My turn to rant a little... grrrr.

[m.kitchengirl]

So, I moved into a great little place with the man in my life in June. I am, typically, very opposed to living with others and was VERY wary of moving in to his home rather than getting our own to start fresh for both of us. We did not do this though, and I moved into his home which is in a lovely, rural area still fairly close to Portland. He has a lifetime lease here - his brother is the owner/landlord and there has been some talk about us buying half - our house and 2.5 acres of land. I have been the major road block to this since moving in because - well, lots of reasons.

Before I moved in I was aware of some issues with the house - there is a plumbing problem that makes the toilet back up pretty regularly (3-6 times a day if it rains, which has been a lot this summer here - sorry Texans) and sometimes the whole system backs up into the sinks and the washing machine. I have lost several loads of laundry this summer. We also have a broken furnace, which is not great as cold weather is rapidly approaching, and my SO has battled black mold a few times in the last year - but not since I moved in.
So, maybe you can see why I was hesitant to move in. I was assured that the brother was very handy and that these things would be fixed sooner if I lived there. I have kids and am actually home since I work from here, and his brother would get it done. Humph.
My SO's brother is an electrician and plumber, and general handyman by trade and is VERY busy & successful at it.
He took the furnace out a few weeks ago & repaired it over a week, put it back in and found it was STILL broken in the same spot. Haven't seen him since (that was last Sunday). He said, when he was here getting the furnace the first day that we "shouldn't have to live like this" (my SO unclogged the toilet while he was there) and said he would handle that too. Well, he dug a huge hole in the yard, had an employee fill it in, and I just unclogged my toilet for the second time today. As the brother revved up his Harley to go out for a ride.

Winter is rapidly approaching and I have no heat, and a perpetually clogged toilet, and last week when I was mopping I found more mold by the toilet (big shocker) and then also in the kitchen under the sink (where a lot of backups have happened this summer), and by the trash barrel. That is over by a spot above the back door where a lot of water leaks in from the ceiling (during hurricane Irene it sounded like it was raining in here but I was the only one here, so no one saw how bad it was (and I forgot about it in the opening portion of this rant!) but me.

My SO leaves his mother to deal with this stuff - she doesn't live here and COME ON NOW we are all adults...right? And before I moved in there was concern from his brother that he would get "stuck in the middle" of his brother & I, so I am reluctant to talk to him about this stuff

Were it another landlord I would just withhold rent, and maybe I should still, but BOO, I don't want to go there. I want us all to get along. I love the property and the freedom it affords me to live the life I want, it has prime land and gets so much sun that I can garden really successfully and there is enough land that I can expand my little projects pretty far. If the maintenance were handled appropriately I would consider buying half of the place. But, as it stands, there are rotted parts under the sink, the ceiling in the kitchen, the plumbing, the heat... I'd be crazy to buy.

I uprooted my whole life to move here & am rebuilding my business but it is slow in this economic climate, I can't really afford to move out right now and I don't want to move my kids AGAIN.

I am so sick of unclogging toilets and mopping poo water off the floor multiple times a day. If my SO comes home and the toilet is clogged he gets mad like I saved the job for him (even if I didn't know it happened, I don't stand there & watch the toilet flush after others use it), and he says we can use electric heaters if it gets much colder.

I am so sick of paying most of my income every month to live in a gross place. I am a very tidy person but find myself less enthusiastic about housework the longer these things roll on. It is a lonesome job making hearth & home when the sink backs up and makes the whole kitchen smell like sewer.

Ok, enough, I am sorry to burden you all, just had to vent.

 

[Marcymom3]

This is certainly cause for a rant! Unflushable toilets and no heat are not acceptable. Your landlord is responsible for the maintenance of the property unless you guys have made other arrangements. (for example, you have the repairs done and deduct it from the rent) Having personal and family relationships with him does not mean you should overlook and live with these problems. Your SO either needs to fix it himself or have a strongly worded conversation with his brother. Uprooting your kids again would not be good, I agree, but living in an unhealthy house would be worse.

Good luck!

 

[chickened]

I would rent a port-a-pottie and use it, let him use the toilet. Seriously, I would put your foot down and tell him to fix it, all of it and you will not live without the basics and be ready to back up what you say this is laziness on his part he is supposed to take care of you. It is not like you are asking for some extravagant gift.

