**NEW QUESTION PG. 12** Autism: Yes, you may ask my opinion!

[ursusarctosana]

Quote:
I like the way you put this. There is a stigma, I think, that people with low functioning autism are mentally retarded. Time and time again this has been proven false. While some may be impaired I believe it is the neurological structure that causes people to have different experiences with their own bodies. For example a person may rock uncontrollably or have ticks so people assume they are MR. At the same time a person may have certain aptitudes and come across as uber intelligent and this may mask the difficulty they experience form having autism. These two situations are so hard to explain to people. They just don't understand how someone can look MR, but be brilliant. They just don't understand how someone can be beautiful/handsome and intelligent AND have a developmental disability at the same time. I've learned that some people handle their agony better than others. One person may roll on the floor and spit and scream while another clams up and sits there for twelve hours without talking to anyone. The pain is subjective so no one on the outside can see it--unless they know the signs.

It should not be a matter of comparing features, since we are all individuals no matter what, but that the symptoms of autism limit an individual's ability to function consistently. Being unable to function consistently causes a person to not be able to hold a job. A person with autism may have a good day and then have a bad day. A good moment and then a bad moment. They may never know what the next moment holds. They may tell people exactly what they would do in a given situation, coming up with a bright answer, but when faced with the actual situation they cannot handle it.

People will wonder what happened, why the person with autism could not handle it. They do not understand this. They don't have to understand.

 

[ursusarctosana]

I have WHAT in my yard? :

Thank you all for this conversation that you are allowing the rest of us to eavesdrop on! The autism spectrum disorders fascinate me because I have always felt that there have been many famous people who made great contributions to society who were accepted as being "eccentric".

Yes, there are great things that can be offered to children now, and in some cases there are wonderful therapies that can be given, which is miles beyond removing children. BUT, I also think slapping a label on some spectrum disorders may give people the impression that the person is limited. I truly have found autistic students to be amazing thinkers. I really enjoy the way their minds work and I am more than willing to accept the "quirks".

But, tell me what you think of this theory: A student told me that he thinks autism is actually an evolutionary step forward and that the reason there are so many more now (aside from diagnosis mania) is that humans are advancing. He thinks the quirks are temporary simply misunderstood reactions to an out of balance world. He believes his inability to read other people's emotions allows him do what he needs to do without getting caught up in emotional morasses of insecurity or jealousy.

I asked him if he thought he would miss out on love and he said he was certain that when he found some one who was as evolved as he was they would be able to love each other on the same level.

It was a great discussion. He's a wonderful young man with a great career ahead of him as an engineer.

I have heard this theory before. It's a possibility. Who really knows? Furthermore, who would want to admit it may be true? It brings up an interesting perspective, though. Imagine that the neurotypical people became the minority and the people with autism decided that there needed to be a test to screen them out before they were born.

Well, isn't this what some are considering as an answer for autism?

Anyway, let me just say that I have a boyfriend. He is Laotian. The man I was with all of my adult life, from age 18 until just a few years ago, was Thai. I've never been able to have a relationship with a U.S. American man. This is something that has been mentioned by autism experts before--that people with autism/Asperger's get along with people from other cultures better than they get along with people from their own cultures. I've found this to be true.

My boyfriend is glad that I am the way I am. He compliments me all the time. He knows he doesn't need to worry about me flirting with other men. He wanted a loyal, straight forward woman and that's what he got with me, though he had to wait until we met again--2.5 years ago. (He sat behind me in the sixth grade.)

It's just as you mentioned above, for the young man, that he will know when he meets the person who understands him. That's just how it has to be for people like me. I think I'm extremely lucky. Some people never find someone who will treat them with respect and love and here I am, supposedly incapable of carrying on a relationship with another person, and I have what people are always complaining that they "wish" they had.

 

[mom'sfolly]

Ursus, I wonder if the dbf's different culture helps compensate for being neuro-atypical. Because the cross cultural differences are there, and are expected, missing non-verbal clues becomes less about autism and more about cultural differences. Just an idea...

I think many of the people I went to college with, and many of the computer professionals I know are probably closer to an autism spectrum disorder than to neurotypical. While I don't feel that I fit any of the spectrum, I have very poor facial recognition skills and name recognition. I must interact with a person multiple times before I can remember faces and names, and if I meet someone out of context, it can be difficult for me. This can cause some embarassment. My mother is the same way, and has a poor memory, but she makes notes of conversations and situations, and her notebooks run to volumes. She was in assisted living for about six months, and I saw her notes....she noted looks, conversations, personal likes, clothing, etc of people she met. I think she has developed incredible coping skills.

