My leukemia's back.

[LittleLakePhil]

I get the idea of a 90 day review.  What I don't get is why these 'deficiencies' haven't been pointed out to you previously so that you might have addressed them. 

OFFICE POLITICS?

 

[FridayYet]

Rachel,

I agree with Sour. Can't believe a review came out if the blue like that. A good manager would have given you things to work on all along the way, and you should have known long before 90 days if you weren't meeting expectations. Hang in there.

Phil, I'm not gonna say it since you already shot me down for telling you to go to the doctor, but I hope you breathe better soon.

 

[Blooie]

Phil, I'm sensing a prednisone burst and a Z-pack in your future. You all didn't know I was psychic, didja?

Dr. appt today and everything's going well, except my kidney function is trending upward. Kidneys have been total champs through all this until now. I'm doing fluid challenges this weekend and we'll recheck. But CBC, etc looks great. Making my own blood, and white cells. Yippee!

I did have a hit out of the blue though. Wednesday I planned to leave from work and drive the 4 hours to my Moms, spend the night and come home the next eve. 15 minutes before I left, my supervisor called me to her office. I'd been there 90 days now, and time for a review. Okay, I'm happy. I've put in for a full time position and I'm thinking I'm also going to interview for that.

Nope.

My status was changed from part time to as needed. No input from me. Simply told that, with the new position they're interviewing for (but not interviewing me, apparently), looking down the road they may not need a triage nurse this many hours. So, they're changing my status now. Oh, and I'm slow and need to step things up and be more efficient.

Well, I stew over that while I'm at Moms. Back to work this morning and talk to her again. Now the story changes. The status change wasn't for things happening down the road, it's because she's not happy with my performance. What? I had to ask twice to get things in writing, too. If you're a supervisor and want an employee to improve something, wouldn't you write it down for them to refer to? Anyway, the written is really pretty scathing. I'm apparently just a sucky employee who doesn't communicate, has poor time management skills, no attention to detail, is disorganized, and slow to boot. I feel tired just reading how bad I am. I think I'd really have to put a lot of effort into being that poor an employee.

I'd just been telling my FNP how happy I was back at work. How good it was for me to be back, etc. Now, I'm just not sure. And all tied up in this is us wanting to buy a new house. I'm so upset because I set us back when I took this job, and now with my disability for the boys aging out in 3 years financing could be tricky. So, I'd sure appreciate a prayer for peace and guidance.

On a good note, a friend literally happened upon a very striking blue copper Marans rooster to go with my ladies. Brought him home tonight, we'll see how things go tomorrow.

And on a "Thank you Lord that's not me" note, a close friend just found out she's pregnant. Five months pregnant. She's 40 years old, her youngest is 11 and not only did her husband have a vasectomy, she had an IUD. Baby girl looks good on ultrasound and the IUD isn't an issue, so that's good. But that must be one little girl God really, really wants born, right?

It's a little tough to read that you and Phil are having such bad times right now. I agree with Sour...when I was manager at the Gap many (many many) years ago, I made it a point to call employees who might need a little push in about 3 weeks before their first evaluation was due. I'd let them know where they were showing strengths and where improvements in either performance or attitude could be made. Then I'd let them know that their evaluations were coming up in 3 weeks and I'd make my final reviews at that time. I'd tell them that if the problems I had seen cleared up by the evaluation, those issues would be briefly mentioned in the eval but that I was more interested in seeing positive changes and my final evaluation would be based more on that than on the deficiencies I'd earlier noted. That gave them plenty of time before their evaluation to let me know if there were problems at work that were causing their poor performance, and to get those problems worked out so they could move forward. Seemed to me that they couldn't fix what they didn't see. And maybe there was a specific incident I'd witnessed or had reported to me by others that was giving me negative impressions, and they had the opportunity to explain (NOT excuse) what happened.

