Need another persons opinion.

[suzyq53511]

i found my birth mother a couple years of ago and we have bonded. But she keeps saying I love you and I dont really want to say it back. Honestly shes not really my mother. I just don't know how to tell her that without hurting her feelings..... Shes a little eccentric. Shes a libertarian. She runs for senate seats in tenn. She seems to have straightened her act out.

 

[theoldchick]

Just because she gave birth to you does not mean you have to love her. I never bothered to find my birth mother (found out I was adopted when I was 37). Didn't care to and was way too expensive. You can't replace those lost years but you can create new memories. Respect who she is and let her know how you feel.

 

[chicmom]

Suzy, go with your heart. If you're not ready, you're not ready. And that's good to admit--"I love you" are three words that shouldn't be taken lightly. Just say thank you for now. Maybe one day you'll love her......ya never know!

 

[TyrannosaurusChix]

if you want my advice, just keep doing what youre doing. Putting it out there that youre not ready or that you view the other as your mom is a recipe for disaster. Coming from experience. Your bio mom could act like nothing is wrong, or say that she knows all of this, but there is no way not to hurt feelings. Sometimes saying how you feel when already known or guessed is still a fresh spear to the heart.

 

[suzyq53511]

Thanks for all the great advice. You guys said exactly what my mom (adoptive mom) said. I love her like shes blood. We use to have a toxic relationship but its better now and I am happy about that. It is nice having 2 moms though!!! LOL

 

[wildeflowers]

What does being libertarian have to do with it? LOL I'm not giving you a hard time, really, it just seemed like a funny statement.

She gave birth to you so it is MUCH easier for her to feel/say it, I think. If I had given up my children for adoption, I'm sure I would not stop loving them. But you don't even KNOW her. You can't possibly have the same sort of feelings. You were an infant, so don't have the knowledge or memories that she does. That's ok. If in time, your love for her grows, then you say it. If not, don't worry about it.

I think she probably just wants you to know that though she had to give you up, her love for you remained. Which is pretty awesome, if you think about it.

 

[PineappleMama]

Quote:
Hey now, I resemble that remark.

Me personally, I think it's better the way you're doing things... so that someday when you do really feel the love and say so she will know you really mean it... that you aren't just regurgitating what she wants to hear. But, that's just me... eccentric that I am.