Need Advice plz!!

[Ema]

On Sundays I have my customers that come by and get their weekly eggs. I have had this one customer for a long time, Outside from chit chatting for 30 minutes each sunday I don't really know her and her family but I have been to her house many times when she could not make it to my house on sundays. I have seen her children and her home. they have a very nice home, that is clean and their kids are polite and she even showed me once her cupboards her hubby had installed and in the processes I saw that they were fully stocked, they have 5 kids so they buy in bulk.

So this Sunday I noticed she wasn't her usual chipper self and seemed really down, She is on my facebook and she had earlier in the week posted about an issue she had with someone but gave no details. So I asked her if she was alright and I assumed it was her neighbour she had issues with and I asked if she was still having issues. Well she told me she really did not want to go it because she knows I am friends with this individual... confused, I told her I did not know any of her neighbours and this is where she told me it wasn't her neighbours but the mother of her step son, who is an acquaintance of mine, and my husband used to work with her.

Well the story is that her hubby's ex, was being paid child support and alimony for the last 5 years, but my customer had the child at her home all the time, they paid her child support in exchange of having the little guy live with them, well I guess its been financially hard on them and they looked at their options and told the mom that they would still pay her her alimony but no child support because the kid was always at their place anyhow and they already paid for everything he needed.

I guess that day the mom went and picked up the son at school, and then the following week skipped town to the city. Well they are now going back to court and want the kid back where he has been the last 5 years, with his ther siblings his dad and step mom. I know his step mom is a wonderful mom, but like I said I don't really know her all that well.

She told me they were battling an uphill battle because they couldn't get anyone to go with them to court and be a character witness on who the mom really is. And well my Dh started talking and saying how in the last 3 years he worked with her, all she has ever done is get high and drunk and go from one guy to another almost every weekend, and sometimes having more than one guy on the same weekend.

well they are now asking my hubby if he would go on a limb and testify as to how she really is. The truth is we now the mom is not stable, she rather party than care for her kids, and the times where she took the kids so she could be with them she got a sitter and went out clubbing. My dh worked with her for three years at the local bar and there wasn't a single night she worked were she didn't get drunk while at work or skip out half way through her shift and get high and come back falling all over the place.

Now we want to help out because we truly believe that this kid should not be with his mom, but we are afraid she might come back at us and try to sue us or something along those lines. We know the mom real well, but we are kind of caught in a bind, we want what is best for the kid, but we sure cannot afford to be caught in a legal battle of our own, this woman is truly motivated by money only and we sure as heck don't have any to spare!!

So I need advice...do we go ahead and have dh testify, or do we stay out of it??

Please keep this CIVIL

Ema

 

[featherfinder]

I would say yes let him testify. In my eyes the kid is what is most important to me and to have a mother like that he would not have a good life. Might even get mixed up in it to. She can not sue you for testifying. She may get mad at you but that is all she will be able to do.

 

[turney31]

Ditto...Whatever is best for the child, I would testify.

 

[Ema]

Actually here in canada she could turn around and sue us for defamation of character if she wins the case. Which is the reason we are iffy on the whole thing. The odds are pretty stacked up against the dad and step mom, specially since no one wants anything to do with this girl, Small town most of everyone knows one another.

I frankly do not care if she becomes Irate with us, but I do worry about having to dish out any cash to her that I frankly do not have. I guess we will sleep on it and make a decision on this tomorrow. I do not want to make a haste decision. But all I care about is that child. He is miserable with his mom, or lack of cause she just dumps him on sitters when she has him, and he is happy with his siblings and dad.

In the end its not me who is doing this it will be my dh.

Ema

 

[WingingIt]

Are there any regulars that could also testify as to her work habits? What about the boss/owner? Maybe that's your DH, though. How about this.....offer to write a letter (to start with) stating that you know the child has been living with them (and surely TONS of people could do this part) for the last five years and they have been taking excellent care of the child, clean, clothed, well fed, attending school regularly, etc. Then DH could say he worked with her and there were issues with her job performance on a fairly regular basis, which can be backed up by YYYY (the owner's name).