Prime example.....one of the other employees told me that he'd seen a new hire (we'll call her Jane) being extremely rude to a customer, arguing over the price of a pair of 501 jeans, and that the new hire finally told the customer that her business wasn't welcomed or needed in our store. As it happened, this employee's turn to "sit in the chair" pre-evaluation was the next morning, so it was still pretty fresh in my mind. But when asked why she would ever treat any customer that way, her response reminded me why it's important to ask and listen, not just mark down a bad grade for customer service. Seems the customer in question was Jane's cousin, and that she'd been harassing the hire mercilessly about using the employee discount on the jeans in question. Jane tearfully explained that this harassment began over the phone before she even came to work, and then the cousin figured that if she came in in person she'd be more likely to get what she wanted because Jane would probably want to avoid a confrontation in the store and give in. Jane still refused, and then asked one of the other employees to take care of her customer. But dear cousin wasn't having any of that, and continued to pester Jane until she finally lost her temper and told her to get out of the store and not come back if she was working. She never raised her voice, but her tone was what caught the ear of the reporting employee. We discussed what she could have done, which wasn't much, frankly, except notify the on-duty manager and let him take care of it, but she was afraid if she went whining about her cousin to a manager she'd get into trouble. Still, the end result was that what could have been a red mark for poor customer service turned into a 5 on the eval for integrity and honesty. So I'm a firm believer in addressing any issues before the eval to give the employee a chance to explain his/her actions and correct what needs fixing. Good employees are too hard to find to dismiss lightly, and Jane became one of the best. In fact, when I left the Gap two years later, guess who became my replacement? And just think - I could have put a bad taste in her mouth with a one-sided eval and the company could have lost her.

That pre-eval is what your supervisor could have/should have done! If you don't know something's broken, you can't fix it. And you would have had the opportunity to explain that although you know your job and can do it well, sometimes you just have to move a little slower. It would also give you the opportunity to point out that with your health experiences, you can often better relate to what others are going through and it seems to me that compassion and understanding trump speed any day!

Phil, you've had a lot of stress lately - could that be exacerbating the breathing problems? Stress can sure cause physical reactions, and it seems to me that the weakest part will suffer first. But I'm no expert....take care of yourself, buddy!! If you get to the point where you end up really bad sick (poor grammar, strong sentiment) we'd miss you like crazy around here.

 

[hbhoffman]

HI ALL! Just popping in. Crazy life that we live. Florida was fine-amazingly and unexpectedly. I stayed away from my brothers except for brief general conversations. I daily told my mom what,when and where for the next day and did it. That gave her a break from us. We didn't eat much either as lunch was out and breakfast was bought in the beginning of the week. My special girl got to go to the beach a couple of times, the zoo and play in the pool. Overall a good trip! Last weekend was spent in PA, this in N,Y. helping at Global gates conference in the pre-K/K classroom, next is in Dominican Republic! YEA!! Pray for good sleep and for the final $1,000 to come in. My DD's mission trips are fully funded adn now we are working on mine. We have 7 days to see how God can provide!

Rachel and Phil, I will be thinking of you and praying for answers.
And the rest of you better not write to much or there will be alot to catch up on!

 

[lazy gardener]

Phil, I'm sensing a prednisone burst and a Z-pack in your future. You all didn't know I was psychic, didja?

Dr. appt today and everything's going well, except my kidney function is trending upward. Kidneys have been total champs through all this until now. I'm doing fluid challenges this weekend and we'll recheck. But CBC, etc looks great. Making my own blood, and white cells. Yippee!

I did have a hit out of the blue though. Wednesday I planned to leave from work and drive the 4 hours to my Moms, spend the night and come home the next eve. 15 minutes before I left, my supervisor called me to her office. I'd been there 90 days now, and time for a review. Okay, I'm happy. I've put in for a full time position and I'm thinking I'm also going to interview for that.

Nope.

My status was changed from part time to as needed. No input from me. Simply told that, with the new position they're interviewing for (but not interviewing me, apparently), looking down the road they may not need a triage nurse this many hours. So, they're changing my status now. Oh, and I'm slow and need to step things up and be more efficient.