For the past three years, my older son has been partnered with two boys from the structured teach classrooms while they are in the integrated classroom. This has been his choice. These boys' moms love my kid, which makes me very proud. He enjoys their company, and appreciates them for who they are, and is willing to help them in the situations that are difficult for them, like parties, and movies. He is such a good kid.

 

[BarkerChickens]

Quote:
I think it is absolutely wonderful that you found a man that you love and that love you for you! You are exactly right that you "have what people are always complaining that they "wish" they had." Congrats to you!

mom'sfolly :

Ursus, I wonder if the dbf's different culture helps compensate for being neuro-atypical. Because the cross cultural differences are there, and are expected, missing non-verbal clues becomes less about autism and more about cultural differences. Just an idea...

That's a good point! Who knows...maybe? Maybe, too, our American culture just puts so much pressure on being "normal" (as if there is such a thing) and spending our life with "normal" that being with someone that doesn't fit the definition of "normal" is unacceptable. I think that it is a fault within our society that we feel that everything and everyone must be labeled (though I understand that the intentions are usually well meaningful).​

 

[AngieChick]

Quote:
Nope... my son is PDD. He is mostly non-verbal, reads at a second grade level, can only do basic math and he is 19. THAT is PDD.

Oooh, thank you for clarifying. I have known others that fall at the other end of the spectrum as your son who are classified as PDD as well, hence my confusion.

DS has Aspergers. Though his age is twelve, emotionally I would say he is closer to 8 or 9. He really just started being verbal the past couple of years, and now is fairly text -bookish. Before 5th grade or so when he would talk it was as if he were translating a foreign language in his head as he tried to figure out what to say. Now his issues are largely social/communication and black and white thinking.

It is so challenging for these kids to be seen for who they are. As a species we are so dependent upon communication to understand each other that when someone doesn't "function" in that area we struggle to connect. It takes some creative parenting and flexible thinking at times. I am finding the teen years so much harder than the younger years for him. We are just muddling through it doing the best we can.

 

[SarahBeth9394]

ursus I still have to say that you sound more like Aspergers. I'm almost certain you know that it is a subset on the spectrum and autistic disorder seems a broad name diagnosis. But all the things you describe about yourself and the way you communicate seem to fit with Aspergers. I'm not saying this to argue your diagnosis. I am saying it because there needs to be more research into Aspergers. Here evaluations are done every three years. I don't know when your last one was or the results. You communicate so well that if a more specific diagnosis of Aspergers was right I think so much more could be learned about it. Doctors and educators could have a better understanding as well as parents who's children are just being diagnosed.

 

[ursusarctosana]

mom'sfolly :

Ursus, I wonder if the dbf's different culture helps compensate for being neuro-atypical. Because the cross cultural differences are there, and are expected, missing non-verbal clues becomes less about autism and more about cultural differences. Just an idea...

I think many of the people I went to college with, and many of the computer professionals I know are probably closer to an autism spectrum disorder than to neurotypical. While I don't feel that I fit any of the spectrum, I have very poor facial recognition skills and name recognition. I must interact with a person multiple times before I can remember faces and names, and if I meet someone out of context, it can be difficult for me. This can cause some embarassment. My mother is the same way, and has a poor memory, but she makes notes of conversations and situations, and her notebooks run to volumes. She was in assisted living for about six months, and I saw her notes....she noted looks, conversations, personal likes, clothing, etc of people she met. I think she has developed incredible coping skills.

For the past three years, my older son has been partnered with two boys from the structured teach classrooms while they are in the integrated classroom. This has been his choice. These boys' moms love my kid, which makes me very proud. He enjoys their company, and appreciates them for who they are, and is willing to help them in the situations that are difficult for them, like parties, and movies. He is such a good kid.

You are exactly right, according to the theories, about the cross-cultural differences making up for the nonverbal communication challenges.

It is amazing what your mother does--all those notes. There are always people who will say, "It's not so bad!" but it is not hard to imagine them in the same situation with much less coping skills. It's always easy for them to say, but to live the life is another story.

