My Space?!

[texasgirl]

I don't have much to say about the MySpace thing but at 14 I think she should have a cell phone. At the very least a basic phone that only allows calls to and from Mom, Dad and 911. I think being able to contact someone during an emergency is extremely important.

 

[Bubba]

Amazing how people here can stir up emotions so easily.

I won't say anything, you can't argue with someone who has their mind already made up. The I am the parent, you were born to me and I own you till you leave this house, is the old, broken and pathetic way of training (growing) a young adult.

Like anything in life there are factors. Factors which make a story seem simple to me or you, look like rocket science to another. Another factor is the child. THE CHILD! They are a person, each has his/her own personality, morals, ethics, feelings and life experiences to make them who they are. I hope you find a way to find a middle ground with your child over myspace. Think in 10 years if, when she turns 18 she never talks to you again....How would you feel? How would you feel if this was over ****ing myspace of all things? Myspace is like anything else in life, it can be dangerous. It can also be used the right way to help people grow, explore themselves and thier feelings, to give them focus and strength in their ideas and life.

The arguement, Everyone else is doing it is a GOOD ONE. Everyone here seems to say it's not. I stood by while I watched everyone around me cheat in the Military. What did I learn. Well I did the right thing I didn't cheat. So I got poor scores compared to everyone else, SHOCKER! Number one. They all got choice duty assignments, I didn't. I learned the hard way theres certain things that happen in life rules or no rules. THATS LIFE! So then you come down to the moral dilemma of if Everyone else is doing it is it wrong?

That's a tough one.


How I see it is. You love your kid, your kid loves you. Society is changing, society is becoming a dangerous place. I'm not just talking gangs, crime and the like. You are the hen of your house, you need to watch your chicks. That doesn't mean control and manipulate them like little ants. If your daughter wants a myspace find out why. If she says my friends have one... Well check out their friends pages, is it all girly stuff or are they all into hard core porn? I doubt its the porn.

As long as she has her page set to private, does not receive messages or friends response from people that arent her friends and YOU have her password and check it randomly. Dont log on everyday she goes to school to read about her latest boy crush drama or her friends getting yelled at for smoking bud and getting caught. Its MINOR stuff, now if she has a mystery friend who is also private and doesnt talk to her friends or show pictures then you have a problem. Chances are she wont have a problem if you take an active interest. Ok now if you tell her NO WAY IN HELL YOUNG LADY!!! She can say ok Mom (Mom loses respect points, that will almost never be regained) (Yes think of it as a game, you lose to many points you just lost a life. The chance to be in her life...)

She goes to school or has a friend open her a new myspace account for her. She checks it when shes at friends houses, that new boy shes seeing has one and well Mom cant see her email so shes not worried......

If you can look over her shoulder it will be better for the both of you. You push I can bet shes gona push right back.



Lexustami. I know its not your post but you said something that caught my attention. Please don't punish your child for being smart. Thats how I look at it. What is the USE / PURPOSE of Homework huh? Can anyone here tell me??? Oh thats right to make sure you are learning your school work. If a kid is scoring 90% or more on tests he shouldn't have to do homework.

You can address the situation as it is now. Goto the Principal and speak about it. Or punish your child.

Just so you don't think I am out of line. I was just like how you described you're (Soon enough it will just be your for everything) kid. First day of class I would take all my text books home, since they were written for retards (Yes thats how I used to think) I would read them all within the first week of school. Sometimes I would even look up extra little stuff here and there just to make sure I could beat the teacher. I would then never participate in school, teachers ignored me (They want to help the kids that can't learn, they are never taught what to do with a kid that WANTS to learn, UNHEARD OF!!) because I was always in trouble. He looks out the window, he doesnt listen to me, hes talking in class. YET the whole time, whenever I was asked a question I had the answer. It got to the point where I got some teachers sent home after I argued they lost their cool and I proved myself right. Now once it hit highschool I started bombing classes. Why? Was I dumb....No was I doing poorly on tests....NO I wasn't doing homework. Homework is a WASTE of time for some people, its pathetic after making a kid spend 6 hours or more in school to send them home expecting another 3 hours more. Usually its not even something learned, unless repetion is about learning.....

