Need some information to give to my cousin searching for home ASAP!!

[crtrlovr]

Are the paintings just lying around on the floor??? (I'm being sarcastic here...) I'm assuming they're either framed, on easels, or displayed somehow. Why couldn't they be protectively covered & stored, or placed where the kids couldn't have access to them? Again, it sounds like an excuse not to have the responsibility. That's sad for everyone concerned... I hope your Mom is able to come to some kind of resolution; it sounds like she has enough to deal with in her own circumstances without any more added to the pot. I wish you all well.

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

From what I understand, and I got this second hand from my mom, the paintings are in the bedroom that was my cousins dh's childhood room. I am sure there are other bedrooms that could be used, but like you, I feel this is just another excuse to not have to do something he doesn't want to do.

I don't understand why they can't go stay with her mom, since she has 4 of the kids there.

I don't understand why they can't take all 7 kids to her mom's with them during the day (well he would be at work) and care for their own kids and take them back to where ever they need to be for bed at night.

There is NO reason for my mom to have to care for 3 kids 24/7 when their mom is just a block away. No excuse.

If my cousin knew I posted this here, I am sure they would be mad. To be honest, I don't really care anymore. Enough is enough. My mom says she can't plan her days anymore because she has extra kids.

What ticks me off the most is when my mom wants to come out here and says, "I'll ask if she can watch the kids." I replied, "No, you tell her she has to come watch HER OWN KIDS because you have somewhere to go. They are HER kids you don't ask, you tell her!"

 

[Wildsky]

So sad, I wish I had some words of wisdom, those poor kids must be feeling all of this and feeling so unloved by their parents.

 

[debilorrah]

This isn't about how MANY kids there, it has everything to do with them not being taken care of by their parents, and I agree with Wildsky - those poor children have got to be feeling this and I bet they act up a lot. I can offer my opinion but the bottom line is these kids need a stable home - from their parents or someone else.

 

[ams3651]

there may be a 6 month waiting list for government housing, its longer here. But emergency housing shouldnt be that long, even the Red Cross could help find housing if the house is falling down. If they really dont seem to care about the kids I would call child services, tell them the condition their house is in and that they seem to have been abandoned. Your mom would have to be the one to call. It sounds cruel but my boyfriends brother just adopted 3 children who were in a similar situation. They fostered them for 2 years and the mother rarely showed up for visits and finially gave up custody. They are in a better situation now. I have a special needs child and a teenager, I couldnt imagine haveing to take care of even 1 more child. I can relate to the stress you mother must be under and its not healthy. Do you have a free lawyer service in your area you can ask for advice, maybe child services could give advice on the situation, good luck to you all and prayers to those kids.

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

I just wanted to say it was not my intention to talk badly about my cousin. I really want helpful suggestions to reunite them all under one roof so that they aren't dependent on others for help with their kids.

I understand their home is not safe for the kids to be in.
I also understand it can be hard to find a place quickly, especially with such a large family.

 

[The Chicken Lady]

Quote:
This was excellent advice.

In my opinion, the parents need to get their act together before they DESERVE to have their kids back with them. You have to think about what is going to be most beneficial for the kids IN THE LONG RUN. Sure, if they're with their parents, they'll be near them, but will they have (a) adequate food and shelter, (b) clothing, and (c) stablity/rules? Probably not. You'll just be watching the train wreck happen for the next several years.

Please do some research on Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. If the kids' parents can't provide the most basic needs to those kids, it's time to involve the authorities.

 

[ams3651]

If they were put into foster care, they could go back home with their parents when they got themselves back together. It sounds like they are having a tough time and unfortunately there isnt any family available to help. They wouldnt have to worry about things and maybe it would even help them to have people to assist them. Foster care isnt all bad.

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

OK first, I will re-check my posts, but as far as food and clothing goes, they have provided those for their kids.

The ONLY reason the kids are displaced at this time is because the house is falling in. The parents just bought this house a year ago, and bought it as is, which was a mistake on their part. Now the major support beams in the basement of the home are going out and the home could collapse in on themselves at anytime.

My cousin is supposedly trying to find another place to move to. We just feel they are dragging their feet about it.

I feel that since they are in walking distance to the places their kids are they could at least go over during the day and help with meals, baths, schoolwork, bedtime, etc. But they aren't. Supposedly instead they are packing up the house and moving everything to the storage unit they managed to get.

These two aren't lazy, as far as I know. He works during the day, and my mom says my cousin has been packing up the house (my mom went over to look) while her husband is at work.

This week my cousin has to stay at her mom's to take care of the younger kids because Grandma has to work and there has to be someone at the house caring for the kids.

I asked for suggestions to help them find a place so they can take their kids back. My mother said she really doesn't want to call CPS on her, as it isn't my cousins fault that the house is falling in.

If she took the kids to the house they are in now, CPS WOULD take them for having the kids in an unsafe environment.

 

[AngieChick]

The problem with a "tough love" approach in this situation is that the innocent ones are the ones that would pay the most for it (the children). While it's true that there are many wonderful foster homes out there, there are also some scary ones. Also, once those kids are in the system, it could be challenging to get them back out. Can you imagine the feelings of desertion those kids would feel? If any of my cousins' or sibling's children needed care for any reason (even if I was being "taken advantage of") they would have a home with me. There is no way I would put them in the care of people I didn't know. Your mom is to be commended for what she is doing for those children and the she compassion obviously has for them. That being said, she is obviously in a bind financially (and emotionally) caring for them. If it were longer term, your mom could possibly be appointed as a foster parent and get some state aid in caring for them, but that this is a short term problem probably takes that option away. It could be an avenue to consider if the situation continues, though. The parents need to be honest with themselves and everyone else about why it's taking so long to get out of the house. If it's dangerous to work in that could account for a lot of it, but if there is some other reason they need to figure that out. Perhaps she needs a couple of days with a ton of help to get the move over with (like an old fashioned barn raising). Also, if the husband is controlling, she may be getting overloaded with crap from him to take care of. I agree with you that in a perfect world, they would be caring for their kids more at the same time as moving, but there is obviously more going on.

My recommendation would be to work with the wife and set a date (very soon) and gather all healthy bodies available to get a move over and done with. The husband may just need to get over the fact that he may have to live in something less than "perfect" (a mobile home) and the wife may have to be prepared to have him lecture her about it. But, it's time she pull on her big girl pants and take care of her family's needs, not just her hubby's wishes.