Need Prayers, Need Advice... *Kind of Long*

[Iowa Roo Mom]

*I apologize in advance for the semi-long rant... I would like to preface this with the fact that I truly am thankful that I have a job. I know there are plenty of people out there still suffering with the economy the way it is, and still plenty of people out there who are unemployed. My SO was one of those people from November of '10 'till March of '11, and even then he took about a $6/hr pay cut. *

But anyways, here goes...

I'm pretty sure in the 7 years I have been doing this job, I have never, ever let it bring me to tears... Not the paitents' situations, because I will freely admit to crying with a new mother who just lost their baby or taking my work home and sobbing into my pillow, I've done that... I mean the "job" it's self. Well, it happened tonight.

You see, this hospital has been on a downward spiral for a long time. My job started going downhill when they pulled me from my ER tech line (which I loved) and stuck me in Med/Surg Tele hell. The icing on the crap cupcake was when the for-profit company bought us out. Since then they have laid off well over 100 people, cut staffing to the bare bones, and morale has tanked.

Everyone is out to stab everyone else in the back. I remember a day when I started here (on Med/Surg before I went to ER) and I actually liked coming to work. Back then everyone helped everyone, you looked out for your own, especially on nights. Now, it's totally different, that is not the case at all. There is no time to help anyone else when you're so busy trying to get your own stuff done. We don't have enough help. We're bare bones. It has truly become all about the almighty dollar here. And who suffers in all of this? The patients.

I don't come to work to make money. I come to work to help the patients. I don't feel like I can do that anymore.

I don't like the person it has made me. I am 100% my old self, except on the nights before and the afternoon of the day I work. I dread it. I hate it. It makes me physically ill sometimes.

Tonight it made me cry. I just laid in the bed next to Chris and cried. I am so lucky to have that man, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He dried my tears. He held me. He told me it would be ok.

I know it will be ok, I know it's only 12 hours. I know all of that... so why do I hate it so much?

I know most of you are thinking, "So why not just quit?" Well, because a few years ago, while I was working ER, before things got bad, I did their tuition assistance. I asked them for money to help pay for my education, and they gave it to me on the condition that I work for them for 2 years after I graduate. I won't graduate 'till May of 2013. That doesn't put me out of here until (roughly) in the spring of 2015. Unless I can come up with $5,000.

And then I can't help but think of the horrible way they treated my SO. To make a long story short, they fired him for something that many, many other people have done before him (medication error) and many, many people have and will do after him, but NO ONE else was fired for. He went through "fair treatment" (non-union) and won, got his job back, but was fired again two days before his 90 day probation period was up because of a "documentation error". He could have fought through "fair treatment" again, could have gotten his job back again, but he was so tired of having a target on his back that he just gave up. It was 5 months before he found work again, and he hasn't worked since as a Paramedic. He is currently employed (and thankful for it) at Wal-Mart.

To top it off I had my first patient complaint in 7 years. My boss called me to talk about it today. (I did apologize to the patient the night the incident happened, and apologized to my boss today) When I hung up the phone, rather than feel sorry for what I had done, I took the mindset of, "Well, I have apologized, what more do they want? I'm not kissing anyone's backside. I bust my hump most nights for these people and rarley get thanked, instead I'm getting critisized. You know what? My give-a-darn is busted, I just don't care anymore."

I would just like to close with the fact that I am so blessed in so many other ways, I hate to sound like a whiner. I have awesome friends, I have the best man who stands beside me in everything I do and supports me more than 100%, and I have a pretty awesome family, both mine and his. I just needed to vent about this, because I don't like the person I am becoming.

*sigh* I've been praying about this, I just feel like right now I could use some extra praying power. Thanks a bunch, and any advice would be appreciated.

 

[punk-a-doodle]

Wow, I am so sorry you are feeling so trapped and down. I understand completely how much stress and how crappy a job that should be rewarding can be as a result of the way it is managed and what priorities are forced. It's even worse because you know how good and supportive it can and should be. I hope someone may be able to help you with the contract and payment before you. I am so happy though that you have such a supportive and loving person to help you through this. I really hate seeing good people being treated like fodder...or any people really!

 

[Elite Silkies]

Is it possible to get a pell grant, direct loan, subsidized loan, or any type of loan to pay them back? It's tough enough getting through Nursing School without having to hate your job.

I'm lucky to not have to work while I am going to Nursing School, shoot I'm not even sure I could manage a job with 3 kids still at home and all of my daily chores.

Good luck to you, and I hope for a good outcome.

 

[redhen]

I "think" i know how you may feel. I worked as a CNA for many years(15+ years) and at the end i felt the same way as you are describing.
I still mostly liked the residents, but it was just all the other BS that went along with the job and the company itself, and how they treated us. Us, the ones who MADE their company off our backs and hard work. And we got no appreciation at all.
I have had enough. I dont think i will ever work in health care again ,if i can help it. You really do get treated like crap.
And you must also be feeling trapped.... no way i would like that at all! Can you take out a personal loan from a bank?? Lifes too short to be trapped and cry when you have to have to go to work.

 

[mulewagon]

My SIL worked at a hospital - it just about killed her. She was constantly sick both from the exposure to germs and the stress. The admins treated the folks on the front lines like dirt...

