say I trust him 100% and he knows that I'm pretty sharp and alert if I see or hear him acting different when other woman are around..I do NOT have friends that I trust so my family are my friends...btw in my situation I've never had a good friend that wasn't trying to get my dh so this is my situation and not everybodys situation... ((((HUGS)))) I wish you the best Rachel!
     
  8. mythreesons

    mythreesons Out Of The Brooder

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    Wanted to add that the other woman befriended me when I had just moved to my dh's base in North Carolina and had no friends, no family and way out of my element never having moved away from my home town.. I trusted her and confided in her about everything then she in return used it all against to clear a path to get my dh....granted it definitely takes two to tango and I'm not saying its all her fault,,,but it left such a bitter taste in my mouth that I will never have a close friend again...
     
  9. Bunnylady

    Bunnylady POOF Goes the Pooka

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    Mythreesons, I am sorry to hear about what you have been through. Losing your trust in someone is the very devil.

    I think it was Sigmund Freud who said, "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar," but I have to admit, Rachel, that looks like a whole box full of Havanas to me.[​IMG]

    I know that there are times when the person you are talking to Just. Won't. Hear. You, and brutality seems to be the only thing that will get their attention. But nobody likes being bullied, so you have to expect hurt, anger and resentment in return. [​IMG] But yeah, it seems like a good idea to just back off for a while.

    [​IMG]to all.
     
  10. donrae

    donrae Hopelessly Addicted Premium Member

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    So, I did something yesterday I haven't done since last October......(drum roll please).........I bought shampoo [​IMG]

    yep, my peach fuzzy hair is less than half an inch long, but by golly I bought shampoo. Then, I didn't realize how little shampoo you need with that little hair--I had enough to shampoo myself and two of the dogs [​IMG]. That single little bottle may well last me a year, but my head smells like green apples and not Dial antibacterial, so I'm thinking it's a win. Yeah for something normal!
     
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