Need advice on something, don't know how to handle this...

[crzychickenlady]

Ok....this is a bit of a strange long story so I will try to sum up....

My best friend of almost 20 years has been driving me nuts lately. She used to date my brother when we were teenagers and then moved on to get married and have 2 kids.

Withing the last 2 years she has been having feelings for my brother again and told her husband about said feelings.....the husband gives her permission to act on those feelings and she begins this....weird...thing with my brother, whilst still married and her husband knows about it.
I didn't approve but kept that to myself as it's really not my business if she wants to wreck her family.

A little background about my brother....he hates kids, does not want them, does not want to be with anyone who has them...he has always been this way.

Ok, so my best friend decides to leave her husband thinking that my brother will be with her and make this magical

happy family with her and her kids.

All of this would be fine if I was left out if it.....BUT..

Every time my brother ignores her...which he does ALOT..I get a call..
"Have you heard from your brother?
"Your brother is ignoring me again"
"Why does your brother do this to me?"
"Has your brother said anything to you about me?"

This is getting REALLY old and I feel like i'm stuck in this nightmare "teen drama".
It has gotten to the point that I cringe when she calls me!!

Tonight was the kicker, it really ticked me off!!

My brother is going on this trip tomorrow and came by to visit before he goes, he's going to be gone for at least 2 weeks if not longer....of course, she calls and I don't answer.....SHE SHOWS UP HERE!! My brother leaves and I am furious with her!! As soon as she figures out he has left, she leaves too!!

How do I deal with this situation and not lose my best friend???

In some way, I don't feel like she is even my friend anymore, that she only talks to me to find out about my brother.

My brother and I are very close...but lately, I have wanted cut ties with both him and my best friend, just so I wont have to deal with any of it!

WHAT DO I DO HERE???

 

[agnes_day]

tell her just that..say "look, this is between you guys, and i am staying out of it." if she gets mad, so what! she is a grown woman who needs to figure these things out on her own. i feel for you, that would get old really quick, i imagine!

 

[maplesky7]

Tell her.

 

[FrenchHen]

Quote:
ditto.

I got sick of running interference for my sis and my mom.
Life crazy enough without being driven nuts by other folks.
Let her work it out....she might (might!) learn that it's not a great idea.

 

[maplesky7]

I mean...she leaves her husband for something not there...so her husband is probably thinking...fine, go, wierdo.

And coming over when you don't pick up...crossing the line to stalker pyscho woman. Totally innapropriate. Not fair to you and your bro.

And maybe having your bro face to face with her and tell her...there is NO chances of a you and a me...so please move on with your life and leave me alone.

Level with her.

If you value your friendship then keep it...as long as she understands...she's crossing the line and any continued freaky butt behavior will constitute a disowning of that friendship. End of story.

So tell her.

 

[Beekissed]

Sounds like a Jerry Springer episode...... I say walk...no, run away from this situation and let the children work it out by themselves!

 

[redhen]

Quote:
x2

 

[JennsPeeps]

show her what you've written. You've done a nice job of explaining your feelings & reasons for them.

It does sound like she sees you as an avenue to your brother.

This is a common way to present a complaint & request for change:

When you __(action)__
I feel__(emotion)__
and it makes me want to __(action)__.
I would like it if you __(new action)__.

Example:
When you call me to ask about my brother
I feel sad/neglected/used/disappointed/frustrated,
and it makes me want to avoid you and not take your phone calls.
I would like if if you didn't discuss the situation with me or ask me about him.

How this DOESN'T work:
When you involve me in your badly-considered affair with my brother who doesn't want a family with you,
I feel like you are only using me to get to him
and it makes me want to strangle you.
I would like it if you stopped this stupid affair and go back to your husband because you're being dumb.

Avoid confrontational language like in the 2nd example, and make sure that you tell her what you FEEL, not what you THINK or ASSUME.

Good luck. This is a... weird... situation, and I don't envy your place in the middle.

 

[dave_Cash69]

Quote:
x2

x3

 

[Patch of Heaven Farm]

I agree! Tell her how you feel. Hope it all works out.