need to rant

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You are 18, its time to make decisions about where your life is going and stop making excuses. Living with your parents, jobless and not going to school doesn't sound like the best choice for your future or self esteem. Do you have a man in mind that you wish to marry and become a homemaker?

Hate to jump on a bandwagon, but that was really well put. I seriously consider everything that is happening in your life to be my life three years ago. 18 and stuck by my own cages. And man do I hate it even now when my mom tells me I need to 'Step back and see the big picture' ugh, but its so true.

From the outside looking in, I know what I did in your situation and now I know what I WOULD do. Swallow your pride, I know it hurts but it doesnt make you any less of a lion. Hard lesson, but sit down with your mom and talk to her. Don't be critical be open and express yourself even if you get emotional make sure you express yourself in a way that is beneficial and not hurtful to your goal, doing what you want to do with your mother's approval.

My mom has NEVER given praise, only criticisms. I know exactly almost to the T what you're going through and really I just wanna give you big hugs and big girl pat on the back. You've got your period girl, time to man up and use it. Not in a sexy way, not what I meant.... *cough cough* Anyway it really comes down to the big 18, make your own way even when its a hard lesson I find its the best lesson.
 
I'm well past 18 and I still ride a bike to work at least a couple days a week. And we're not talking just down the block either.

I don't know your situation i.e. close to a city, out in the boondocks, etc... But legs or 2 wheels will get you to where you need to go. Everyone reaches a point where they need to suck it up and go make things happen for themselves. Try to get a job. Save money for better transportation and work up from there. Eventually after working enough cruddy jobs you may reconsider college. Let's face it without a degree most people get stuck in rotten jobs.

In life there are 2 kinds of people.
Those that talk about doing something and those that do something.
 
Who is going to college, you or your mom? Sounds like she is the one looking for programs instead of you. Maybe you should start looking for programs that interest you. A good suggestion was made about a avian vet since you like chickens. Are you even interested in a college math program? A man to love will solve nothing. Unfortunately usually causes more problems. Work on yourself first so you can stand on you own two feed without help. Having someone to love & love you is great but it doesn't fix problems. You want to get a job......so go get one. I have worked jobs since I was 12. I have done everything from helping on a farm, to errands to babysitting to factory work to construction work on roads. I didn't have anyone to drive me around either for a drivers license when I hit 18 but I had saved money and bought a car anyway. Taught myself to drive and I have driven all over this country and in several others. You need a way to work....walking, riding a bike, or carpooling works. I have done the riding a bike and carpooling when I was your age and the car broke down. Walked when jobs were close enough and for me a mile was a walk. You want out of the house......look at your options. One way out and it includes a job, even if it isn't for everyone, is military service. I will say this though, if you want to also get a education at the same time go Air Force or Navy. I went Army and while it was a decision I will never regret (I actually miss it) there was not a lot of time for any college education. That came after service. There are options out there but you have to look for them and you have to make them happen. Welcome to budding adulthood. Like I told my son who was always I wish I was 18 and out of school, not so much fun when you are an adult and instead of school it is work every day and adult responsibilities. Life is NOT always greener on the other side. You must do for yourself because no one in this life gives handouts for free or without strings attached. I wish you the best and hope you listen to what some have written on here. There is some really good advice.
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Thank you all for your advice.
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I think yesterday was just a really bad day for both me and my mom, and things just built up to where it all exploded. My first post kind of made my mom seem like the big bad guy, but really she's not. Frustration drives us to do strange and often foolish things I've found.

However, I do appreciate what you all have said -- and even though I made it sound like I need out NOW, really I don't want to get out NOW. I think sometimes I need to keep my mouth shut...
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College is still in the back of my mind. I love animals and science, and I have often considered being a vet, whether avian or large animal I don't know. There seems to be a real shortage of vets specializing in large animals around here.

I know that a man will not solve my problems. I've seen so many marriages that ended up shattered because of issues on the inside. But yes, I do have a man in mind for the future.
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Jobs. Oh dear.. I sounded so desperate in my post! Where's that blushing smiley...
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First, where we live is 6 miles from the closest town. And those 6 miles include going over what we call the Mountain. So I'm afraid biking/walking/public transport is out of the question for me. And I guess you'd call our area out in the boonies in a way. Not too much though.