Ok what Im trying to say is goto the school and explain that your Son is smart. He does well on the tests and should not have to do homework if he is doing well on them. He is learning, he should not be penalized because the other kids aren't as fast or adept.....



Bubba

PS Yea I know so much for not saying anything. Just be happy this is typing, I hate typing so I don't write much. You should hear me talk hahahahaha

 

[Fancy Feather Poultry]

No computer, no problem. EVRAY BODY HAPAYY!!!

 

[schmoo]

Okay I have to chime in a little here. All I can tell you is when I was a teenager if I wanted to do something I would find a way. I got great grades, I was on the honor roll etc. I was a very smart teen and I thought I should be trusted. There was no internet, but there were plenty of dangers in the city. I had good instincts and was given the chance to use them. If I were told not to have a myspace in this day and age- I'm sorry but I would have done it anyways. I would have never met or trusted anyone that I didn't already know from school etc. I was not stupid.
Hobbychickener- just as you pointed out your DD was at a FRIENDS house with your permission and the dad was a pervert. You can't stop kids from being in situations that are dangerous. However you can give them the trust and chance to decide whats right. Is your daughter getting good grades? Do you think she is smart? Besides this myspace thing, can she be trusted? Does she understand the dangers of talking to people she does not know? If the answer is yes to the above questions, I would let her have it and monitor her closley. Ofcourse AFTER she is punished for lying to you. It is just not worth the risk- she will have an account if she wants one -trust me. Then you will have lost all the power you have to check it and discuss it with her. JMO

 

[TxChiknRanchers]

Here is some old fashioned gone by the wayside stuff. Applies to Myspace or outer space.

Rules are rules, they are there for a reason. Break em and suffer the consequenses. The problem in this society today is that it is if it feels good do it. Dad always said to me if they jump in the lake and drown you gonna do it too. That is just the jest of what he actually said, can't say what he actually said here!

We have six kids out in this world now and some are mad at us some are pouting and some have realized that all the rules were for their protection, not to ruin their lives. All you can do is hope that they get the head out of the picky orifice before they hurt themselves or ruin their lives with crimminal records or unwanted off spring.

Make the rules that you can live with and STICK to your guns. Use Gods template for them, I find those are rules you can live by. Most kids recognize kindness as weakness. ( I did) . If you let em off they will figure you ain't serious.

Hate me if you want to Love me if you can

RCG​

 

[2mnypets]

My older two have a Myspace account. My 7th grader does not. My husband and I have an account also. We made them so we could monitor what is going on. I told my kids that if they were going to have one, I wanted the passwords, and once a day you have to show me your account. If they don't, they get to delete their account. Just ask my older girl who is in high school. She had to delete her own account while I stood there and made sure she did it. She got the message loud and clear.

It is devestating when you find out that your child went behind your back and then lied every day about it. I consider it lying if you know you have something and everyday you act like it doesn't exsist. That's not being truthful and completely honest. I know they are teens and they have but a few short years to go from completely dependent to completely independent. I don't believe they are as fragile as they make themselves out to be. This age is manipulative and they think that parents are out to destroy their lives. I guess then that "shawty" is the only one looking out for them.

I can't give guidance for someone elses child, but I know that if it happened to me, my child would have no life. Anything that brought pleasure would be temporarily gone or forbidden.

 

[Tuffoldhen]

My kids are grown, but if they were still at the 13 to 17 age believe me that would NOT have a myspace account....sorry if it steps on someones toes but thats my two cents...

