Need an ear, and maybe some relationship advice.

[Animalian]

I am kinda of using this thread to vent a little. I'm sorry. I am 99% sure I am going to leave him now.
I also think this thread will be good to come back to if I ever have a moment of weakness, he's sucking up (like I know he will) and consider going back to him.

Kind of like writing yourself a letter about why you don't want to be with someone. So you don't forget, get back with them and only then realise why you left.

 

[Nicola]

I would say if you are 99% sure, i would do it as soon as possible rather than waiting for "a moment" to arise.

 

[Animalian]

Quote:
I think I may before I go to california. Which will give my time to heal and him to 'get over me' a little (whenever I've broke it off before he gets really clingy and nice and I take him back)California will give me time to accept what happened and re-assess myself. So hopefully when I come back I have gotten rid of the 'emotion cloud' and will see him for what he really is.

 

[Nicola]

Quote:
I think I may before I go to california. Which will give my time to heal and him to 'get over me' a little (whenever I've broke it off before he gets really clingy and nice and I take him back)California will give me time to accept what happened and re-assess myself. So hopefully when I come back I have gotten rid of the 'emotion cloud' and will see him for what he really is.

That does sound like a plan but till then, stick to your guns, start emotionally separating yourself somewhat so the niceties don't start making you doubt your decision.

 

[Royd]

I didn't have time to go through all the pages of advice, but what I saw was that you are brave enough to run all over the world, doing various environmental projects, staying away for weeks or months, at a time, yet you aren't brave enough to say, "See ya, wouldn't want to be ya."

Get on with the project called Life and lose this loser.

BTW. Spending your down time alone isn't the worst thing in the world. Chasing relationships, and trying to keep one alive, which was only meant to last for so long, just because you are scared of being alone, takes far more energy.

 

[EweSheep]

Go to California, girl!!!!!!!! Fly like the wind!

Yep, I agree with above posts, being in a circle. The only relief if you ever married him, would be divorce or death.

Good idea about reviewing these posts as a reminder on your weak moments. At least it keep you sane!

 

[zzGypsy]

Quote:
I think I may before I go to california. Which will give my time to heal and him to 'get over me' a little (whenever I've broke it off before he gets really clingy and nice and I take him back)California will give me time to accept what happened and re-assess myself. So hopefully when I come back I have gotten rid of the 'emotion cloud' and will see him for what he really is.

this sounds like a good plan. and I understand what you mean about leaving yourself a letter... it helps when you get tangled up.

 

[TinyChickenLady]

Quote:
Ditto! You are brave in every other aspect of your life. Now is the time to also be brave with your lack-of-love-life.
I didn't get to read everything either but I agree with Royd.

And you're timing it perfectly. It's best to get over someone by being with yourself, I think. Learn who you are and what you really want. Teach yourself not to settle anymore. You deserve better.

 

[Animalian]

Well I'm back from America. With great news! I got OFFERED a job over there! No more office job for me!!! CONSERVATION WORK FTW!!!!
So if everything goes to plan I'll be moving there in May!

As for the relationship. I really found myself while I was away, I didn't even realise I was lost!!!! I feel stronger from that knowledge. Even my friends noticed I was happier and more confident when I came home "like I was three years ago" they said! I'm so pumped that I know what I want now and where I am going in life!!!

One of the final straws was that my 9yr old cockatiel who has been sick and fighting for the past year died, he said "that sucks", while the people who I had met in america and had known for only 1 1/2 weeks talked through things with me, hugged me, and then tried to cheer me up being silly and putting on movies once I'd calmed down a bit. He knew what that bird meant to me, but reacted that same as when my dog got put down....

The break up is going slowly, but peacefully. He sent me roses when I first got home after I said I wanted a little space (to plan what to say to him), then he insisted on texting and emailing to find out what was wrong. Which was kind of good because I got to 'say/explain' everything properly, being able to write and re-read to make sure I was clear and reasonable. Let's be clear I'm not dumping him by text! But most of our relationship has been by text and computer... I plan to give the 'final word/talk' in person.

I think he's starting to accept what is happening and there is nothing he can do to change how I feel. Like last night he stopped at my house and left all the photos he had of us on his wall , a field guide I left at his house and all the significant presents I ever bought him on my doorstep and left. Then he sent me a message saying "I thought you'd like your book (the field guide) back".

After some more texting he has said "I will get you back". He won't, I'm too sure now.

Today he was having issues at work, texted me about it then apologised for bugging me, saying he was just used to texting me about that stuff. I just said it's ok because I am still his friend.

He seems to have gone from distraught to just sad, disappointed. I'm sad too that it hasn't worked out, I tried so hard to make it work. Sadly the most awkward thing coming up now is who will change our relationship status on facebook and more importantly, when.

He will always be special to me, I know I'll always love him in some way. But I know now that he's just not the one for me.

 

[EweSheep]

Welcome to USA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Glad you decided to part ways. At least he knows what hit him on the way out! Yes, just keep that "special" moment in your mind and shelve it away down to the "Experience" section. Take it out if you meet another guy similar to him LOL!

Most of all, I'm PROUD of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Happy all the way to CA!