Need an ear, and maybe some relationship advice.

[trailchick]

Ok, looks like you have "hit the nail on the head" as we say here. You have a whole month to work on letting go. Start examining your self instead of looking at him and his faults.
Do you have a way to look your old friends up on the internet? We have classmates.com, yourlife.com, and there is always networking with others that knew the both of you. If you both had the same interests, maybe a social outlet or club, association close by that can lead you to them, & if not there may be new friends there that can help you like they did.
We also say "Even bad events are a blessing" "There is something good out it". IT will probably happen when you have let go & arent looking for it.
Good Luck & we are rootin' for ya!!.

 

[Animalian]

I am still friends with my high school mates. I'd seen people get boyfriends, abandon their friends then come crawling back. SO I made a concious effort not to.

I have the 'group' I hung out with of about 5 people, and 2 from church around the same time.

The one I am mainly talking to about it is the girl who introduced us, she went to school with him since year 7, friends since year 8. Friends with me a church since year 9. She was even one of his 'never seen' girlfriends (so she doesn't actually count him as an ex!) So she can relate and is also a very rational person.

I also have a lot of friends from my old work, they are a lot like me but quite a few are young in a long relationship too. They all think it's weird how we don't see each other much.

I'm asking everyone who won't spread the word basically. The work mates are completely cut off, and the mutual friend is highly trustworthy... won't tell anybody anything (it's annoying sometimes) She did bring it up with my BF best friend who is her best guy friend, and even he thinks our relationship is weird and surprised I'm still around.

 

[BusyBlonde]

I agree with many of the previous posts, due to my own experiences. I met my ex-H when I lived in my former hometown. He was wonderful when we lived there, but had committed to moving back to the area his family lived when his lease was up in a year. I was really young, and he much more worldly than I. He asked me to move with him, near his family, and I did.

Long story short, I was cut off from all of my family and friends. I tried really hard to 'make him happy', and he couldn't care less about my feelings. He admitted to even pushing my buttons to see what reactions he could get. A month before my wedding, I confessed my misgivings to my boss, one of the few real friends I had there. She told me to listen to my gut feelings - even though the wedding was so close, GET OUT. I did not.

I lived in a sham of a marriage for 9 years, with one 9-month separation where he convinced me he had changed so I went back. After all the emotional distance and emotional abuse, I could never find a way to trust him again. We were officially divorced near our 10-year anniversary.

Four years later, I met a man who was much different and 'not' they type many thought I would ever be with. We have been together 7 wonderful years, and I cannot believe I wasted so much of my life with a man who treated my feelings as though they didn't matter. He supports me in all that I do, it is not all one-sided. You deserve SOOO much more than what you're getting now. I know it's hard to leave a situation you've been in 1/3 of your life. I know, it's scary getting out there and meeting new people that you *might* be interested in. I know possible rejection from those people is painful. But you will never know the happiness that is out there for you if you don't go for it. You will never be happy in your current relationship. He won't change. You deserve someone who treats you like the wonderful person you are, who makes you feel special and wanted. Please do it - don't spend the next 10 years wishing you could have changed things earlier. The past is the past, and the future is your gift to yourself.

Good luck!

 

[trailchick]

It is good you have kept relationships with friends-they're the family you get to pick....
It is easy for all of us to tell you to move on, but it will not be easy & letting go may take a very long time (days, months years- hopefully not decades).
Yes, I think that you are having trouble letting go, & it will be like the trouble others have with quitting cigarettes.
You may be addicted to this relationship. This guy is your cigarette, your jones, we call it a jones here.

You will have to work on that alot until one day you will wake up, and you will laugh that you were so hung up on it...
Hang in there

 

[Orchid]

It sounds to me like you have everything invested in this relationship, while he has almost nothing.

For a marriage to work, you both have to give 100%. Some days you'll give 90% and he'll give 110%, some days it will be other other way around, but you have to be equally invested for it to work.

 

[WingingIt]

You can't change him, only he can.

If you do decide to move on, do not look at it as wasting your time. You spent that time learning about yourself and what you want and NEED in a partner, which will ensure you get it in the future. That is a great thing and in no way a waste of effort.

 

[Duramaxgirl]

Run don't walk from a man like that!
I've known a few gamers in my life... they don't change! I'm lucky to be married to someone who could care less about games... I on the other hand love board/card games
Marriage is so hard! So finding someone compatible with you is a must! Just so you can weather the storms life throughs at you together. We're nearing our 10th anniversary and it hasn't always been fun or easy. And we have the same faith where raised in the same faith/standards and in the same school programe! We also have always lived in the same state only 40 miles apart, although we never met till I was 16. You couldn't get more compatible then DH and me. And life is still hard.
If I where you: I would be single for a while and wait to see what comes your way, enjoy your animals enjoy life single! So many young people miss out being single in their rush for love. I wish I would of been single/free longer....
I think the trip your going on sounds fun!

 

[Rusty Hills Farm]

maybe I'm just being a scared crazy girl...

Nope. That's just your gut telling you this guy will never give you anything more than what you're getting right now. He's so far into the made-up world of gaming that he doesn't notice or care about the real world. That stuff is addictive, just like drugs or booze. This is NO formula for a happy life for you. Don't waste any more time on this heart-breaker. Get out and meet people. There is a whole WORLD out here. You do not have to settle for this self-absorbed loser.

I've spent more than 40 years with my partner. It's lasted so long because we BOTH want it enough to work at making it last. Don't settle for less.

JMO


Rusty​

 

[LegginMF12]

You are obviously not happy. You only get one go round on earth and DESERVE to be happy. Do not stay in a relationship because you are afraid to fly. I did that and wasted 11 yrs of my life. Ask yourself "Do I want to spend the next 6 months, 2 years, 20 years like this"? I finally made the break and finally found my man. It took me 35 yrs to find him and it was worth the wait. Continue to join clubs and engage in activities that are related to the things you like to do. You will make new friends and meet new people that will make you a much happier person. Good luck with your decisions and "Welcome to California" (for when you get here)

 

[Moabite]

Males that set around playing video games all day are a dime a dozen. He obviously isn't ready, you should keep your options open until you are like 27 or older. That's my 2 cents. But matters of the heart are seldom solved with logic.