Your son sounds like a smart person. He is understanding things about life that some people just never get.​

 

[ursusarctosana]

Quote:
Hello. I can clarify the situation for you. It is correct to say that I can fit into the category Asperger's. However, my formal diagnosis is Autistic Disorder because if I had been diagnosed as a child I would have been considered along the lines of high functioning autism which is under the diagnosis Autistic Disorder. This is an example of how autism fits the description of a developmental disability--it is always there, but a person can grow and learn and modify behavior as the years go by.

Also, it must be taken into consideration that I have a huge amount of determination. I met road blocks, gigantic and terrifying, many, many times, but I pushed forward. Some probably looked at this as stubbornness or bull-headedness, but this rigidity of mine helped me out in the long run. I wouldn't listen to anyone. I had to try and fail and not look at my experiences as failures and so forge another path through the 'deep snow'.

From early childhood I've had a curious and creative nature. I was fascinated with the printed columns on the back of the computer paper I used for drawing, even though I could not read. I memorized entire books-on-tape when I was five, repeating them over and over to anyone who would listen. I categorized, in my mind, things like dinosaurs and breeds of horses. This went on and on and no matter how bad my situation became I remained glued to some sort of special interest and a desire to prove I was not stupid.

I don't know how I made it through grade school. I refused to participate in PE every year. I received an F in fifth grade and the teacher said she passed me because I was "too old" to keep again. I barely squeaked by. In seventh grade I was placed in developmental level math and reading.

My reading comprehension was terrible. I remember reading a paragraph and feeling my neck grow hot when I could not recall what I just read. I quit school in the eighth grade (for many reasons not pertinent to this topic).

When I was seventeen, after years of wanting badly to join my peers and prove I was worthy of an education, I approached the school district and they tested me. I tested college level in every subject except math. So they sent me to summer school where I practically failed algebra, but passed English with such flying colors they placed me, at the end of summer school, as an senior and an honor's student.

This didn't work out, however, and I took a break, living with my grandparents for about 1.5 years and then moving to Seattle.

In Seattle I began community college. It was the most difficult part of my entire education. I had no idea how to study. (Remember, I only attended school until the middle of the eighth grade and only two months of high school as a senior--that's a huge gap.)

But I kept going. I attended the lower levels of math, but couldn't pass the algebra. I was overjoyed with marine biology and psychology and writing classes, though my GPA was not what I would have liked. Again, I didn't know how to study. I thought I had to know the entire book and my reading comprehension was so poor. I wanted, though, so badly to prove myself. I had nothing else.

After nearly completing an AA, I went to a technical school to learn business skills. I learned how to type with more than two fingers.

Then began my working career with an extremely tolerant company of kind people--the only good job I ever had.

I went to a private university to escape algebra--took stats instead.

I received my bachelor's degree and then my master's degree at this non-traditional private university.

In the end I spun my wheels and, while I learned a great deal, what I learned was that I didn't like the subject I received my degree in: business and management. In my naivete I did not know that this was the worst choice for me because I could not apply what I had learned.

So I got a master of fine arts in creative writing and a post-master's certificate in the teaching of writing after I was thirty years old. I was amazed that there were people in my program who were twenty two years old, because when I was twenty two years old I could not have handled the studies.

My grandmother read to me every day that I was with her when I was a child. She did this almost as obsessively as I enjoyed having her read stories to me. I believe this made a huge difference.

I also believe that my intense curiosity and my willingness to do a task again and again and again, passed the point where most people would be bored or exhausted, is the reason I am writing this to you right now.

 

[ursusarctosana]

Also, I want to go back to something I may have mentioned earlier: that a person considered low-functioning may still be able to communicate (in writing) better than the average person, so how well I write could have no bearing on whether I am Asperger's diagnosed or a person with classic Kanner's Autism.

 

[horsejody]

It's amazing how the human mind can work. We are all trapped in the minds and bodies that God gave us. My nephew is a high functioning autistic. He is never refers to himself in the first person. He lives far away so I don't get to visit with him. My sister told me once that he is fond of jigsaw puzzles, but he builds them with the back side of the pieces up. Our family is a bit odd because we have a history of a high rate of geniuses and schizophrenics. Everyone on Dad's side of the family is a loonie, a genius or a loonie genius. Everything is so delicately balanced in the brains. Our differences make us all amazing.