Need an ear, and maybe some relationship advice.

[chickened]

Stepping outside your comfort zone is terrifying. I would not leap into anything but get out and do things that you like and if he wants to go fine if he wants to stay home fine. Ask yourself this question "Do I want to spend the rest of my life with this person?" I think you already know the answer to that but need the courage to act upon it and that will come by spending time with other people.

Your trip to California sounds like a nice idea.

 

[sheaviance1]

One of the best pieces of advice I have ever been given about a relationship was this: "When you choose a partner for life, be sure to choose someone that you love to talk to. Some day, that is all you will have left to give each other."

Picture your life with him ten years down the road. Are you going to be content going everywhere and doing everything alone? Are you going to be happy being a married, single parent? Are you willing to make every hard decision you should make as a couple on your own? When you need him for moral support, are you going to be happy when he doesn't recognize your need and doesn't step up?

Let me tell you from personal experience, it is EXHAUSTING to love someone more that you receive in return.

 

[Animalian]

Quote:
I haven't dated anyone else, I had never even been hit on by anyone else. When I've talked to him about it before he's said that he "wished I had had boufriends before him so I'd realise he wasn't that bad" in my head, I'm thinking that's irrelevant! Why should I have to settle or 'not that bad'!
He had 7 'girlfriends' before me dated one for three months, all they did was talk on the phone and kiss once and all the other he never saw enough (familiar eh?) so they dumped him...
When we've kinda broken up before I've said what I've wanted to change, its ok for a a week or two, then back to the way it was. The idea of a new guy freaks me out too..

Quote:
..just like his dad.

 

[Animalian]

Quote:
moral support one hit hard... I remember hugging my dog for two hours sobbing before she was put down, he sat next to me, ignoring me... playing his nintendo DS....
It's exhausting having the love build up and having it torn down again constantly. Over and over. I feel like I think this way every few weeks. The years have flown by too fast and I have gotten in way too deep. I think that's also what scares me.

 

[Nonny]

As someone who is waiting on divorce papers in the mail... I can tell you it's far easier to admit a relationship is going nowhere BEFORE you get married, build a house and have a baby together, and a broken engagement hurts far far less than a broken marriage, as it is also easier to recover from. It took my ex and I 10 years to figure that out, and I feel it was 10 years that we stole from each others lives.

If I had my time again, I'd make sure I was marrying someone I not only loved, but also respected and valued, and who loved, respected and valued me as well. Reading your post above, it seems this is an ingredient lacking in your relationship.

 

[sheaviance1]

Quote:
moral support one hit hard... I remember hugging my dog for two hours sobbing before she was put down, he sat next to me, ignoring me... playing his nintendo DS....
It's exhausting having the love build up and having it torn down again constantly. Over and over. I feel like I think this way every few weeks. The years have flown by too fast and I have gotten in way too deep. I think that's also what scares me.

It sounds as though your fear is keeping you in this relationship, and not your love for him.

 

[Nicola]

It sounds to me, like his behavior isn't going to change at all, and that you are just going to be exhausting yourself trying to get him to change, or trying to get him to see what he is/isn't doing.

IMO i think that you should have a break, and possibly start seeing other people, there is someone better out there who is meant for you

 

[mommyofthreewithchicks]

Oh Hun while planning a wedding, a life together you should be walking on air! Sounds like you both have changed and perhaps not in the same direction. If this were me I would be taking a step backwards... I don't say that lightly but marriage is or should be a LIfetime commitment. If there are any doubts you owe it to yourself and your partner to step back and at least really look at the relationship.

I tell you what my hubby and I met when I was eighteen and trust me we have changed a LOT but together. Life is rough and couples need to rely on eachother if you can't do that now when it is not rough... Well reevaluate. I am not saying that relationships don't have bumps in the road we all have reevaluate moments and sometimes that is looking within ourselves for our faults and trying to change ourselves to be better people. But don't change for someone else and really I don't think you want to have a partner "change" for you. We should find the person to love who doesn't need to change a thing.


Good luck!

 

[Animalian]

I'm so... freaking... confused...

it's 12.23am, can't sleep because it's knawing away at me. I've been crying for the past two hours while talking to a close friend online and getting 'outside' opinions from you guys... Even my dog is starting to look concerned.

 

[chickensioux]

Do not marry this man.