My Space?!

[Bubba]

I've been trying not to post.

Get her password, that is the first step.
Check her inbox. That is her personal mail only she (now you) can read that.

Then click profile and comments right under her picture. One will let you see the profile everyone can see, unless she has it set to private. (We will go over that shortly). Comments lets you see what comments her friends have left her, this is the box you will want to look at often. You can find out more about young people reading their comments than anything. Yes im an over protective big brother. I have saved my Sisters from more than one bad choice by watching them and their goofball friends comments.

The one that will keep your child safe!
Goto Account Settings!

Click the Privacy Tab.
Make sure only viewable by friends is CHECKED OFF.
That will stop everyone including you, unless you make a myspace and become a friend from looking at her page. If no one can see her page they cannot tell anything about her. I would suggest you talk to her and only let her put a first name if that, alot of people just use nicknames. Never her last name. Do you really think I go by Bubba Love in real life? Well people do call me Bubba but not everyone.

Next still under Privacy click the Notifications
Check off
Friend Requests : Require last name or email address


Ok another thing you might want to modify to make sure you maintain control is the
Account settings tab
Change the contact email address. To an Email ONLY YOU have access to.
I would suggest www.rock.com You can open a free email there that you alone know the password to. The reason you want to do this is.... If she gets mad at you she can change the password. You would be locked out. Not now because you only have to click, the I forgot password button. It will then send the password to your email, you are in control again.

You can even do this covertly if your a sneaky Mom. You can tell her ok I trust you now (in the future), let her change the password. Make yourself an account to view hers and her friends myspace accounts. Whenever you want to check her myspace mail (shes acting funny) just click the I forgot password button. Will work unless she changes the email. Cant help ya there.

I truely hope this helps you. Good luck with her looks like you are gona have your hands full ;=-)

Bubba

PS Dont feel bad about having someone teach you what your Daughter already knows. Everyone starts somewhere and you being an active parent is a good choice.

PSS If you just ban her from having the account like previous posters have said then you have lost all control. Telling me no and banning me made little difference. Grounding never worked either and from what you've said grounding her has had little effect. Explaining things helps, but only if she is willing to listen. If you have any nieces, nephews or know any younger people they will have a much easier time getting across your points then you will to.

PSSS Alleyoops have you truely looked at myspace or are you basing all of this on emotion? If you take the steps I listed above, unless the predator knows her in real life they will have no way of contacting her let alone finding any info on her. If the predator already knows her in real life, I doubt he needs the myspace. Myspace leaves a trail, predators like to follow trails not leave them......

 

[ephemeral-flame]

Well maybe it's just me not understanding the 'adults' world but...

I guess I'm considered as one of those who like talking about philosophy and things more then gossip, but maybe you underestimate the power of peer pressure. Relationships, school, friends, socially, parents, boys...It can be a lot to handle!
Maybe you can't remember, but being the 'loner' of a school isn't fun. It's way more fun to be popular. Socially, being 'cool' is generally on the positive side, generally means you have a lot of friends, and generally means you get into trouble.

I'm 13 years old. I get excellent grades and go to one of the best schools in the country. Yet, sometimes It's really hard to live life RIGHT. There are just so many things available now, and the communication is really easy. I'm an avid reader, and like the old stories about how there were neighbors and towns, and long relationships. Now, there are divorces, infidelity and sex everywhere. I know girls who've had boyfriends at the age of 12, sex at the age of 14. That's just life though. My mum said she had no idea what sex was until she was 16. i learned when i was 8.

I'm not really sure of what I'm trying to say here, but maybe you're being a little hard on her? You could try a little lecture on Internet safety, I remember my parents showing me how a stalker could get all your details by using a few details. I remember how that scared me so much...and it's really scary. Get her to use an 'alter ego' instead of her real details. That's what i do.

But then i could just be a nosy 13-year old who mourns the passing of the world i never got to know 100 years ago. Times have changed, and as a teen of today's society i understand her feelings. Try communicate a bit more, and maybe stop the lectures. We lie, but we don't want to. We just are afraid of shaming our parents, or being ashamed.

that was one long post...

 

[Bubba]

Refreshing to get a point of view from someone going through it now.

Bubba

PS That wasn't a long post, read some of mine hahaha.

 

[schmoo]

Wow ephemeral-flame you certainly are a smart one. You are wise beyond your years young lady. I wish more of todays youth had your perspective

Hobbychickener- I'm just as confused by your daughters behavior as you are. :| Take Bubbas advice about the account if you decide to let her have one. It really CAN be that safe if you do it right. Also you don't have to be super sneaky, if she wants to be trusted she needs to earn it, tell her you WILL be checking on the page.

If you want to delete it heres how: Have her sign into the account. On her "home" page next to where her picture goes it says Account settings click on that. The very first page that comes up has a highlighted CANCEL ACCOUNT on the bottom and thats how easy it is.

 

[BantyChickMom]

ephemeral-flame said,
we lie, but we don't want to.

I'll say it again,
if you feel the need to lie, you're doing something you shouldn't be doing!!