So if you can line up a better job, what can they do to you? I would consult a lawyer (they'll give you a free consultation to tell what they can do for you). Perhaps you could get a payment plan. After all, they can't shoot you, and they can't lock you in the basement! Just find out on what terms you could pay the debt.

(Come to think of it, my SIL is back at WalMart too!)

 

[debilorrah]

Quote:
CNA's have the most thankless job on this planet.

Terrah I am so sorry you are going through this STILL!!!! I have no solution, just know I am praying for you.

 

[turney31]

prayers!

 

[sfw2]

and

for you, IRM. I know how it feels to dread going to work, each day. I'm sure being trapped in that job just makes it worse.

 

[MamaRoo]

It's horrible being in a job like that. I'm in a similar situation in that I love what I do, but I hate where I do it. Two things have helped me cope, the lesser of which is exercise. I go for very long (8 mile) walks that wear me out and release some endorphins so everything just seems a bit less important. The other thing I did was find something that made me feel in control of my life again. For me, that was going back to school (while still employed). I'm working towards a goal that will get me out of that place, and that also makes it easier to deal with.

Is there anything you can do that will give you back control? Raise more veggies so you feel like you could eventually reduce hours, if you needed to.

Volunteer somewhere that might eventually employ you.

Start saving $5 a week so you could pay them back, if you had to.

Get a second job of just a few hours a week doing something you love, or even just something distracting. Save the few extra bucks towards tuition.

I know about the time crunch, but if you could find something that lowers your stress, it might be worth it.

 

[Whispering Winds]

I don't know what to say. What you are dealing with is rampant in this country, and there is absolutely no excuse for it. It trickled down to the care and well-being of the patient, and that is when the tragedies start. My BIL is in the nursing home, which is part of our hospital . . .the care there is absolutely horrid. Patients are dying like flies because of cut backs and simply not enough help . . .its all about the money; my sister pays cash for him, over $4000 a month . . .he fell out of his wheel chair 2 weeks ago, broke his nose, wrist and had contusions and abrasions. Took him up to the ER, sent him back down. My sister told DH that she thought he really needed to be in the hospital for observation, because he was hurt. The next morning the new doctor in town, who is wonderful, talked to her and said he was aware that she wasn't happy with the treatment that her husband was getting. When Dr. H SAW BIL, he was horrified and sent him back to the ER. ER looked him over again (didn't put a thing on the broken wrist first night he was up there, not even a wrap) and sent HIM BACK DOWN TO THE NURSING HOME. I guess Dr. H ordered blood work and 2 numbers came back funky. When the hospital called him and told him the results of the blood work and he found out that ER had sent him back to the nursing home instead of admitting him to the hospital, he hit the roof and told them to get him back up there and ADMIT HIM. Do you know WHY they didn't want to admit him? Because medicare will pay for his care in the nursing home for the next 180 days since he was admitted to the hospital. . .so they won't come close to the $4000 a month my sister has been paying . . .my DH is sick over it. He said its sin and a shame that our country has become this way, that its all boiled down to the almighty dollar . . .and I feel so badly for you because of the stress it is taking on you because of the same situation. There are good people in every hospital, but because of the higher ups and their need for greed the good ones are shoved by the wayside and made to pay for everyone else's incompetence. Such a bad deal, and should not be allowed in a country such as this. (the waste is simply horrible, no wonder it costs so much to stay in a hospital . . .we pay for the waste)

I know that $5000 is a worry, but if you get good tax returns, or have access to a little extra here and there, I would start saving back as much as I could because your health is going be taxed if you can't find peace. The hospital I was talking about has the same program, but you h ave to work for them for 2 years, UNLESS they don't have a spot for you in which you are certified, then you are "forgiven" and can take a job elsewhere.

I worked in a school cafeteria for 16 years, best job a working mom can have and i loved it, but a woman they hired to be our boss, (which I was, but a farmer's kid got in trouble and he blamed me and the other two cooks that retired and since I was left he chose to have me booted from the head cooks job . . .long story, and no big deal, because you didn't get paid extra for doing all the paperwork) turned out to be the meanest most spiteful person I ever met . . .and I had went to school with her and was GOOD friends with her for years . . . but you give certain people a title or position and they turn into the world's biggest you-know-what, and she did. She talked terrible about people, nosed into their business, told lies on me and the other girl that worked in there was just GREAT . . .and I quit. I couldn't take it anymore and cried and cried and cried every Monday morning when it would start all over again. DH wasn't quite as understanding as your SO, because he is one to stand up and take care of the problem and get on with it, because he worked at a power plant, and they simply had rules and regulations that no one disputed, so their problems were solved fairly quickly. But when only THREE people are in a unit, and NO ONE with authority wanted to confront the offending member and "take care of it" we were really at her mercy . . .sad thing was she quit same year I did, as she cleaned houses on the side and said "she could make more money cleaning houses than she ever did working at school." Too late for me to retrack and come back . . .already had my replacement in line . . .


You just hang in there, take care of #1 and it will work out . . .most everyone of us who has worked outside the home has dealt with some of the same issues. I just think its a sin and shame that its in the medical field which can be crucial to the well being of patients. Get you some good complex B vitamins too, good for the nerves, and don't forget to take your can of whup-*** to work with you every night too. . .never hurts to let them know you are ready for action!!!!