Well, I stew over that while I'm at Moms. Back to work this morning and talk to her again. Now the story changes. The status change wasn't for things happening down the road, it's because she's not happy with my performance. What? I had to ask twice to get things in writing, too. If you're a supervisor and want an employee to improve something, wouldn't you write it down for them to refer to? Anyway, the written is really pretty scathing. I'm apparently just a sucky employee who doesn't communicate, has poor time management skills, no attention to detail, is disorganized, and slow to boot. I feel tired just reading how bad I am. I think I'd really have to put a lot of effort into being that poor an employee.

I'd just been telling my FNP how happy I was back at work. How good it was for me to be back, etc. Now, I'm just not sure. And all tied up in this is us wanting to buy a new house. I'm so upset because I set us back when I took this job, and now with my disability for the boys aging out in 3 years financing could be tricky. So, I'd sure appreciate a prayer for peace and guidance.

On a good note, a friend literally happened upon a very striking blue copper Marans rooster to go with my ladies. Brought him home tonight, we'll see how things go tomorrow.

And on a "Thank you Lord that's not me" note, a close friend just found out she's pregnant. Five months pregnant. She's 40 years old, her youngest is 11 and not only did her husband have a vasectomy, she had an IUD. Baby girl looks good on ultrasound and the IUD isn't an issue, so that's good. But that must be one little girl God really, really wants born, right?

Rachel. I'm so sorry you had this work experience. I can relate. One job I worked at... one eval, I got very high marks, lots of praise for being a good employee, good with the patients, innovative thinker... best thing since sliced bread. Next eval, I had not changed a thing in my style of dealing with my job, but I couldn't believe what an incompetent oaf I'd become. Bottom line is... YOU know what kind of person you are. You know you are an asset. But, the employer/supervisor holds ALL the cards, and can, on a whim make or break you as an employee. I've seen it happen in plenty of jobs. And honestly, I think that animosity towards Christianity can often play a role. I will go on to say this: I agree with Phil. It was too soon. Too much work for you. Just hearing all that you were doing was tiring me out! Give yourself time to heal, girl!

40 y.o. pregnant friend: I believe my mom was 39 when she became pregnant for the last time. I was 9 years old. We had just moved to the Bangor area from the southern end of the state. Huge move, including moving 2 horses, and all of the equipment that goes along with them. She just thought the move had tired her out!

Racheal....a burst for sure.....breathing is getting scary now....i was in town yesterday and thought it was okay....well it's not and it's now a long holiday weekend and i have no access to a Doctor.....so i will ride it out with a bumped up prednisone munchy fest.
I have always expressed my opinion that i didn't think you should go back to work....God gave you this time.....you are not even close to back to your old self. There is no way i could have gone back to work after less than a year post transplant. You gonna be okay?
I understand why you want to work i miss out so much sometimes it depresses the heck out of me.....there are s few people on other threads who think i have it made....but they aren't sitting here right now gasping for air....and dropping 150 mg of morphine everyday just to function. And while I can go fishing and work in my garden or whatever i want it's not the same as being part of something.
Racheal....your health and wellbeing are the most important things you need to be working on. Because without those what do you have?

Phil... those who think that being on disability is a cake walk... don't understand the living with the disability. I'm praying that God will touch you this weekend, ease your breathing, and help you to get over this bump in the road so you can get back to your usual self. Also praying that you will know without any doubt if you should sit it out and wait till Tues AM, or if you should hustle yourself to the ER. Sometimes, you just gotta do what you gotta do. Praying God's healing touch on you.

I get the idea of a 90 day review. What I don't get is why these 'deficiencies' haven't been pointed out to you previously so that you might have addressed them.

Obviously a supervisor who is not really a supervisor. Office politics, and a possible grudge.

