My Space?!

[luvzmybabz]

MY two oldest boys live with my grandmother 1 1/2 hours away. my oldest 12 wanted to get the internet to talk to friends etc. We compromised I got them the internet and told them no myspace etc. what they did not realize is that I put logmein on the computer and while they were gone I would log in to their computer and check everything. My grandmother calls one day and says they are on the site called BEBO(sp?) similiar to myspace so when they got home I called oldest got all his login info and researched it I was actually thinking about letting them keep it as I was able to see the ims etc, until I looked deeper into my sons profile and realized he had lied about his age. His excuse he could not start an account without adult permission unless he lied so I loaded up my 3 younger children drove the 1 1/2 hours and yanked the modem out of the wall. I love my sons and want them to do good in school BUT will not allow secrets of this sort at all. Just within the last year a young girl was killed, about 15 miles from where they live in rural oklahoma, by a man she had meet on Myspace. They may get the internet back in a couple of years just haven't decided yet so in the mean time they use the computer lab at school or the library. They are allowed to use the computer when they are at my house if I am in the same room, and at this point they understand If I leave the room and there is not another adult in the room they get off of the computer THEN!!

 

[HobbyChickener]

As it sits right now we are in a holding pattern. I have acquired the passwords that I need to look through her account and changed the password to the computer so she doesn't have access to it with the understanding that she is not to be on it anywhere. With the accounts that she has right now I can log in and see when she did even if it is not on my computer at home (It helps as I sit in front of a computer all day so I am not computer challenged). Being an outsider at school is not a problem with my daughter even if she had no computer at all. Basketball player, Soccer Player, Miss teen fair queen, as well as a clothes model so social is not an issue here.

Next to my wife I am the first to admit that I am stern with my children. I am also very protective of them which might very well turn into a bit of over sheltering. However, Morals are a huge issue with me and I will not be lied to. Just like I am willing to let her have just about what ever she wants as long as she is willing to work her hind end off to get it. The value of an honest dollar is one of the best values to teach a kid in my opinion.

Ephemeral Flame it sounds as though you are on the right track to being a well balanced young adult. But in that same effect why are you surfing the net @ 6:00 a.m.?

 

[Bubba]

The fact that you ROFLMAO when you read someones post about caring and protecting their children is revealing ! -TxChiknRanchers

You took that VERY far out of context, almost to the point of twisting my words.


The purpose of homework is to reinforce what was taught in school that day.

"ROFLMAO!!!! Are you kidding me???" Bubba

Is what I said. Where in there am I laughing at someone protecting their child or even caring for them????

I was laughing at the thought that homeworks only point is to reinforce what is taught in a school day. I still find that to be a joke. I stand by what I said, homework is a burden on students that should not need to do it. There is a problem with testing in that people have strengths and weaknesses naturally. Some people do well at written, others at verbal, some at both. We should push children to better themselves, and excell at interests and subjects they are good at. I was never pushed quite the opposite. Making children that are getting As on tests waste their time (Yes WASTE) on homework accomplishes nothing. That time would be better spent working on subjects that seem harder to that student. Please do not tell me that is how it works. It is a blanket system that treats all children the same regardless of their IQ, strengths and weaknesses. Why do you think America is falling behind of the world....... Or does everyone still believe we are number one.

As far as myself I doubt I will ever have any offspring. I have deselected myself from the gene pool. I would never want to put another person through the hell I face everyday. Thou I do influence quite a large number of children (Family, Friends, Neighbors) I give them advice, help and ideas (For the most part, parents agree with my approach to things, sometimes after a little explaining behind my philosophy.) I agree in respect and the general lack of it people have now for each other. My point is and will be I don't not believe in treating people like property. Most of the strict parents think along those lines. My way or the highway is not the right mindset, unless of course you think America needs more psycho, sociopaths and megalomanics. If a parent acts like a dictator it will usually rub off on a child.


Alot of people never realize unless I point it out, I point out opions of the side not being represented even if I have no vested interest or even agree with it. People in turn attack me over these ideas or points as if they are my own. Just because someone talks about an idea does not make it theirs or even means they support it. "A smart man trys to see not only both sides but all sides of an arguement. The world is made of many more colors then black, white or even grey....." -Bubba



Hobbychickener I hope your Daughter regains you're trust. The myspace thing is minor to that and the future threat of boys.... I understand you are a stern parent, there is nothing wrong with that as long as you are not blind to the world and how it changes. Yes people you must change with the world, regardless of the saying Change is not always good! I think it is better for a parent to have to much involvement than to have little or none in a childs life.


Bubba

 

[TxChiknRanchers]

Won't go into a long explanation as to why I think you miss the point or reiterate my feelings but I will show how I did not twist your words;

Bubba wrote:

PS I just about died laughing after reading some of the posts after mine.

That is where I was coming from.



I agree that this country is behind others in education. My perception is that this country does not force students to excell. It is not politically correct to "raise the bar" it is more comfortable to let the underachievers keep up! So the standards get lowered to make it look like everyone is doing well. My perception is my reality

Randy Guidry​

 

[TxChiknRanchers]

OH and

Hobbychickener I hope your Daughter regains you're trust. The myspace thing is minor to that and the future threat of boys

That is why as Parents We try to keep our children on the right path early and want them to OWN their actions.​

 

[kstaven]

Just one comment on your homework comments BUBBA. I AGREE!

I came out of highschool with honors and have to say that I almost quite 3 times because of the frustration of having to listen to a teacher drone on and on about the same subject day after day. Repeated work and review on the subject you understood a month ago turns many students off and they leave the system(drop out), out of frustration.

This isn't meant as a slam on teachers in any way. I know they have a tough job and rarely get credit for what they do. It is the educational systems overall structuring that is flawed. It is not geared to the individual.

