Need advice on ADD/ADHD

[the4heathernsmom]

I encourage you to not seek out the drugs not that it isn't going to be really hard. My daughter (now seven) was behind until this year diagnosed at 5yrs but they can catch up .... lots of struggles and hard work on your part as well as teachers and lots and lots of routine structure and patience but we are proof it pays off. Last year they were ramming down my throat special ed special ed and hold her back but I pursued and encouraged and this past year the child who could not read and no one at the school wanted to hear me she COULD learn ended the school year reading on a 4rth grade level so hang in there it can be done !!!!

 

[Reinbeau]

Quote:
You have done a wonderful job of teaching your children the coping skills we ADHD types need to succeed in life. Accepting that this is how we are and working with it is the best way to deal with ADHD. Unfortunately the schools and society just can't deal with our differences, thus the need for drugs. As I said in my post, we only used them for three years, they were a tool for school. Outside of school he had to learn to deal with life as it comes - that's the only way to succeed.

I've accepted myself. I have no limitations other than my own attention span, and at 52 I think I'm doing pretty well. I've successfully raised two boys through a sad divorce, found a new, wonderful husband, broke free from office work (I was a business manager and project administrator among other things ), and have learned a lot via my own reading on many subjects (it's hard to pick just one!

). I know this isn't about adults, but remember, those ADHD kids are going to grow into ADHD adults. I could go on and on about how ADHD has affected my life, it has, but other things have, too, divorce, the death of my father, and other issues. ADHD doesn't go away, you just learn how to deal with it, because that's how our brain works. Then again, isn't that what life is all about, learning how to deal with it? For everyone.

I've been involved in a worlwide ADHD support group for years and years, and heard all about Feingold and diets. I'll say it again. If your child is sensitive to foods, additives, whatever, then it isn't ADHD. It's a food sensitivity. Of course a good diet is essential (that's a whole 'nother rant) and we should all be eating real food, not the garbage out there. Don't look to diet to fix the true ADHD wired brain, and I say true ADHD wired brain because I agree, way too many kids are being diagnosed with it. The subject is so complex in society, we look for diagnoses and quick fixes for all manner of 'differences' because we all want to be 'normal'. Tell me what normal is, please!
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[mom4morecritters]

I only read the first page and a half, so if I repeat anything, I apologize.

I have ADHD and wasn't diagnosed until adulthood. ADHD isn't something you grow out of but many adults have learned how to deal with their ADHD and be productive. I was never able to figure out how to deal and be productive until I started Adderall. It's absolutely amazing how different my life is now. It's a whole new world!

Our 12 yr old is ADHD and has anxiety as well. Without medication she would not be able to get through the day. We still had potty training issues with her through Kindergarten, then she started Adderall and after that was able to fully potty train. She has an above average IQ and without the medication she probably would be a grade or two behind.

Our 10 yr old was diagnosed at 3-1/2 with ADHD severe. We told the child psychologist we were not med people. We had always viewed it as medicating the child, not helping a chemical imbalance. The child psychologist told us that if our son can't concentrate he can't learn, if he can't learn he can't grow. That made sense to us! He is also incredibly impulsive, which can be quite dangerous to his safety. He is now on several different medications due to his significant brain damage. He will always be developmentally delayed and the older he gets the larger the gap gets between him and other kids his age. His disabilities are severe, but if he wasn't medicated he'd be institutionalized.

Our youngest two, ages 3 and 2, are not medicated at this time, but I definitely see meds in their future! They both show signs of ADHD and are both very impulsive, which has proven on many occasions a danger to their safety.

I realize our family isn't typical because all four of our children have a fetal alcohol spectrum disorder on one level or another... ranging from severe to mild. It has been easier to get our youngest two tested as their birthmom admitted to drinking during pregnancy. The birthmom's of our older two denied it, so it has been more difficult to get them diagnosed.