It's a little tough to read that you and Phil are having such bad times right now. I agree with Sour...when I was manager at the Gap many (many many) years ago, I made it a point to call employees who might need a little push in about 3 weeks before their first evaluation was due. I'd let them know where they were showing strengths and where improvements in either performance or attitude could be made. Then I'd let them know that their evaluations were coming up in 3 weeks and I'd make my final reviews at that time. I'd tell them that if the problems I had seen cleared up by the evaluation, those issues would be briefly mentioned in the eval but that I was more interested in seeing positive changes and my final evaluation would be based more on that than on the deficiencies I'd earlier noted. That gave them plenty of time before their evaluation to let me know if there were problems at work that were causing their poor performance, and to get those problems worked out so they could move forward. Seemed to me that they couldn't fix what they didn't see. And maybe there was a specific incident I'd witnessed or had reported to me by others that was giving me negative impressions, and they had the opportunity to explain (NOT excuse) what happened.

Prime example.....one of the other employees told me that he'd seen a new hire (we'll call her Jane) being extremely rude to a customer, arguing over the price of a pair of 501 jeans, and that the new hire finally told the customer that her business wasn't welcomed or needed in our store. As it happened, this employee's turn to "sit in the chair" pre-evaluation was the next morning, so it was still pretty fresh in my mind. But when asked why she would ever treat any customer that way, her response reminded me why it's important to ask and listen, not just mark down a bad grade for customer service. Seems the customer in question was Jane's cousin, and that she'd been harassing the hire mercilessly about using the employee discount on the jeans in question. Jane tearfully explained that this harassment began over the phone before she even came to work, and then the cousin figured that if she came in in person she'd be more likely to get what she wanted because Jane would probably want to avoid a confrontation in the store and give in. Jane still refused, and then asked one of the other employees to take care of her customer. But dear cousin wasn't having any of that, and continued to pester Jane until she finally lost her temper and told her to get out of the store and not come back if she was working. She never raised her voice, but her tone was what caught the ear of the reporting employee. We discussed what she could have done, which wasn't much, frankly, except notify the on-duty manager and let him take care of it, but she was afraid if she went whining about her cousin to a manager she'd get into trouble. Still, the end result was that what could have been a red mark for poor customer service turned into a 5 on the eval for integrity and honesty. So I'm a firm believer in addressing any issues before the eval to give the employee a chance to explain his/her actions and correct what needs fixing. Good employees are too hard to find to dismiss lightly, and Jane became one of the best. In fact, when I left the Gap two years later, guess who became my replacement? And just think - I could have put a bad taste in her mouth with a one-sided eval and the company could have lost her.

That pre-eval is what your supervisor could have/should have done! If you don't know something's broken, you can't fix it. And you would have had the opportunity to explain that although you know your job and can do it well, sometimes you just have to move a little slower. It would also give you the opportunity to point out that with your health experiences, you can often better relate to what others are going through and it seems to me that compassion and understanding trump speed any day!

Phil, you've had a lot of stress lately - could that be exacerbating the breathing problems? Stress can sure cause physical reactions, and it seems to me that the weakest part will suffer first. But I'm no expert....take care of yourself, buddy!! If you get to the point where you end up really bad sick (poor grammar, strong sentiment) we'd miss you like crazy around here.

Most offices, and certainly the one Rachel works for (I'm guessing) have a written policy and procedure in place to deal with human resource issues. Sounds to me that there has been a huge breach of policy. But... if employment in Rachel's state is anything like it is here in Maine, employers can fire/or dismiss for any and no reason. Employees have no rights.

 

[FridayYet]

HI ALL! Just popping in. Crazy life that we live. Florida was fine-amazingly and unexpectedly. I stayed away from my brothers except for brief general conversations. I daily told my mom  what,when and where for the next day and did it. That gave her a break from us. We didn't eat much either as lunch was out and breakfast was bought in the beginning of the week.  My special girl got to go to the beach a couple of times, the zoo and play in the pool. Overall a good trip! Last weekend was spent in PA, this in N,Y. helping at Global gates conference in the pre-K/K classroom, next is in Dominican Republic! YEA!! Pray for good sleep and for the final $1,000 to come in. My DD's mission trips are fully funded adn now we are working on mine.  We have 7 days to see how God can provide!