 

[Chickerdoodle13]

I agree with the homework thing as well. I used to get in trouble in middle school for not listening or reading during class. Well, maybe that was because the teachers would focus on the kids who were not doing so well all the time. What did they want to do as a solution for my reading during class? Give me extra work! My parents said no way, and I was still bored, but the teachers didn't pay as much attention to me reading during class.

I also used to absolutely hate teachers that would pair up a slower student with those who actually did work so that they could balance each other out. That was bull crap! It just made it more difficult for the studious one who ended up doing ALL the work! Sometimes the school systems are messed up and the only way you can fix the situation is by paying thousands for a private education! Every time I think about it, I am more and more happy that I am out of the school system for good.

I think there are several ways for doing everything, including parenting. That doesn't necessarily make any one of them wrong. It just means there are several ways of doing it right.

 

[BantyChickMom]

My DD is back to her old tricks again.
Looked through my cell phone bill and her line alone has over 3400 minutes used!!! (in 1 month_
My DD went through HELL this summer, or so I thought.
She said she learned her lesson, or so I thought.

I felt sorry for her and give her her phone back once the charges were dropped. I figured she had been wrongly branded and needed a new start.
That very day, she started back up talking to this same boy 3 to 4 hours away.
I give her the option to tell me the TRUTH or I would contact the Sheriff's Dept. and press charges on this boy.
She made the initial contact, gave out her cell phone # (which technically is mine since it is in my business's name and I pay the bill),
and has been chatting away all during the night for 2 months!
Now, she has no cell phone and will not have one until she is 18 and can get her own account in her name, she will not go to grandma's to spend the night anymore, she will not go with the neighbor to the YMCA anymore!!!
I feel like the biggest fool ever for trying to trust her again!!
All summer and the past 2 months, she has been such a joy to be around, no attitude, no eyerolling, no bad tone, and no smart remarks to anyone.
We had been talking so much and getting along so well.
Just as soon as I hand down punishment, she's back to her old self.
Hasn't spoken 10 words to me since Thursday night when I confronted her, and has stayed in her room 95% of the time,
only comes out for bathroom or to eat!!
Bubba, this question is for you,
Who's fault is it this time for her shutting me out??

My personal feelings are I absolutely flatout refuse to go back to a teenager causing me and my other kids so much hell. I absolutely will not allow that to happen.
From where I'm standing, she was the perfect kid as long as she was doing just what she wanted (breaking the rules).
The problem arose again once she got caught!!!
This tells me that she is in no way mature enough or responsible enough to be out of my sight!!
If after all she has been thru and she still refuses to obey the rules, what are my choices now?
In the state of NC, I am legally responsible for her actions until she is 18!!
I am sorry if I offend anyone but if she wants any privelege whatsoever, she is looking to the wrong person.
She has consistently taken advantage of my generosity and has proven too many times that she is not trustworthy.
So, if she chooses to shut me out again because I am doing my job as a parent, then SO BE IT!!
That is a decision I can live with and a decision she will have to learn to live with.
But I have warned her that under no circumstances will she holler at me, roll her eyes at me, or basically do anything that disrespects me in any way.
If that means I have to slap her face, then I will do so willingly.
You see, I have went out of my way to talk to her, to show her that I'm trying to protect her from danger;
She has been told many times that she can talk to me about anything, but at the same time, she also must understand that if she has done wrong, there will be consequences.
I have tried to be strict with her, I have tried to be her friend, I have tried to reason with her, I have also tried the leniency approach and yet she still proceeds to break the rules.
The real problem here is:

Teenagers think they are grown, and they should be able to do whatever they want to. They see no problem with disregarding authority if that authority disagrees with their way of thinking.
This whole DD situation has already caused several arguments between me and DH;
This was found Thursday night, this is Saturday night and he still hasn't said one word to DD about what she has done! Hasn't even asked her why she did it again even tho we have told her this is unacceptble behavior.
I feel it is part his job as daddy to have a say in the discipline and punishment but he doesn't because "he's just too busy at work and doesn't care" (his words not mine)
I just can not handle having to deal with this unruly behavior again. I am ready to pack her clothes and send her to MIL and let her deal with it.
I say that because regardless of what DD does, she's still the perfect little angel in MIL's eyes.
There is so much tension between me and DH that I refuse to help him paint tomorrow, and anyday after.
I strongly feel that until he is willing to fulfill his responsibility at the homefront, I am not willing to fulfill mine on the jobsite.
Childish of me??
Maybe so, but one person can only deal with so much and I am not going back to allowing a teenager to take control of my home again!!


It's not a matter of hobbychickener's daughter regaining his trust.
She broke the rules !!!Regardless of whoever set up the account, she broke the rule by using the account when she was told "NO".
So, it's really a matter of hobbychickener regaining dd's trust!!


Back to my own dd now.
I have even told her if she could give me 1 good reason why she should be allowed to talk to these 'long distance boys', I might would consider modifying the rules a little.
Her only reason is "Because I want to"

 

[MonkeyZero]

You can go here

http://www.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=misc.faq&Category=3&Question=38

 

[jeaucamom]

Boy, it sounds to me like it is time for some radical ideas. Have you ever considered something like Outward Bounds? They have a proven record of dealing with troubled teens like your daughter who seem to have lost their conscience. There are many programs like it, but that is the only one I know the name of. Please look into some professional help for both you and her. You are going to need some support if your DH is not taking a more active involvement. I am praying for you. Honestly IT IS TIME FOR PROFESSIONAL INTERFERENCE. You could also press charges for "stealing" your cell phone. Maybe a stint in Youth Authority will snap her to. Seriously, it is scare tactic time.