Well I'm back from America. With great news! I got OFFERED a job over there! No more office job for me!!! CONSERVATION WORK FTW!!!!
So if everything goes to plan I'll be moving there in May!
As for the relationship. I really found myself while I was away, I didn't even realise I was lost!!!! I feel stronger from that knowledge. Even my friends noticed I was happier and more confident when I came home "like I was three years ago" they said! I'm so pumped that I know what I want now and where I am going in life!!!
One of the final straws was that my 9yr old cockatiel who has been sick and fighting for the past year died, he said "that sucks", while the people who I had met in america and had known for only 1 1/2 weeks talked through things with me, hugged me, and then tried to cheer me up being silly and putting on movies once I'd calmed down a bit. He knew what that bird meant to me, but reacted that same as when my dog got put down....
The break up is going slowly, but peacefully. He sent me roses when I first got home after I said I wanted a little space (to plan what to say to him), then he insisted on texting and emailing to find out what was wrong. Which was kind of good because I got to 'say/explain' everything properly, being able to write and re-read to make sure I was clear and reasonable. Let's be clear I'm not dumping him by text! But most of our relationship has been by text and computer... I plan to give the 'final word/talk' in person.
I think he's starting to accept what is happening and there is nothing he can do to change how I feel. Like last night he stopped at my house and left all the photos he had of us on his wall , a field guide I left at his house and all the significant presents I ever bought him on my doorstep and left. Then he sent me a message saying "I thought you'd like your book (the field guide) back".
After some more texting he has said "I will get you back". He won't, I'm too sure now.
Today he was having issues at work, texted me about it then apologised for bugging me, saying he was just used to texting me about that stuff. I just said it's ok because I am still his friend.
He seems to have gone from distraught to just sad, disappointed. I'm sad too that it hasn't worked out, I tried so hard to make it work. Sadly the most awkward thing coming up now is who will change our relationship status on facebook and more importantly, when.
He will always be special to me, I know I'll always love him in some way. But I know now that he's just not the one for me.