Sounds like you may soon become his mother, do not do that.

 

[ChickInDelight]

Little Red Hen here. I do everything myself. So.... you don't actually have to do it.... but you can get it all started.

1. You can build an outhouse in the interim. (Hey - didn't you say they had already dug a hole somewhere? Slap the outhouse together with free pallets.)
2. Ask what needs to be done to fix the plumbing, and start doing it yourself.
3. That furnace is no good. Find another option.

I live in a very large circa 1760 house, and cannot afford to pay $1200 per month for heating oil. We burn wood and use very efficient quartz heaters in the bedrooms.

I know a woodstove is VERY efficient!!! All you need is a hole in the wall to pipe the smoke out.

Explain that instead of paying rent, your money will have to go toward a plan to heat this winter - woodstove and installation - and perhaps wood. Wood is free for me (although labor and mess-intensive) but perhaps you would prefer a pellet stove or something. It sounds to me like if that old furnace ever gets working, it will not work well and you may as well burn the dollar bills instead. Quartz heaters in just the rooms you need them when you need them will save you on electric.

Coming from Walla Walla, I have a tremendous pioneer spirit. I am never afraid to try anything! Every failure is a badge of honor, not that I can yet recall collecting any. I am a very persistant problem-solver. I don't give up on lost causes.

If you do reach the point of failure on any of your missions, then you provide an opening for the men to act like champions.

I am now a single mother with 3 children 17 - 23. They greatly admire me. They brag to thier friends about me. They have thanked me for the fabulous upbringing I have given them even though we spent much time making really old houses inhabitable and wonderful.

You can do this! Involve your children like it is some fun, exciting, adventure / mission. Start by explaining that folks used to live in a very primitive way not so long ago. You are going GREEN until the modern stuff is fixed.

You might be surprised how much fun it is for kids to potty outdoors. My mom grew up on a farm in North Dakota. Can you imagine using that outhouse in the winter??? As a kid, when I visited the family farms, the outhouses were still in use (even though there were indoor potties as well). My cousins had a double-seater. My own issue with outhouses is the bugs.

You can do this! Your kids will SO respect you for stepping up to the challenges. Your SO will find a can-do girl much sexier than a complainer. Amaze everyone!

 

[stoopid]

Has anyone figured out the cause of the plumbing issue? Do you have cesspools? How old is the house? Are they block, or cast rings? Could it be roots in the lines?
Does the ground perc? Sorry to ask this many questions, but... been there.
Before you go any further, find out the cause. It could be something simple,or not.
My septic guy has a poop cam. It's a camera that is mounted on a long line, you can see exactly what, and where the problem is.
We had moved into an old home, and went thru the same issues. Rented a backhoe, dug up the lines, and found nothing.
After a day of fooling with everything, we found the vent was packed full of old leaves, and squirrel nests.
After the drainage issues are solved, I'm sure some of the mold issues may lessen.
I wish you strength. Good luck!

 

[weeders n feeders]

Good land can be hard and expensive to find. Maybe you can take the house and it's problems and the brother outta the picture by buying the land and then either fixing the house yourselves or hiring it done or building another on the property. If the location is good and the price is right I'd buy it. Of course then the problems are yours and your SOs but at least then then brother is outta the picture. My philosophy is that the land and location are most important. The house is gravy a necessary gravy but all the same.

 

[ChickInDelight]

Port-a-potty! YES!

Start by finding out the cost, and explaining that the charge for the service will be coming out of the portion of rent that you pay. Have a bright, happy, this-is-great attitude.

We shall see what the brothers do next. Also, the appearance of said unit on your lawn will get the neighbors pressuring the brothers so you won't have to be the complainer.

 

[ChickInDelight]

By the way, I totally empathize with you. Men are SO hard to train!

 

[Slinkytoys]

Black mold is very harmful to your health. You and your kids can end up with permanent respiratory issues, allergies and headaches. A call to the Health Department would MAKE your landlord take care of the problem. I understand why you don't want to start any family problems, but this is too much to have to put up with.
I would put my foot down with my SO and give him a time limit in which to fix the problems. Then take the kids and go to a hotel---or move into the landlord's home. Yeah, that would do it!
Slinky

 

[sourland]

Wow, you are far more tolerant of this situation than my wife would be. Time for the 'man' to man up or time for you to rethink this arrangement on all levels.