~My life as a broiler hen~ Updated full story so far on page 3!
- Thread starter cochinGurl
- Start date
- Feb 1, 2011
- 1,575
- 3
- 141
This is really good! You're writing style is very unique!
Cochingurl, I really like your style of writing. This is one of the only books I'm suscribing too! When I'm going to read something I pick it up and read a paragraph. Do I like it? Usually the answer is no. I'm a picky reader and choose only books that are well written. I really liked your story and the potential it has! After finishing it you should go through and edit the chapters, with my book that really helped it be well-written.
By the way, you might want to consider publishing. Google has lot's of info.
Keep up the good work!
By the way, you might want to consider publishing. Google has lot's of info.
Keep up the good work!
- Feb 1, 2011
- 1,575
- 3
- 141
Quote:
x2 *subscribing*
x2 *subscribing*
Me too this book is great!
- Thread starter
- #16
awwww! thanks so much you guys.
im working final spell check on chapter two. I'm glad i decided to start puting this up, i kinda forgot about it for a long time after writing it a year or two ago. I wrote down about 70 pages worth (rough draft) and i just remembered it the other day while reading "the life of apple the budgie" by birdies (one of my fave stories on here) and i decided to go through my old files and found it. I still have some editing to do on the next chapter before i put it up.
oh, and @ luvinmychickens: as there are still similaritys between the prosess between battory hens and broiler hens for the first day or two of life, such as de-beaking, vaccinations ect. but im still not coppying your story.
I'll have the new chapter up in half an hour or so.
oh, and @ luvinmychickens: as there are still similaritys between the prosess between battory hens and broiler hens for the first day or two of life, such as de-beaking, vaccinations ect. but im still not coppying your story.
I'll have the new chapter up in half an hour or so.
- Thread starter
- #18
ok, second installment.
comment your opinion so far.
Chapter #2
I expected my freedom to be filled with pride and exhilaration. Instead, it was filled with exhaustion and wet egg membrane. I did the "still-and-no-noise" thing for a long time. I dreamt of warm, cozy things.
after some time, my eyes reopened to take in my surroundings. It was warm. The floor was a fine mesh that was uncomfortable to sit on. There were other chicks around me, fluffy and yellow. I chirped in amusement. They looked so funny! I looked down at myself then.
Hmm...I was yellow and fluffy. Thoroughly embarrassed, I looked around to see what else there was to see. We seemed to be in a large, rather dirty white-ish box, with a big, bright thing that seemed to be the source of heat. There were still a lot of us trying to get out of our "is" things. There were many chicks walking around, picking at each other and pecking at bits of shell. Some chicks were sorry, wet, limp looking creatures. Ugh. I hoped I hadn't looked like that.
Well then, I should be walking around like the other self respecting fluffy chicks. I gathered my legs under me and pushed up. I rose to my full hight in pride!..for about half a second until I fell over directly into one of the more confident looking chicks.
"watch it!" he snapped.
"Sorry." I muttered, embarrassed again.
I stumbled my way over to a corner, where a very sad looking thing was laying. I poked her with my beak.
"hey, its time for 'move and noise!'" I politely informed her. I waited. Nothing. I poked her again.
"come on! Its fun!" I demonstrated by peeping as loud as a could, getting a few dirty looks in response. I was confused.
"Shes not getting up." I stared at a chick who had spoken, standing a bit away from us. I noticed there was a several inch radius around the chick on the ground.
"I don't understand." I chirped in reply.
"just walk away, shes doing the 'no-move-no-noise-forever' thing"
"Oh." I still didn't get it.
The other chick sighed and walked away. I lie down next to her. She was cold and hard. She was thin and boney. Very not so good looking. She was...empty... NO! She needed to get up. Suddenly grief overtook me. It wasn't fair. I laid my head on her and shook with sadness that chilled me to the core.
Then, I felt a...a presence, in my mind. A..."there-ness" Like I wasn't alone in my self. Then there was thoughts that formed into words in my brain. "You need this don't you? I will help you this time, but don't always expect this kind of thing."
I felt a surge of power run through me, and the the "we" inside my head was an "I" again. The presence was gone.
I was so stunned that it took me a minute to realize that the cold chick was taking in shallow breaths. she let out a low hissing sound and opened one eye. Then she made a sound.
"gif oof meh nenth" Shocked, I stood up and stared.
"What?"
"I said, get off my neck, although that statement is no longer relevant seeing as you have obliged my request despite your unfortunate lack of communication skills."
"..."
"My name is Ow" she stated boldly, getting to her feet. "whats yours?"
"My name? Oh, umm, I'm not quite sure. How do you get a name?"
