Need some information to give to my cousin searching for home ASAP!!

[Quail_Antwerp]

because my mother's sanity depends on it!!

Here's the short story..their house is falling in, literally, and they have seven children. My mom has been caring for the oldest 3 for nearly a month now with little to no involvement from the parents. Youngest 4 are at their grandmothers with little to no involvement from the parents.

My mom still has two children at home, one of which is handicapped. She is really tired, wore out really, from trying to keep up with her own, and now three extra.

The problem is this, the oldest child has been stealing. He stole some Korean Legos that belong to my brother (who is in Germany, just getting back from Iraq) that had never been opened. My mom (and I am too) was/is livid!

Today they were supposed to take the kids for Turkey day (I mean, these are their kids!) so mom and step dad could have their own dinner as a family. We were supposed to go, but I wasn't feeling well. Mom ended up having to call cousin and say, "Look, we are ready to sit down to eat.." Then they came and got the kids. Oldest child is going to stay with an Uncle for a few days now and my mom gets the two girls back tonight.

My mom is soooooooooo frustrated that she has hinted that she might just give the kids over to the county. The parents don't come over to help with meals, get kids ready for bed, do school lessons with them (they are homeschooled), or even make sure that their special needs child is getting her meds. My mom is doing it all!

Now I am really angry over it. My mom has said that she will watch my kids for Dh and I to go out for my birthday this coming week. I said no, that isn't fair to my mom, she already has extra kids. My mom needs a break!

Every suggestion we give to my cousin she and her husband have some excuse as to why they can't do it. Of course, our suggestions make it so that they take their kids.

Supposedly for the last month they have been packing up their house and moving everything to a storage unit. Um, I have packed and moved to a storage unit before, and it only took us a week!

So what I am looking for is alternative housing suggestions that I can give to them. I have already told my mom first chance I get I am telling them off. I for one would be doing what I could to get my kids under the same roof as me, or at least going over to help. They don't even call to check on their kids or to tell them goodnight!!

 

[English Chick]

I think I for one would have to go over to their house just to make sure it is falling in and to see how far they have gotten with the packing up of their belongings.....that should give you an indication of how serious they are in finding somewhere else to live...are they supporting their children in the monetary sense or are they being fed out of your mothers budget?

Give them a list of rental properties available locally....then tell them if they haven't gotten something sorted out in the next ten days you are bringing their children back or would they prefer that the state found the children new homes to live in......

Quite honestly I believe that your mother has quite a lot on her hands already without continually looking after the other children particularly if their parents don't appear to be that interested.

Good luck to you and your mother...she deserves a medal!

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

My mother herself went to see the condition of the house. She said it is really bad. The main beam of the house is cracked right down the middle.

They say they can't afford to rent because they have a mortgage payment on this house. They claim they applied for emergency housing/goverment housing and were told there is a 6 month waiting list.

They won't go stay with his dad, even though there is room, because his deceased mother's paintings are in the house. I find no logic in this.

Supposedly she has been packing things up all month, and just this week they found a storage unit to move it all to.

I am going to get tomorrows paper and start searching local rentals like you said. I will see what I can find.

I know where there is a nice trailer on 15 acres for rent, but because it is a trailer her husband will not live in it.

 

[panner123]

TOUGH LOVE TIME. Tell the parents it is time to pick up the kids. If they are NOT picked up at that time, Child Protective Servies will be called.
I am SORRY if I am wrong, but these parents sound like they are using some form of drugs. Didn't they figure out what caused the birth of a child. After 4 I would think about one or the other getting fixed. Heck they could still have fun without the worry. Or you could tell them it is time to kick in some funds the help out. Pick a figure, me I would put it at $400 per month per head, that is $2800 per month plus medical.
As for the stealing, that child needs help. Spare the rod and spoil the child. My DW was caught smoking once as a teenager by her Father. He opened her bedroom door and turned on a fire extinguisher on her. That was well over 40 years ago and she still doesn't smoke. Today he could be placed in jail for that, but it worked. What works is what counts.

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

The problem isn't that they had a large family, I have five children, and getting broken (fixed as you called it) is a personal choice.

The kids have been through a lot. This is my cousins second marraige, and only the youngest 4 are her husbands. The first 3 are hers from a previous relationship.

They do bring over groceries I guess but that's it. No money is paid for their care.

My husband and I feel that they are just taking advantage of having unlimited childcare and dragging their feet to get anything done because this is the first time they have been alone.

Oh, and I don't think they are on drugs. He works a full time job, is a control freak, and she's too scared to go against what he tells her to do. He expects her to have certain things done before he gets home. I slipped up and said one dumb thing to him once and it resulted in her getting a two hour lecture.

 

[happyheart]

Wow! This actually sounds like a lady know here in Ohio, meaning the whole things with her kids the grandma has some and the aunt has some and she too has 7 children.
Some from one husband and some from another. The grandma is FED up no one wants the state to take the children but you know sometimes things have to happen if only temporary, to get the point across. Your mom is going to have to stand firm and say it;s been long enough something needs to happen here. I have my own family to deal with, I dont need someone elses to take care of.

My sister n law actually lost her her 4 children many years ago to the state after not complying to state orders. Needless to say this has made her a very strong person today. She regrets it everyday but you cant turn back the clocks. Truthfully those children ended up having a great life. They are all very successful today thanks to their adoptive parents.

 

[crtrlovr]

Your cousins are taking advantage of your mom, and she is allowing it. It's time for Mom to put her foot down, tell the cousins to take the responsibility of the children, and if they don't do so immediately, call child welfare services or whatever it's called there. You mention that because an available rental "is a trailer, he won't live in it". He's too proud to live in a mobile home but not too proud to let someone else support and raise his kids? This tells you it's all about him, not about the kids at all. Time for the control freak to get some self-control and man up.

ETA and you mentioned they won't stay with his dad although there is room because of someone's paintings in the house? tell him to close his eyes or look at something else, for pete's sake. This guy is just making excuses (IMO) to keep from retaking the responsibility for his family. It sounds like he's perfectly content to let others care for his children as long as they're willing to do so.

 

[Laskaland]

Call CPS. Explain the whole situation. They will be able to asess the situation and provide proper channels for the family to pursue. If nothing else your mom will then have a bakc-up

Also, if the family has a mortgage, they also have insurance on the house falling apart. Consider suggesting they contact their insurance company who will give them some funding also

God bless your mom for being a good person, but it sounds like she is being taken advantage of.

Christina

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

Quote:
He doesn't want his KIDS in the house with the paintings because he is afraid the kids will mess them up. His mother painted them, and she passed away a couple years ago, so the paintings are more precious than anything. (NOT IMO!)

 

[Quail_Antwerp]

happyheart, I have a gut feeling we are talking about the same family. My mom would be the Aunt.