My leukemia's back.

[ronott1]

I know I've been depressed lately it has lessened, But I know it had a lot to do with the abuse that has occurred and the loss of mom and our cat etc.etc.etc. I realized it because I started to hate, and I mean really hate some people, specifically and in general, esp. groups of people, not based on race or color, but many family members, some at the church. and I hated the hate I carried for them, I am not quite forgiven them, but I want them out of my life, and out of my way. like a growth I want to cut them out and toss the waste of it all in a fire, to get rid of it. I know I am far from perfect or morally superior compared to any but if I know how wretched I am then I realize I need to get rid of it all, I do not want to end up like the ones who cause me to feel worthless and evil not only myself being evil but wanting evil to happen to them. Thank God I did not wish to harm them myself, or that I would even consider to lower myself to that level I would consider that lower than low.

You are on the right track with this stuff. It will get better with the toxic people out of your life.

 

[Alaskan]

You are on the right track with this stuff. It will get better with the toxic people out of your life.

X2

 

[getaclue]

oldrooster, I'm going to suggest you talk to a professional about your depression. You've been through a lot, especially with the recent losses in your life. It's not uncommon for a person to suffer some degree of depression under the circumstances, but it should not become permanent, and hinder you from eventually being able to pick up the pieces, and move on.

The other thing I'm going to suggest is to quit being so concerned about what others think of you, or their opinions. In the big picture of things, their opinions aren't relevant. As to where you go from here, that depends on sitting down, and figuring your finances, and what's available to you, how much you need to live on, and sticking within your means. Don't over complicate it. If that means moving somewhere that the cost of living is more economical, then do it. Don't consider it as leaving things behind, but as starting a new chapter in your life.

 

[drumstick diva]

x2 what geta sez, this lady is very smart.

 

[sourland]

Good morning Team Rachel. @oldrooster .

Sadly that kind of stuff and worse happens in churches.

We need to go into these Human organizations with our eyes open. Some, not many, are in it for the evil they can do

And this is why neither the Princess or I have been part of the 'organized' church since we were kids.

 

[getaclue]

When the girls were teens, there was a church we went to. I didn't really care for it, but the girls liked it. Every Sunday, and on Wednesday nights the girls would usually invite some of their friends, so I went with anywhere from 4 -7 teens. When they found out we didn't do Halloween, that seemed to bother some of them, but ok. When they found out we didn't do Christmas, it created quite a stir.

When I was asked why we didn't do Christmas, I explained the origins of Christmas, showed them in the Bible where we're told not to have a Christmas tree, and why we stopped doing Christmas, but we did a New Testament Passover Sedar instead, more in line with what Christ instructed us to do in the Bible.

The pastor got upset with me too. He complained to me that too many of his congregants were asking him where Christmas was in the Bible. Of course, it's not there. He told them the early church fathers chose to celebrate Christmas as the day of the birth of Christ. That satisfied most of them, and things settled back down, but most were still upset at me. After all, it wasn't the girls' fault, since they were only going by what I taught them. The second year, again there was an uproar, and the following year, and so on.

One of my daughters had/has a great friend named Brenton. Brent was raised going to the local Baptist church, but went with us when my daughter invited him. One of those times he went, a few of the church ladies pulled him aside to warn him that anything I might try to teach him about the Bible, he was to disregard. They told him I didn't do Christmas, and they didn't think I was really saved, or a Christian. Brent asked the ladies to show him in the Bible where salvation depends on a person doing Christmas. He asked them where Christmas was in their Bibles. They told him what the pastor had said about the early church fathers picking Christmas to honor the birth of Christ. He then asked them why the early church fathers had picked that particular day, since it was a known pagan holiday. He then let them know that no matter what they thought, he knew me, and my family well. I was not a Sunday pew warmer. That me, and my family practiced our faith every day of the week, not just when the church doors were open. He let them know that I never told any of them they should stop doing Halloween, or Christmas. That was a choice made strictly for me, and my family based on how the Lord was leading me. It had nothing to do with them. God did not lead Abraham to be a Noah, or a Moses. He suggested maybe they examine their motives for coming against me so hard. Were they under a bit of conviction, now that they knew Christmas was not Biblical?

Brent did not tell me any of this for a long time, but one day he came over, and told me I should change churches. He told me what happened, but said that the gossip, and ill will against me had gotten worse. I prayed, but was to stay there for awhile longer. It became clear as to why, later on. When I was given release, we changed churches.

The point is, you can not let others walk your walk for you, and what they have to say is unimportant when you're doing as you should.

 

[sourland]

In my opinion no one can walk your walk for you, and this is why I consider myself spiritual rather than religious.

 

[wyoDreamer]

@oldrooster glad you are feeling stronger. I hope you continue to build your new life - as you want it to be. You've been through (are going through ) alot. Take care.

I consider myself a non-practicing Catholic. I live my life as I hope God wants me to, but I don't go to church. Our Catholic church got very "political" and actually broke down to the point that our Priest - who had become a close family friend - was replaced by the Diocese. One day, the new priest stood up on the pulpit during serman and declared that the people who opposed the removal of the old priest were a "cult" and needed to be saved. Yah, that was my family and relatives he was talking about. It was all happening the same time my mom was dying of cancer.

 

[ronott1]

oldrooster, I'm going to suggest you talk to a professional about your depression. You've been through a lot, especially with the recent losses in your life. It's not uncommon for a person to suffer some degree of depression under the circumstances, but it should not become permanent, and hinder you from eventually being able to pick up the pieces, and move on.

The other thing I'm going to suggest is to quit being so concerned about what others think of you, or their opinions. In the big picture of things, their opinions aren't relevant. As to where you go from here, that depends on sitting down, and figuring your finances, and what's available to you, how much you need to live on, and sticking within your means. Don't over complicate it. If that means moving somewhere that the cost of living is more economical, then do it. Don't consider it as leaving things behind, but as starting a new chapter in your life.

X2!

I am very happy that you suggested this

 

[getaclue]

The point is, you can not let others walk your walk for you, and what they have to say is unimportant when you're doing as you should.

What I meant to say is that you can not let others direct, or misdirect your walk for you, and what they have to say is unimportant when you're doing as you should.