My leukemia's back.

[tastyacres]

I am in tears... Haven't been on all day and was not expecting this when I logged in...

Praying!

May God bring peace and comfort!

Shey

 

[hbhoffman]

Yes, we would love to have you! The more the better! Got any milk and cookies? We can make room on the blanket. I think we are all going to need each other.
The news is not what I was hoping for honestly. I didn't want Rachel to get her wings so soon.
Blessings on Don, Rachel and family as they begin a new path. May they see Light and hope.

 

[N F C]

I'm at a loss for words. Hope Rachel has an idea of how much she has meant to all of us. Prayers for her family now and always.

 

[LittleLakePhil]

Several people reached out to me..... wanting to help.
I think there is adequate information on the post I put up.
I also have Rachel's address if anyone wants it.
Having a difficult time of it.
But life will have to go on....i hope she is at least comfortable for now.
I feel I have let her down somehow.
I spent many nights talking with her about treatments and such. Comparing notes I suppose.
I always assured her she would be alright.
Infections were the big worry whenever you go through a major immune system downgrade.
I always worried about the way her care was handled. As i thought my Drs were far more picky about everything. But when I went through my deal things were still experimental and I knew that.
My Dr even went as far as to say my current health problems are because I Lived too long and that with my primitive transplant..... life expectancy was about 10 years.
But he said thankfully several of us were proving them wrong. I have to think that they're extreme pickyness and methods are why we are doing so well.
Rachel may never read this..... but there is love in my heart for the women i never got meet in person.
Today my heart hurts.
The best I can hope for is if God takes her.... she is swept away while she dreams of that homestead she wanted so bad.
Thanks everyone for being a part of who I am.

 

[Blooie]

Well, it might sound heartless but after a night of bursting into tears over and over again at the unfairness of it all, (and also being mighty hungry at this point) I finally wised up. I'm NOT going to spend the rest of Rachel's life lamenting and crying. To me it's the total opposite of all she tried to accomplish here. Anyone who celebrates little things and lived as completely as possible under extremely challenging circumstances, and fights as hard to live as she's done since day one, deserves having me celebrate her instead of mourning her. She's not gone yet, and we have a powerful God and a lot of faith.

That's not to say that I don't feel the pain and the thought of such a huge loss coming. God knows, I do. But I'm not going to focus on that anymore - at least that's the plan. How well I be able to carry it out IF and when the day comes may be another story.

So Rachel, this one's for you...this is the Margarita I enjoyed the day of Ashley's last chemo treatment. Now it's for you, too. You are both beating leukemia's ugly butt - Ashley in her way, and you in yours. I love you and will hold you in my heart forever.

 

[WVduckchick]

Several people reached out to me..... wanting to help.
I think there is adequate information on the post I put up.
I also have Rachel's address if anyone wants it.
Having a difficult time of it.
But life will have to go on....i hope she is at least comfortable for now.
I feel I have let her down somehow.
I spent many nights talking with her about treatments and such. Comparing notes I suppose.
I always assured her she would be alright.
Infections were the big worry whenever you go through a major immune system downgrade.
I always worried about the way her care was handled. As i thought my Drs were far more picky about everything. But when I went through my deal things were still experimental and I knew that.
My Dr even went as far as to say my current health problems are because I Lived too long and that with my primitive transplant..... life expectancy was about 10 years.
But he said thankfully several of us were proving them wrong. I have to think that they're extreme pickyness and methods are why we are doing so well.
Rachel may never read this..... but there is love in my heart for the women i never got meet in person.
Today my heart hurts.
The best I can hope for is if God takes her.... she is swept away while she dreams of that homestead she wanted so bad.
Thanks everyone for being a part of who I am.

this is exactly why you were left on this earth... to be the caring, loving man that you are, and to help others on their journey, as you have done with Rachel. Don't short yourself.
Prayers for the whole family, Rachel's and this whole virtual family too.

 

[lazy gardener]

dys·pha·sia
ˌdisˈfāZH(ē)ə,disˈfāzēə/
noun
MEDICINE

1. language disorder marked by deficiency in the generation of speech, and sometimes also in its comprehension, due to brain disease or damage.

dys·pha·gia
ˌdisˈfāj(ē)ə/
noun
MEDICINE

1. difficulty or discomfort in swallowing, as a symptom of disease.
   "progressive dysphagia"

Blooie, I'm guessing you have the latter, not the former! I could see that being a possible side effect of Prednisone.

So, what are they planning on doing for you??

 

[lazy gardener]

Well it was my turn to hang out in a waiting room and in the ICU over the last few days. My father has horrible vascular problems and clotted off his left leg, having two emergency surgeries. The last one removing the leg mid thigh.