Be all that as it may, you guys really encouraged me. I have felt a little like a coward with not applying for any jobs. I've got 2 applications at the moment, but I haven't turned them in. I think I just need to face it that I am an adult (ok.. in 1 1/2 months...
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) and need to start some serious planning for my future.

I felt really bad last night about some of the things I said to my mom... that were not nice at all. Consequently I slept horrible. I apologized this morning, and she said that if she gripes at me a lot, it's because she misses having me around. She said that she wasn't having a good day yesterday either, so we both had short tempers.
 
Hey, we all have bad days where we rant. That doesn't go away with age and experience. It also isn't easy as a mom for our kids to grow up. I have a 19yo son so I am speaking from experience in the moment. I will say this there is a extreme shortage of large animal vets throughout the country. The schooling is intense but if you really love animals you would have 4 years of regular college to help you determine if you want to continue to vet school. Your best bet is to actually go to a college and speak with a counselor. They really help figure out where your strengths are and define what you want to do. The first two years of any school unless its a tech school is general education courses. Good Luck to you with all you want to do in life.
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Have you thought about joining the military? or the conservation corps in your area??
Those would both give you a job, get you out of the house and money that can be set aside for your education if you choose to go there after some time.
You can go into the reserves, be on active reserve or even the coast guard or civil air patrol.
SOmetimes distance can make the heart grow fonder between moms and daughters. it has worked for my mom and I.

ALso keep putting the ball in your mom's court... when she asks you what your opinion is of a math program, reply with a question.
"Do you want my honest opinion?, or am I just a sounding board for you?"
Ask for a set of chores that you should be responsible for, and do them. Don't expect praise, its part of living with a family and being a contributing member
of a household.
When your mom does ask your opinion about something, put it in writing and hand it to her with a smile. Then leave it alone. IF she reads it, and then thanks you..
IF not then you have done what was asked of you and if she chooses not to... that is not your problem.

Teens and parents and grown ups who are close to each other can push each others buttons. They are good at it, and do it and sometimes don't even realize they are doing it.

Hope this helps
Carol
 
I think you need to figure out how to bike over that mountain, both in truth and metaphorically. You and your mother are both putting up road blocks in your path to independence. Your mom likes having you help manage her home and children, and probably relies on you more than she should...it's her decision to home school, and she should be the one to determine curriculum. If your mom doesn't like how you housekeep, she either needs to show you exactly what she expects and how she wants it done, or live with the way you do it. On the other hand, six miles, even over a mountain, isn't that far. There are all kinds of job opportunities that may open up if you are flexible and can find your way. Work, save and move out. There are also wonderful things called college loans, that can help immensely.

I didn't get my driver's license until I was twenty-one, but I had my first regular job at 12. As a teenager I weeded and did farm chores, babysat, did house cleaning, worked at a pizza joint, worked at an art gallery, worked summer jobs with two city government agencies, and did other odd jobs. When I was in college, I worked in the college theater. All of these jobs were done without any transportation other than my bike, my feet or a bus. My dh regularly bikes to work...12 miles each way, and in the summer here in Texas, at temperature at 100+.

With fall coming (or there in New York) there will be odd jobs like leaf raking, snow shoveling, and other things. Depending where you are fruit harvesting might be a seasonal job to, or working at a pick your own orchard.

You shouldn't be sitting at home waiting for life come to you, you should to go out and find the life you want.
 
Wow! There's alot going on here. But truthfully, your best bet is communication with your mom. You cannot change her, remember that. Also, I left home at 19 and didn't go to college right away. Big mistake. I wish I had gone to college because now, no one wants to hire someone without a college education. Go to college and get that education!!!! Whatever it is!!!! And even if you have a particular man in mind, who knows how many choices you might have when you are at college?! Most colleges require freshmen to live on campus the first year, I think. Odd jobs, great for quick cash, but won't last a lifetime. Hang in there, you are not alone!!!
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You are young and attractive with a good head on your shoulders and should have no trouble finding a good man to take care of you that is the way my wife did it and we are going on 23 years. She is a stay at home mom of 2 boys and loves it.
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