"Well, I'm glad you asked. When I hatched, I did all the normal things, got fluffy, walked around, ect. Then, these things began to reach in and grab us. All the others made a lot of noise, but all ended up getting grabbed and carted off to who knows where. I was the last one in this place, running franticly in zig zags until my strength gave out and the thing got me. With the last of my energy I gave the beast an almighty PECK! It said something that sounded quite profane, followed by 'OW!' and dropped me. I took Ow as my name. I wandered off into this corner and slept. When I woke up, there was a whole new batch off eggs in here. No food. No water. I did the no noise no move thing more and more until i didn't move or make any noise at all. then everything was dark and painful for a long time...then...I don't know... I... cold...I...I don't know. Now I'm warm, and moving and talking... You did this! You made me move again I think."
"No, it couldn't have! It must have been the 'we' in my head..." I trailed off, realizing how stupid I sounded.
"alright... I guess I owe you now"
"No, well... can we be friends though?
"Ya, someone's gotta protect you from the humans."
"Humans? What are they?"
Ow seemed amused.
"Oh, you'll see boss."
Chapter #2
I expected my freedom to be filled with pride and exhilaration. Instead, it was filled with exhaustion and wet egg membrane. I did the "still-and-no-noise" thing for a long time. I dreamt of warm, cozy things.
after some time, my eyes reopened to take in my surroundings. It was warm. The floor was a fine mesh that was uncomfortable to sit on. There were other chicks around me, fluffy and yellow. I chirped in amusement. They looked so funny! I looked down at myself then.
Hmm...I was yellow and fluffy. Thoroughly embarrassed, I looked around to see what else there was to see. We seemed to be in a large, rather dirty white-ish box, with a big, bright thing that seemed to be the source of heat. There were still a lot of us trying to get out of our "is" things. There were many chicks walking around, picking at each other and pecking at bits of shell. Some chicks were sorry, wet, limp looking creatures. Ugh. I hoped I hadn't looked like that.
Well then, I should be walking around like the other self respecting fluffy chicks. I gathered my legs under me and pushed up. I rose to my full hight in pride!..for about half a second until I fell over directly into one of the more confident looking chicks.
"watch it!" he snapped.
"Sorry." I muttered, embarrassed again.
I stumbled my way over to a corner, where a very sad looking thing was laying. I poked her with my beak.
"hey, its time for 'move and noise!'" I politely informed her. I waited. Nothing. I poked her again.
"come on! Its fun!" I demonstrated by peeping as loud as a could, getting a few dirty looks in response. I was confused.
"Shes not getting up." I stared at a chick who had spoken, standing a bit away from us. I noticed there was a several inch radius around the chick on the ground.
"I don't understand." I chirped in reply.
"just walk away, shes doing the 'no-move-no-noise-forever' thing"
"Oh." I still didn't get it.
The other chick sighed and walked away. I lie down next to her. She was cold and hard. She was thin and boney. Very not so good looking. She was...empty... NO! She needed to get up. Suddenly grief overtook me. It wasn't fair. I laid my head on her and shook with sadness that chilled me to the core.
Then, I felt a...a presence, in my mind. A..."there-ness" Like I wasn't alone in my self. Then there was thoughts that formed into words in my brain. "You need this don't you? I will help you this time, but don't always expect this kind of thing."
I felt a surge of power run through me, and the the "we" inside my head was an "I" again. The presence was gone.
I was so stunned that it took me a minute to realize that the cold chick was taking in shallow breaths. she let out a low hissing sound and opened one eye. Then she made a sound.
"gif oof meh nenth" Shocked, I stood up and stared.
"What?"
"I said, get off my neck, although that statement is no longer relevant seeing as you have obliged my request despite your unfortunate lack of communication skills."
"..."
"My name is Ow" she stated boldly, getting to her feet. "whats yours?"
"My name? Oh, umm, I'm not quite sure. How do you get a name?"
"Well, I'm glad you asked. When I hatched, I did all the normal things, got fluffy, walked around, ect. Then, these things began to reach in and grab us. All the others made a lot of noise, but all ended up getting grabbed and carted off to who knows where. I was the last one in this place, running franticly in zig zags until my strength gave out and the thing got me. With the last of my energy I gave the beast an almighty PECK! It said something that sounded quite profane, followed by 'OW!' and dropped me. I took Ow as my name. I wandered off into this corner and slept. When I woke up, there was a whole new batch off eggs in here. No food. No water. I did the no noise no move thing more and more until i didn't move or make any noise at all. then everything was dark and painful for a long time...then...I don't know... I... cold...I...I don't know. Now I'm warm, and moving and talking... You did this! You made me move again I think."
"No, it couldn't have! It must have been the 'we' in my head..." I trailed off, realizing how stupid I sounded.
"alright... I guess I owe you now"
"No, well... can we be friends though?
"Ya, someone's gotta protect you from the humans."
"Humans? What are they?"
Ow seemed amused.
"Oh, you'll see boss."
- Feb 1, 2011
- 1,575
- 3
- 141
- Thread starter
- #20
haha thanks, more to come prolly tomorrow, if not, more the next day! thanks so much for your support guys.
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