He's doing better today, off the ventilator and seems to be accepting what happened. So prayers for his healing and rehab would be appreciated if anyone has a spare.

Hope everyone else is healing as well. (Extra hugs for Rachel and family!) Blooie, hope that throat opens up soon!

Several people reached out to me..... wanting to help.
I think there is adequate information on the post I put up.
I also have Rachel's address if anyone wants it.
Having a difficult time of it.
But life will have to go on....i hope she is at least comfortable for now.
I feel I have let her down somehow.
I spent many nights talking with her about treatments and such. Comparing notes I suppose.
I always assured her she would be alright.
Infections were the big worry whenever you go through a major immune system downgrade.
I always worried about the way her care was handled. As i thought my Drs were far more picky about everything. But when I went through my deal things were still experimental and I knew that.
My Dr even went as far as to say my current health problems are because I Lived too long and that with my primitive transplant..... life expectancy was about 10 years.
But he said thankfully several of us were proving them wrong. I have to think that they're extreme pickyness and methods are why we are doing so well.
Rachel may never read this..... but there is love in my heart for the women i never got meet in person.

Well, it might sound heartless but after a night of bursting into tears over and over again at the unfairness of it all, (and also being mighty hungry at this point) I finally wised up. I'm NOT going to spend the rest of Rachel's life lamenting and crying. To me it's the total opposite of all she tried to accomplish here. Anyone who celebrates little things and lived as completely as possible under extremely challenging circumstances, and fights as hard to live as she's done since day one, deserves having me celebrate her instead of mourning her. She's not gone yet, and we have a powerful God and a lot of faith.

That's not to say that I don't feel the pain and the thought of such a huge loss coming. God knows, I do. But I'm not going to focus on that anymore - at least that's the plan. How well I be able to carry it out IF and when the day comes may be another story.

So Rachel, this one's for you...this is the Margarita I enjoyed the day of Ashley's last chemo treatment. Now it's for you, too. You are both beating leukemia's ugly butt - Ashley in her way, and you in yours. I love you and will hold you in my heart forever.

View attachment 1019552

Friday, so sorry for your Dad's recent illness, and surgery/amputation. glad he's doing better. Will pray for you and him and the rest of your family. For a good healing, and return to independent mobility.

Phil, what can I say? You have become a friend to me, as well as many others on this thread. You gave reassurance to Rachel when she needed it. You have always been a sounding board for her, an encouragement. I believe you have a gift in that area. You saw things in her care that could have been done better, and you did not remain silent. You gently coaxed, pushed. That is the most any one can do in such a situation. And you were very right, when you assured Rachel that she would be alright. She will triumph. She walks with her hand held by Jesus. I know this for a fact. She and I have had conversations that leave no doubt in my mind. I also never met Rachel face to face, but I love her like a sister. And, she is a sister: in Christ. By choosing hospice, Rachel has made a decision that will enable her to maximize her relational time between now and Jesus. If I am faced with a health care crisis, I want you on my team!

Blooie, Ah, I hope that Marguerita slides down very smoothly, and you don't choke on it. You have a winner's spirit. You are so very right. We need to celebrate Rachel, her loving spirit: wife, mother, friend, care giver to a whole zoo. She has taught me much about relationships, the importance of nurturing them, and the importance of making the best of every day.

Rachel, We all love you. You have taught us much, and continue to teach us. I am especially blessed in that I have several birds from your flock who are now cherished members of my flock. One little partridge gal with a straight comb, and a little blue Ameraucana with lovely muffs and beard. Both are cherished flock members, from the eggs you sent me last spring.

Don, special blessings and prayers to you. You hold the most difficult job of all: holding it together for the rest of the family. Being a support for your 3 boys, and trying to wring the most out of all of your remaining moments with Rachel. May God's hand rest upon you in a way that you will marvel at His care, in spite of the pain you are going through right now.

Big Boy, Sugar Monkey, and Echo: May God touch you and offer you comfort as you travel through this difficult time. Such a painful world we live in that a child could be faced with the painful loss of his mother. There are no words I can offer that don't sound trite or superficial. So, I will, instead offer you some virtual hugs.

 

[drumstick diva]

When my best friend died almost 13 years ago, I cried myself dry. He used to say "I feel like a big, bloody steak, and a fine cigar." I don't smoke but, I went to Lonestar steakhouse and had a "bloody steak," in his honor. Sure he would smile over that.

I was surprised how much better I felt celebrating his life rather than , crying over his departure.

 

[drumstick diva]

Rachel, Don and kids, my love and prayers are with you