My mom is dying *She's gone now **update*

[Knight Hawk Ranch]

Sending prayers your way.
My Dad passed several years ago from brain tumors (cancer). We flat out had to ask the doc if it was terminal the second time he started to decline. They did not want to answer this question, but had to as both my Dad and Mom wanted to know.

The doc visably paled when my Mom (who can be a witch) asked him (with every intention of being answered).

My Dad passed when he was a couple weeks shy of 62. At home and at peace, on morphine for the migranes the tumors caused. And with his family around him.

My Mom, who is quite healthy at 73, has already made her own arrangements and instructed me as to what will be done.

Trust me, your Mom knows and once she leaves her body behind, she will visit you again. In your memories, your dreams, and your future childrens faces.

I also, battled with myself as I had not had any children when my Dad passed. I, myself had grown up only knowing one grandparent as the others were already passed. I am still kinda sad that my Dad did not get to meet his only grandchild (by blood), but I do have his photos and show them and talk to my daughter about him frequently.

Do what your Mom would want and don't worry about the rest of the family.

 

[JanieMarie]

So sorry you are going through this. My prayers are with you and your family. Wishing you strength in a difficult time and in the end Peace.

 

[Quillgirl]

don't worry about getting those pie recipes. We never got my grandmama's recipes for her cakes. It became my mothers hobby to figure out the secret. After years of trial and error, she has perfected the pound cake and the caramel cake. I think by NOT having it, it gave her a way to be with her mother each time she tried a new version and heard in her mind's ear "nope, that's not quite it, try again." Once the dust has cleared, you'll remember the taste of those pies and maybe begin the work of reconstructing them... mom will be right at your elbow and you will be thinking of her. How marvelous! It is the process of "doing it" while remembering the perfection of your mom's pies that is the gift, not the outcome.

 

[twentynine]

Lost my mother Sept 21. Although she suufered from alhiemer's for 7 years she went unexpectedly. - understand where you are at rihjt nowm

 

[WingingIt]

You are absolutely doing the right thing by following her wishes. She's quiet around you because she knows that she has your undivided attention and unconditional love - so if she's in pain, she knows she can be silent, conserve her energy and that you still know she loves you. She doesn't have to put on a 'front' with you like she is the others. That's a HUGE statement of your relationship with you.

Try to think of those other (jerk) family members as being lost in their grief and pain and they don't know how to process it, so they are taking it out on you and the decisions you are all making. It's not fair and it's not right, but you are doing an amazing job of handling it and still ensuring that your Mom's wishes are what WILL happen.

More hugs and prayers coming.

 

[Eggs4Sale]

Thank you for doing this for your Mom. There are plenty of kids that can't be bothered.

The funeral arrangements are just like every other aspect of life. You can't please all the people all the time. You've covered all the bases. Don't cloud these last days with your mom by shouldering the extended family's selfishness. She needs you more than they do. YOU need you more than they do.

 

[kargo]

Quote:
I'm really sorry her family is being such a pain. I kind of know how you feel. My dad's family was always causing extra stress. He got to the point where when we told him his siter was cming over, he said, "No!" He really didn't want them here., It was awful. After he died, my grandmother hauled away all of the presents he had gien him that Christmas and either returned them for her money back or gave them to someone else in the family. She didn't even ask us. She just told us she needed them and then they were gone.

My dad got that way, too, right before he passed away. I know it's hard. I'm so sorry. I pray for you every day.

I know it's hard to lose a parent, especially at a really young age. I lost my dad at 14. My 15th birthday is next month, and I have a feeling it's going to be really different without him. Anyway, I sympathize with the fact that you're not a ton older than me and already ahve to experience this.

 

[Camelot Farms]

She has trusted you to carry out her very last and perhaps most important task. She cant do these things herself so she has placed them in the care of one she trusts.

May you be blessed with the strength to carry them out.

I've walked in your shoes and am so glad that I did it the way that I did. I took for me to get MAD at the ones who were making things harder for me and realize that it wasnt up to me to make them happy but to do my duty as it had been laid before me.

Hold your chin up, square off those shoulders and be the strong person that knows you to be. She wouldnt have entrusted this to someone that she didnt think that she could count on.

Hang in there. Your name is being whispered in the heavens this day.

 

[JessHall]

Tonini, my prayers are with you. We haven't herd anything from you since this morning...
I pray that you mom's passing is peaceful, and I'm sure the Lord will call her home soon. Look back on her life, you'll see what her purpose here on earth was, and from how you've explained her, it was a WONDERFUL purpose.
I can't give you any advice for what you are going through, because I haven't had to deal with this yet. I am confident though, that your instincts as a kind, loving daughter, will (and already have) taken over and you are doing all the right things.
Tell your mom EVERYTHING you've ever wanted to tell her. Try and find a way to cherish the fact that she is spending her final days with the ones that love her.

I herd this at a close friends memorial service on Thursday... Maybe you'll be able to appreciate it.

A Mother is more than a memory. She is a living presence.
Your Mother is always with you....
She's the whisper of the leaves as you walk down the street; she's the smell of bleach in your freshly laundered socks; she's the cool hand on your brow when you're not well.
Your Mother lives inside your laughter. And she's crystallized in every tear drop. She's the place you came from, your first home; and she's the map you follow with every step you take.
She's your first love and your first heartbreak, and nothing on earth can separate you.
Not time, not space………….not even death!

Good luck, be strong, best wishes, and don't forget all your friends are here to support you through this.

 

[wegotchickens]

Tonini, been there done that on using cremation and not interment, and putting a loved one where WE thought best and not the other family. Go with your gut. If the others are childish, that's their choice.

Another thing, is that anger is a part of grief, and being angry over the cremation is easier than being angry that they're losing a loved one. Take it as a form of venting and not anything personal. If they continue to pitch hissy fits, politely say, "I cannot discuss this any longer, Good-bye" and hang up or walk away.

You've been in my thoughts a lot. Wish I could give you a real hug.