I have to say, though, her work performance probably won't play into it too much because she can always say she'll get another job away from booze, etc. What SHOULD play a bigger part is that for five years they have provided everything, she's done nothing, not been involved (they need a list of times/dates she did see the child) and been happy to just get paid, take the money and make no effort to see him. Now that money has gotten tight and they need to stop paying her child support for a child she's not supporting, she's suddenly fighting them. They need to have tons of details to make it clear that they do it all and she's not around except to get $. I don't know how old the child is, but if he's old enough, the judge could speak to him to verify that Mom is never around, doesn't buy him anything, etc.

I wish them luck.

 

[featherfinder]

I never knew that about canada. Hmmm... That would make the decision a little bit tougher. Another thing is (well not sure if this is the same in canada but) She has to be able to provide a stable enviornment for him and a safe one to. If there is proof of all these guys being there and her drinking all the time and drugs then that would help. Maybe even getting the baby sitters to testify saying that when she does take him she pawns him off on them to watch so that way she can still go out. One more thing about the US if a child is a part of a divorce or a split from 2 parents like that then when they are 12 they are allowed to make the decision for them selves on who they want to live with ( i had to go threw this) Maybe Canada does this also? Or maybe the age is different or they will think he is old enough.

 

[groundpecker]

I would stay out of it, and mind my own business.

 

[MuranoFarms]

Quote:
Admittedly I'm not in Canada....so take this with a grain of salt. Here is the definition of defamation: Any intentional false communication, either written or spoken, that harms a person's reputation; decreases the respect, regard, or confidence in which a person is held; or induces disparaging, hostile, or disagreeable opinions or feelings against a person.

Key word there is FALSE. Statements that are true go like this: this past Saturday October 15 I worked with (her name here) I saw here drink 7 shots of jack daniels and she drove away after her shift.
Statements you want to avoid saying are: she's a lush, she doesn't care about that kid, she's a loose woman, she's always drunk etc Stick to the facts and she cannot do a thing about it. Back it up with dates and times (as many as he can remember) and details details details! They can also have the social worker at the kids school speak to the child and get a statement for the court.

On a side note....they allow alimony for 5 years in Canada? That's insane!

 

[Carols Clucks]

Is there anyway you can shoot a few "hey we are all having fun at work" videos that show how blasted she is?

It would help prove your side that she is not the stable upright person she would want the court to think she is.

And I would think that extortion, demanding money (child support) in exchange for custody does not look well for her either. AND you could testify that you have seen this child in a loving home for the past few years.

 

[Ema]

my dh spoke to one of his friends who is a policeman in this town, he advised him to stay out of it due to the fact that it will cause him problems, he was told that because he cannot provide dates and times on accounts to her behaviour that it would be overlooked. As I mentioned this is a small town, everyone pretty much knows everyone, and anything you try to keep private, well it just doesn't work. We moved here from a big city 6, almost 7 years ago, and let me tell ya it seems like people know what our next step is before we even know, lol.

The step mom also informed me that they received more court papers on the mom's behalf and that it does not look good for them, so she told me to tell my dh not to worry about it.

Anyhow, in this town we have 2 bars they are both located int he same area right across from each other. The bosses allow employees to drik while working but not get drunk, none of which follow the rules except my dh who actually doesn't drink at all, ever, not even during holidays or special occassions.

Anyhow when she was confronted on her constant behaviour at work by the bosses she got peeved and quit, went to work at the other bar and it wasn't long afterwards she got fired from there.

My hubby's bosses will not get involved, and other employees won't either. They pretty much wan tto stay as far away from anything to do with her as they can. You see we haven't lived here all of our lives and these people have and they know everything there is to know about her, so that tells me 2 things, either it says a lot about staying far far away from her, or it tells me everyone is a big fat chicken, (no ill intentions meant towards all feathery chickens out there).

As far as Alimony, I am not really sure how it works in Canada, never looked into it, lol,

Anyhow I told the step mom she can obviously prove she has taken good care of the child and that she has provided everything he needs and more, and they can prove she wasn't really there for her own son. Anyhow, I think it will be one of those times where my dh will need to regretfully stay out of it.

Ema