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I don't really get this. It is hard to see them do this when we know it is a mistake, of course, but either way, this is what we raised them to do. And of course, sometimes what we perceive as a mistake is either not, or just what they are going to have to go through.
My only child, my son, and I are quite close. I divorced his father before he was out of diapers. He is 34 and I am 65. He saw his father more or less monthly throughout his childhood, and made his own choices about the man; I kept my mouth shut. On his wedding day to his first wife, both he and I knew the marriage was a mistake. I spent many, many hours with the 3 or 4 of them,, and many more babysitting a child, even though I never liked this first wife.
He now has a new wife, 2 kids from the first marriage who he has the usual visitation with, and 4 kids who are from his wife's first marriage. And my son's father has more contact with the first wife, who has figured out how to live on welfare and fake disability forever, than with him. Even more strange as he was always an avowed conservative.
My son's father has often asked him about moving nearer to him, or sharing some land. My son has avoided or refused all such requests. On the other hand, my son had been bugging me for years to do just this with him. I avoided it until he divorced and remarried, as I did not want to live near his first wife. About two years ago, we jointly bought some 11 acres, and now share them, along with the chickens and dogs.
My new DIL and I are not close, but we have very different personalities, and we get along fine. She made it clear that my living so close was OK with her before I agreed to this setup. My son loves having his perceived family where he can easily check on us, and is thriving on this setup. In a single week, we might cross paths for a few minutes once or twice, we might spend an evening together, we might eat a meal or two together, it varies a great deal; depends on his schedule. No one gets excited about it.
Tonight we put in the new nest boxes after they returned from a fishing trip. He and his wife went fishing the other day while all the kids were with the alternate parents. They got stranded, and I spent about 4 hours (me running around and both of us on cell phones) locating them and getting them back to their vehicle and boat trailer.
OP, that is a lot of information, I know. Maybe your son is a computer nerd or a rocket scientist and would not know a fishing worm from a garter snake. I am trying to say that, if you are close, a wife will not change that. Maybe you will have a bit less time with him than you are accustomed to, but you are likely to find that it is very much quality time. You would be foolish indeed to not develop your own relationship with your DIL. And you would be even more foolish not to develop some interests of your own. We have all put things aside for the kids. Join that garden club, paint those portraits, do that volunteer work, whatever your thing is. Your son will be delighted.