I know I rambled, I'm sorry, but this is a topic I am very passionate about. It always bothered me when people would question HOW we could medicated our child. In reality, it isn't anyone else's business what we choose to do to help our children, they don't live in our home! Those who are ignorant to the fact that the medication was created for a REASON, and chemical imbalances need to be treated, have never been welcome in our home... without an education!

EDITED to add: I forgot to mention routine and structure... We don't realize how structured our life is until someone else points it out! Our 3 yr old can NOT deal with transitions or changes at all, so routine's are a very important part of our family. After dinner we don't allow playtime because NONE of our children can transition to bedtime from playing, so we snuggle and watch a movie for "quiet time" after dinner, then off to bed. Routine and structure are as important as AIR for ADHD kids! Routine and structure are essential to help them follow through on tasks. Routine also helps the ADHD kid to know what to expect... what is coming next. It prepares their brain for the next task and/or part of their day. Our older two kids are on several supplements, including Omega 3.6.9. The two little ones are on a children's' daily vitamin. B Vitamins and Zinc are common nutrients found to be missing in the ADHD brain.

One little thing about fetal alcohol spectrum disorders... many children and adults that should have been diagnosed with a FASD have been diagnosed with one or more other disabilities. Someone mentioned the prison system being filled with ADHD adults. By the time a FASD person reaches age 30, an overwhelming percentage are either dead or in prison (60%)! More children are born with permanent brain damage due to prenatal alcohol exposure than children born with autism, Down Syndrome, and Spina Bifida COMBINED! Many times brain damage occurs before the woman even knows she is pregnant! Most fetal alcohol exposed babies don't "look" like anything is wrong, but you can't SEE brain damage!

newchickenfamily - My DD, at age 6, not only started Adderall, but also Inderal for her anxiety. It made the WORLD of difference!

 

[Solsken Farm]

All three of my children have ADHD. They are adopted and their birth history shows evidence of ADHD on both sides. Our children have the combined type. They are 6.5, 8 and 9.

Medication is a personal choice. I think it is counterproductive for any of us to advocate medication or not. Each child is different and ADHD can range from mild to severe. None of us are psychiatrists and it is not appropriate for any of us to recommend to the OP to medicate or not. Sharing our experiences of how we have helped our own children is different than trying to sway someone. For anyone who has chosen not to medicate, perhaps that child has more mild symptoms. I am against parents using drugs to handle poor behavior or parenting failures. This does occur, sadly. However, many parents feel ashamed or guilty that they have chosen medication as part of the treatment for their child diagnosed with ADHD. Sometimes this leads them to stop treatment, which can be completely unfair to that child.

OP, for the record, ritalin is the one of the most studied drugs on the market. There are over 133 long term studies since the 1930s. They have solid longitudinal evidence that this drug has no long term negative impacts, and actually has been shown to reduce substance abuse, mood disorders and other problems later in life.

That being said, sometimes cognitive behavioral therapy combined with very consistent school/home routines can be successful for some children, if their symptoms are not as severe. Some school districts are very helpful and others are not. Advocating for your childs needs is most important.

Our children are doing unbelievably well at this point and are a joy. We had to medicate in order for them to function with other children, at school and for the health of our family, but this was what we needed to do. You may find you don't need or want to go that route. But try to research all you can. You will be your best judge of what you need to do for your wonderful daughter.

I can think of many worse challenges for a family to have to endure, so we just accept that our kids have this particular set of behaviors and find activities that work for them. Team sports don't work. Skiing and swimming and piano do.

Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison and Alfred Stieglitz had ADHD. Look what they did. The quick mind, energy and vibrance can be a true asset.

Edited to add: Mom4morecritters, you posted while I was typing. You just demonstrated exactly what I was talking about. You sound like a great mom!