I have seen the devastating and shocking effect in my surrounding area that has happened to kids that had wonderful caring parents and a great up bringing in life...just heart breaking and disbelief that their child would engage in not only their language they used but dishonesty in real life. (stealing, drugs and murder).....Kids are just kids and for them to see degrading or bad language used on myspace even if its other friends, I find them saying they did it why can't I...and it only takes once or twice to see them swimming in the same boat...

Off my soap opera box now...but its a touchy subject with me...sorry

 

[BantyChickMom]

I think everybody agrees that times change from one generation to the next.
Kids do mature quicker physically these days, but they don't mature as quick mentally.
If you talk to your kids everyday, you hope it sinks in and they will do the right thing when the time comes for that.
However, most kids will go along with the 'crowd' just so they 'don't feel like the oddball', classic peer pressure.
I try to teach my kids to THINK FOR THEMSELVES and not make decisions based on what their friends say or tell them to do.
While i think teenagers understand there is a risk in lets say meeting someone they met online or being with a group of "friends" that are robbing a store, smoking pot, drinking, etc., I don't think a 14 year old had the cabability to truly understand the real danger in doing those things.
Why?
Because teenagers are just beginning to discover who they are and they are very trusting of anyone that may show a little interest in them.
Why do you think there are so many teenage pregnancies these days?
Simply because a boy may tell a girl "i love you" or "you are special to me".
THEY WILL TRUST ANYONE!!!


I always tell my children the following:
#1. If you feel the need to lie about it, then you're doing
the wrong thing.
#2. Being "RESPONSIBLE" means you do the 'right thing'
when no one is looking.
(It's easy to do the right thing when someone is
watching over your shoulder)

And Bubba,

The purpose of homework is to reinforce what was taught in school that day.

Are you saying there should be two different guidelines?
One for the smart kids and one for the dumb kids?
I disagree with that;
All schools in a particular state have to follow the same State Curriculum.
If homework is given, all students should be responsible for doing the same assignment because everyone is graded on the same scale: Tests = 40%, Homework = 30%,
Classwork = 30% or whatever the %'s may be.

My son is in band at his school.
He practices everyday and is an excellent trumpet player.
He simply will not fill out his practice note, and if he does, he simply will not turn it in.
LAZINESS is not an excuse for not doing what is expected of you.

 

[schmoo]

You know what. I'm changing my opinion. Rather than editing my above post I want to say this.

I thought about it and I was a smart teenager however I can remember always thinking how stupid the kids around me were.

The chances they took, the people they trusted etc. I think the average teenager is susceptible to alot of things on the internet. Things are alot different now than they were 20 years ago. It depends on the individual child here and if she already lies to you, who knows? I was wrong.....there I feel better now.

 

[TransplantedTexan]

I fall in with Zunibee and Bubba here.
Life is hard and things are scary. Teach them about it.
Sheltering them from it will not equipt them for things later.
They will be older, but with out any experience. My opinion is
you don't gain trust by focusing on discipline. You gain trust by treating people with respect and fostering a relationship. Mentoring.
This "Don't do it because I said so" way of parenting is antiquated, and frankly, it only works on the weak minded.
What are you gonna do? Lock them in their room and feed then through a slit in the door? Because if you don't, they will do these things away from you. They will find a way. The only difference is that now you will have no clue what they are doing cause they sure won't tell you.
I was the "bad kid". My folks were the "Do/don't this cause I said so." I did what ever I wanted. I did not talk to them. They had no clue.
I have 21y.o boy, a 17 y.o boy, and a 10 y.o daughter.
Our comunication is key. I know all that they do, good or bad. The 17 year old and his girlfriend spend pretty much every evening hanging out with me and the wife.
His girlfriends mom gets ticked at her cause she doesn't want to spend any time there. And I mean Any.
Yet she fails to see that she never comunicates with the girl, unless it is to berate her about what she does or doesn't do.
Her daughter is counting the days until she can move out.
Danger is all around, teach them to beware, and be smart, and let them experience and learn. Safely of course.