My Mother's Cancer. She has passed. 1/28/2011

[bwebb7]

Thinking of you and your mom today. Hope that the best outcome is achieved. I hate to say that many times these "bigger" surgery cases are pushed back in the day.

 

[Pumpkinpup]

I know you all have been waiting today to hear from me about how the surgery went. I am very very sorry to say that the news I have to give is not good. They went in to do the gastrectomy and found a spot of cancer on her liver. The spot was removed and biopsied to confirm that it was indeed the same type cancer as that inside her stomach. From there they just closed her back up and sent her to recovery. We were told that now they will return to treatment with chemo.
I am having a difficult time with the news as you can imagine. They had told us the chemo was not working and that it was the reason for the surgery in the first place so my mind can't quite wrap around going back to it. I feel they are wanting to do it just to be able to say they are doing something. It kind of makes me angry when I think about it like that.
I'm just very lost right now. I wish I had good news to share but instead this is all I can say to you. I honestly feel that if it were me I would not take any more chemo and try and enjoy for all it was worth the time I had left. It's down to quality of life at this point in my mind.
I'm not ready to loose my Mom but I can't see her suffer with that awful chemo any more either if there is no benifit to be had.

 

[Camelot Farms]

Robin, I dont know what to say other than I am so sorry. I can only imagine how difficult this is for all of you. We will continue to pray for your family. Your mama is indeed blessed to have such a wonderful daughter to be traveling this journey with.

Know that you are loved and lifted up in our prayers.

 

[DuckLady]

I am so sorry. I think about you daily.

 

[CoyoteMagic]

Robin, I'm sorry to hear this. We all were hoping that this would be the answer to your prayers. Give yourselves the the next few days to recover from this news before making any decisions.

Where you go from here should be your Mom's and only your Mom's decision. If she wants to keep fighting or if she is prepared to go, it's all up to her. The hardest thing is going to be for the rest of the family to support her decision, whatever it may be. Part of being a fighter is knowing you have done everything you can, but also knowing that continuing the battle will vain. On the field of battle a general will lay down his sword if it is the best interest of those around him.

Now maybe be the time for refection of the time you have spent together. Celebrate your Mother's life! What of life's lessons does she want to pass down to future generations? Celebrate Christmas 6 months early! Bring family together in joy, not sorrow. Laughter, not tears.

 

[WriterofWords]

Oh Robin,,, this is the hard part we are just never ready to hear. Like Cindi said, the decisions have to be your mom's from here on out. I know you aren't ready to loose her, and like you said you don't want her to suffer, but it just doesn't make it any easier on you or her. Get a big notebook and starting writing each other letters in it, to you, other family, anyone important and record all of her thoughts and feelings to everyone, and all of yours and their feelings and thoughts for her. Share it every day, talk about things, write down every memory you can and hold onto and value every single minute you have left with her. Make sure everyone spends time with her and adds to that memory book,, relive everything and let her help you make plans for the future. That way even though she might not be here,, when you do something you planned with her help, you will be including her and she will be with you every step and every memory of the way.

 

[chickeypoo]

i'm sorry you are dealing with this.. Cancer really is evil. my father was just diagnosed. We haven't had much news other than yesterday they had him sitting in a chair. but it's been touch and go. not sure even where we stand. Not sure yet what we are truly dealing with. he came into the hospital with respiratory failure. Im at a loss for you. I send you many hugs as im sure you can use them as much as i can.

 

[chick4chicks]

, I am so very sorry to hear this news. You all will be in my thoughts and Prayers. Enjoy every minute you have together. God Bless

 

[saxet]

I have been where you are now, Robin.

My only advice is that you should let your mother make de decisions, even if it is not what you would have done or not what you thought she would (or should) have done. The best medicine you can give is the power of a listening ear. If she wants to talk, let her talk. If she wants to 'plan' a trip to the top of mount everest, be supportive of that too. Let her tell you about life. Or about death. I pray that you can bring yourself to let her guide you through this. Believe me, she knows how you feel too.
Please accept a long big hug from a total stranger. My heart goes out to you and your family and fwiw...you will be in my prayers.

 

[Jaguaress]

I'm so sorry to hear of this. Y'all are in my prayers.

As others have said, your mother and y'all should be making the decisions now, especially where her treatment is concerned. If they said the chemo wasn't going to work, then talk with her, and her doctor, realistically about what doing it would accomplish, since the surgery didn't go well. My mother battled breast cancer off and on for 19 1/2 years, and at the end, I was refusing all kinds of things they wanted to do to her. She had been admitted through the ICU and the orders there hadn't been cancelled when she was transferred to the cancer ward. So they kept doing all of these painful tests on her, like blood gas and certain x-rays early each morning. I questioned it, then refused for her, and after investigating, we found out that the results weren't even being read by anyone. Certainly, your experience is different, but the main point is the same: that she is in control of her own body, and gets to decide what she wants to do with her own life.

If she does choose to have chemotherapy again and has trouble with eating, due to no appetite, have her ask the oncologist about Megestrol, aka Megase. It's a liquid chemo that can be given to stimulate the appetite. It was first used in AIDS patients for that very reason, after they figured out its wonderful appetite side-effect. My mother had excellent results using it nightly - in that she could eat the next day - and it didn't interfere with the chemo drugs she was taking/receiving.

Take joy in the time you have with your mom, and as others have said, write down or even videotape conversations with her. Use your webcam and record on your computer if you don't have other means. Ask her about her childhood, happy memories, etc.. Celebrate her now.