As a teenager, I was the good child, could be trusted to go anywhere, do anything, grandparents didn't have to worry about me in the real world.
I made Straight A's, in top 10% of seior class, was #3 student out of entire senior class, and held a part time job working 5 days a week.
If I wanted to 'do something', I was completely honest with my grandparents simply because I respected them that much.
In my time (18 - 20 yrs. ago) the worst thing having sex would lead to was pregnancy; now, pregnancy would be the best thing to come out of it.
Kids today do understand the risks involved in meeting a stranger, but the question is, Do they have the maturity to realize that they may not come back alive??
When I would ground my daughter, she took it extremely well, simply saying OK; No punishment seemed to bother her at all. The first punishment that pulled an emotion from her was when MIL moved into her room with her.
Kids are very resilient these days and for whatever reason feel they need to be this big, bad tough guy/girl.
DD even told me she saw nothing wrong with disobeying your parents as long as the kid didn't think what she was doing was wrong!!!
I countered this with what may be right for one person will be wrong for another person.Whatever rules are set forth must be obeyed at all times.
I don't like/want to pay taxes but I have to.
I've learned the hard way, if you don't want bad behavior to continue, put a stop to it immediately, don't give a chance to allow a teenager to prove or hang him/herself.
I was always taught to "let your conscience be your guide", meaning if you have an uneasy/suspicious feeling, there is probably something going on!!
God blessed me and DH with 3 beautiful children and I love each one of them enough to protect them at all costs, even if that means protecting them from their own stupidity/ignorance!!​

 

[jamiebartlett]

Hey... quite a dilemma you have going on there! We had a teen that was similar to yours. What we did was downloaded a keylogger that only I knew the sequence to. And after enting a few key strokes it'd bring up a screen and let me see everything that was typed by her. You can find several free ones online. Or you can buy parental software that will let you see everything she sees, reads, says, and everything everyone says to her, including in instant messaging, emails, etc. They're relatively cheap on the higher end - about 40 to 50 dollars. If you google keylogger or parent monitoring computer software it will give you options. Seveeral even have free trials. I let our teen know that we had downloaded the progrma on our computer. She still was rebellious in regards to computer rules from time to time - but she made such a tight knit community online that she was very upset when it was taken away from her for a week, which included groudning - meaning after school she came straight home so I knew she didnt access the computer somewhere else.

Not every teen is the same, but hopefully something will work. I dread the myspace converstation. My second in line teen now uses it and behaves just fine. Good luck!

 

[jeaucamom]

Quote:
Ephemeral flame, something you need to realize is that it is ALWAYS hard to do the right thing. If it was easy, then the process of growing up would have no value. An infant-toddler-child-teen-adult has to learn that it is always better to do the right thing and usually never easy. It is no easier as an adult, yet we have learned that the intrinsic rewards and the good of society and our families are what makes it worth doing and so we do it. Doesn't mean it is easy or that we like it.

And it is no easier being the loner at work or even in your own family. These are not things that are unique to teens. Peer pressure is just as REAL at church, work, home, friendships etc. If you start caving in to peer pressure now, then your entire life is going to be miserable. If you consantly compromise to cover up and to be acceptable, what a SAD, SAD, thing.

It is a mistake to use youth with a unique circumstance in life as an excuse to behave in a manner that jeopardizes yourself, your family and your society.

No one lives in a bubble. Although our western "independent" streak has brought us far and has many good and admirable aspects to it, it also has a downside. We have become so ego and ethnocentric that we have lost site of our place inside a community. And sometimes I have to think of others before myself for their good. Which ultimately is for my good and the good of the whole.

Sorry to be sermonizing, but it is something that is dear to my heart.

 

[TxChiknRanchers]

Quote:
When you (started to say grow up but I wont resort to that) have children of your own( who will depend on you to care for them) I think you will sing a different tune. you may not be as progressive and all knowing and understanding when you feel your daughter's or son's life is on the line. The fact that you ROFLMAO when you read someones post about caring and protecting their children is revealing ! Parents are not perfect. Good parents make decisions regardless of their popularity. and sometime when you are close to a situation you just do your best to make the best one you can. just as it is said the moderators do here!

AS far as Religion; I think that if everyone tried to live by the commandments of the Lord, We would all be better off ! Thats why I brought it up. Jesus asks those that believe in his word to bring it up.

Anyone that has been born again and accepts the Lord as their savior is not saying that they are perfect and sin no more, they just know that their Lord died on the cross to save them from their sins . If you believe then you understand these things, if you do not then I hope you do before you leave this world. I am not Christ-like I do not stop and check on everyone I see on the side of the road, and I am a sinner, I swat flies and mosquitos, and shoot predators that attack my animals. I have asked the Lord to come into my life and change me, I do believe he is in my life now and that I am a work in progress.

PSSSSSSSSSSS
My children are speaking to me and they lead a productive adult life. YES at times they get mad when I won't co-sign a loan or do not approve of their actions and say so. And we do at times argue about their decisions, however, I don't act like, or think, I own them, I make sure they know they own their actions and have to be responsible for them! Drop me a line when YOU have raised 7 and we will talk again.

IT is a good idea to be involved in a young persons life and to see what they are into and let them breath, so to speak. However when you say NO it should be respected. To question authority is only good when you are smart enough and mature enough to be the authority. It seems more prevalent these days but that is not a good thing IMHO. Everything said, that you do do not agree with, is not a conspiracy to do harm.

There...... I think I covered it! Have a nice day!

 

[jeaucamom]

AMEN! AMEN! AMEN! Wish I had a key to make the font enormous. You said it very well txschiknrancher.

 

[BantyChickMom]

TxChiknRanchers,

Hats off to you for raising 7 children and surviving it all.
I have my hands full with 3.

I agree that children do need to respect authority and learn to accept NO even tho they don't always agree with it or understand why!

Having your own children suddenly brings everything into perspective and changes your whole attitude towards life!!