 

[klf73]

One major thing to remember, you are your childs biggest advocate. If you aren't comfortable with something, don't just sit back, don't be afraid to speak up. If you don't think they are doing enough, tell them. Don't be afraid to get second opinions. This is your child, not theirs, you make the final decision.....
Krista

 

[shangri-lafarms]

Quote:
Hey check out this site it shows syptoms of dyslexia...sounds a lot like he may have it. It isn't only writing backwards although that is some tell tale signs. ADD/ADHD and Dyslexia often go hand in hand. http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/learning/dyslexia.html and also this one is extremely helpful as well I love it http://www.dys-add.com/dysvideo.html (read through this whole site).

Thanks for the information, my brother has dyslexia so I know that it runs in my family...My son used to write backwards and sometimes still does, I will mention it in my next Dr. appointment...Thanks for the website very usefull!!!!!

 

[Reinbeau]

Many adopted ADHD children were given up by ADHD adult women - it runs in families. The impulsiveness sometimes leads to all manner of things that get you into trouble - pregnancy is one of them.

 

[d.k]

* Boredom in school and out is the toughest thing to overcome with ADD/ADHD. We don't tolerate boredom well at all!!!! That is often why we are implusive, often don't finish what we start, are distractable/ disruptive in school, agressors and so on. We want the pot stirred constantly. . .

 

[Reinbeau]

d.k :

* Boredom in school and out is the toughest thing to overcome with ADD/ADHD. We don't tolerate boredom well at all!!!! That is often why we are implusive, often don't finish what we start, are distractable/ disruptive in school, agressors and so on. We want the pot stirred constantly. . .

Ain't that the truth! That's why I got in trouble in school. I'm not bragging, it's just a fact - I have no problem learning. My grandmother taught me to read and write (cursive!) when I was four. I got in trouble when they were all learning how to write block letters because I already knew it, I was writing cursive, the nuns didn't like that one bit, they used to crack my knuckles with a ruler to make me stop - so to this day I print

I also out-read everyone else, that wasn't good, either. So I was bored. To tears. And I talked, and fiddled, and got sent to Mother Superior more times than I could count. When we moved and I was in a public school we did what was known as SRA reading books. I'd blow through them in a quarter of the time of everyone else, and then get in trouble because I was disrupting the others. Fiddling, giggling, I actually used to sneak in my own books so I could read them after I was finished with my assigned reading, that way I could at least not get sent to the principal so many times! It's just plain hard to have an inquisitive mind that jumps to many subjects and try to marshall that to sit in a classroom for hours at a time.

And for that nowadays we medicate our children. For being kids. What's wrong with that picture?​

 

[newchickenfamily]

Once again, thank you to all that have posted. You have all given excellent advice. I have been going through your posts, one by one, and writing down notes, Googling, bookmarking sites, etc.... I have gained so much insight from you wonderful BYCers! Who knew that having chickens could be so helpful?!?!

I think having a structured routine will be numero uno. She thrives on routine and has major meltdowns when something unexpected comes up at home. This doesn't happen at school, but it does at home. I need to get a schedule implemented. That's tough for me (I'm Type B, mellow go with the flow) but I need to get it together.

I know in my heart that in the long run, my daughter Sydney will do OK. I know this will be an uphill and frustrating battle, but we are behind her 110%. I will not take no for an answer and will go to the ends of the earth to try to do the right things for her.

At the moment, I don't know where the path will lead (meds, no meds, etc..) but we take in all opinions from Dr.'s, specialists, teachers and from those of you in the "trenches" that have been there and done that and make the best choices that we can. But I know that we won't medicate just to make the teachers happy. If it's in SYDNEY's best interest, we will make that choice, but not because we are told to do it.

One thing I know for sure is that I will be making diet changes here in our house. Whether it makes a difference in her or not, we can all stand to make better food choices!! In general, we eat pretty well, but there is plenty of junk that can be eliminated from the kids diets!

Thanks again for all of your kind thoughts and words of wisdom!

Jennifer

newchickenfamily
(I need to get a new screen name, this one is B O R I N G!)