 Rachel and Phil, I will be thinking of you and praying for answers. 
And the rest of you better not write to much or there will be alot to catch up on!  

       

 

Glad the trip went well, and hope the rest of the money comes through for you!

 

[LittleLakePhil]

Rachel,

I agree with Sour. Can't believe a review came out if the blue like that. A good manager would have given you things to work on all along the way, and you should have known long before 90 days if you weren't meeting expectations. Hang in there.

Phil, I'm not gonna say it since you already shot me down for telling you to go to the doctor, but I hope you breathe better soon.

Friday....i don't mean to shoot you down.....but going to the Drs is complicated for me. I don't have insurance except the VA. I've gone onto the Drs office on the middle of a severe asthma attack and Been told it would be 3 weeks before i could be seen so even if i go up there doesn't mean I'll get seen. And the ER is through Duke Lifepoint and as a for profit hospital a ER visit is about a grand...and all they will do is a nebulizer treatment.....i can do that at home for free. Any way i have to go into the drs office Tuesday i will make an appointment then.

 

[LittleLakePhil]

I am really glad i have friends like all of you to share my thoughts with. Thank you everyone for your prayers and kindness.

 

[lazy gardener]

I am really glad i have friends like all of you to share my thoughts with. Thank you everyone for your prayers and kindness.

 

[donrae]

Thanks all for the support and feedback.

It's been an ongoing learning experience, and they have been giving me some feedback on things I need to correct. I appreciate that, one of my greatest professional fears is being That Person that everyone else needs to go behind and fix their work. The thought horrifies me. But, how the review was written, making one time things sound like regular occurrences, and things that I actually think I'm pretty darn good at saying I'm a poor performer. I just don't know how much it's worth fighting. I hate drama and conflict and don't want to work somewhere I have to deal with those. The last three months, I've woken up excited to go to work. Now, sitting here typing about it, I can feel my BP going up. So not what I need.

And it's all wrapped up in the new house thing. I put the move on hold cause I wanted to go back to work. Now, to get financing, I pretty much have to work or we have to sell this place first. I have the fallback of disability, but the boys' payments end when they turn 18/graduate. And for financing, they want it to be guaranteed for at least 3 years. Sugar Monkey turns 15 next month, so the financing folks won't count the income from them.

I"m not sure how to tell if I really can't cut it or not.

And if I quit, I know Honey's going to quit also. He's going to need to get another job asap, but he's also been supposed to be persuing his RN and hasn't done a thing. It's been almost a year and nothing. It's hard as I've been the primary wage earner until I got sick, and even then he's only had a decent income the last year. I need to find a way to tell him I'm depending on him now and he needs to provide some security. Anyone here watch Dave Ramsey? the wife has a security gland that's connected to her face......if you want a pretty wife, provide security. Maybe we need to revisit Financial Peace.

And then.....the dogs attacked a goat last night. I'm sure it was basically Roscoe, but Eve was there also. The goat's okay this am. It has a pretty good laceration to the side of the neck, and was shocky, but no other physical injuries. We took him to our friend's (it's actually her goat that we were boarding to eat blackberries) and she sutured him and has him crated on the porch for a few days. So, goat's okay but what about the dogs? In theory we have a zero tolerance policy, but my heart says, but it's Roscoe. And I can come up with circumstances and excuses and whatever. But honestly, I'd rather get rid of the goats than shoot the dog. And if the dog has to go, I don't want to get another. And I'm not sure I can live without a dog.

So, I just ordered a training collar. We can keep them apart for the next few days until it gets here. Then, I'll put in some training time and see how they respond. Eve should pick up pretty fast, but Roscoe has a higher prey drive and I'll just have to see how it goes.

I'm kind of heart sick.

Any suggestions from the dog contingent?


Phil, sorry you have issues with access to the providers. Our VA here is so difficult to get ahold of, my heart goes out for you. Do what you know you can at home, nebs and can you burst your prednisone on your own?

hb, glad the trip went well.

everyone else, stay cool and have a good 4th. Thank you Lord we live in a country where we're free to worship You.