Nice Girl syndrome... so true

[catwalk]

I was raised to believe that every single person on earth was better than me, and whatever anyone else wanted was more important and must be accomodated. You can imagine the issues that it created for me in college....

It took a very long time to realize that I have value. Very bad things could have hapened to me, but I'm still here, making mistakes and making up for them. Because of my experiences, I have come to value everyone, and I take nobody for granted. I am now a vollenteer EMT (soon to be paramedic) with two local squads.

My message to "nice girls": Know who you are, and stand up for yourself. Don't be afraid to be as rude as the person who presumes to take advantage of you. Stand up for another girl who might be suffering the same thing, whether you like her or not. You may be the only "friend" she has, and you may change her life. The person who gave me courage was my first love. He didn't love me, and I wouldn't stoop to insult him if I saw him today, but he showed me that I was as worthy as anyone else, and I hope he knows how thankful I am for that.

 

[Spookwriter]

Just like the unicorn...the "nice girl" is a myth...

 

[PepsNick]

Great post! No one should be expected to do anything for anyone before themselves. Naturally, all animals put their needs first unless taught otherwise. That's how it should be- THEN help others. Your needs should be on top.

 

[Ec_Prokta]

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Really? Isn't that self-centered? I thought that everyone else needed to be taken care of first before you even think about taking care of yourself.

 

[aggie9296]

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Really? Isn't that self-centered? I thought that everyone else needed to be taken care of first before you even think about taking care of yourself.

Uh, that's kind of the point of the article and discussion. That's what girls and women are taught. And it leaves a lot of women very unhappy because they never take time to think of themselves.

Why is being self centered (to a degree) bad? If I'm unhappy or sick, I will not be able to take care of all the people and animals depending on me!

 

[Laurajean]

Quote:
Really? Isn't that self-centered? I thought that everyone else needed to be taken care of first before you even think about taking care of yourself.

Uh, that's kind of the point of the article and discussion. That's what girls and women are taught. And it leaves a lot of women very unhappy because they never take time to think of themselves.

Why is being self centered (to a degree) bad? If I'm unhappy or sick, I will not be able to take care of all the people and animals depending on me!

I think the key is to be compassionate and giving to the extent that it does not sacrifice your sense of self, and your well being.

 

[Ferrret]

Some women and men grow up to become doormats for other people, trying to please everyone but themselves.
It's more common among women to simply give in to the demands of others because that is how their parents, grandparents and great grandparents were raised. Many families still pressure their daughters to settle down and start families as soon as they are in their 20's, because that's what women are supposed to do. The same pressures can be pushed upon men, usually the eldest son, to continue the family name. These 'goals' in life aren't really necessary in much of the first world, but they are still long held onto beliefs and traditions.

Psychologically, there is Dependent Personality disorder, in which a person will not remove their self from a bad situation, be it they are a doormat to an abusive relationship. They depend on their relationships and friendships to sort of validate their life. These people usually need someone else to step in and remove them from a bad situation because they choose not to see how bad it really is. It isn't just women, although they may be the majority of reported cases, men suffer abusive relationships too. Not all 'doormat' people have Dependent Personality disorder, but many are likely candidates.

As for men becoming more childish, I don't really agree with one sided statements. Men and women are becoming more childish and it's more of the culture we have created than who is weighted with responsibility. Many first world countries have developed a culture of self-centered-ness. We're focused on ourselves, what we want, and the easiest way to get it. 'Doormat' people get trampled on by everyone else while they search for their ultimate, and typically unobtainable, bliss. People are maturing much more slowly, many adults don't fully stop maturing until their mid to late 20's. Some become more focused when life catches up to them, through having a kid, losing a loved one or simply growing up, some never really mature.
I've met people with different levels of maturity, from 20 year olds that are holding jobs, paying bills and own their own homes, to 40 somethings that still haven't gotten their life together.

 

[KristyHall]

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my mother calls it " being a victim of the fifties" she was born in 48, my grandmother was a ridged conservative woman who loved her children dearly but was very much "what will the neighbors think" sort of person. My mother was raised to be a pacifist, to be submissive to her husband, and men in general, and do what it takes to hold the family together

( though right before my grandmother died of cancer she finally divorced my grandfather, an abusive alcoholic and married a devout catholic man who teated her well.)

My mother did some rebellion against the male culture like becoming a welder as a single mother in the 70's even though she faced so much opposition she had to be escorted to her station to protect her from violence form the men who did not want women there, and my grandmother was the first woman and possibly the first minority foreman to the grand trunk western railroad. She was also the first foreman to know every single job there. She worked as the foreman until she died in (i think) 1966.

So while the women in my family made grade strides socially, in their personal life they still were submissive in the home.

while my mother tried to teach my sister and I to be strong she would occasionally through back. she would pull me aside and say things like "don't talk so much you'll run men off" and would try to get me to be nice like her.

she is a loving compassionate woman but can also be a doormat. and it is easy to take advantage of her, something i have tried very hard not to do since I was a teenager and recognized how gentle she really is.

it breaks my heart because I know she gave up a lot for others and she has a lot of regrets because of it

 

[ams4776]

Im a nice girl and proud of it. Yes I put my family needs in front of my own at least 95% of the time. I do the 'male' work at home while my dh puts in 50+ hrs a week so i can stay home. My sacrifices started the day i became pregnant. I am a college drop out and don't do alot of stuff just so i can raise my kids not some daycare. I have a spine when I need it but my husband is the man and as long as any decision is not going to hurt this family i support him. But being my dh and a great dad he also puts the family first more often then not. We have been being taught the haves are more important then family values. I also will be there for a friend as much as possible (did more b4 kids but they suck me dry lol) so being nice.is fine. Guys wanting fun is fine (fyi i love video games quads ect) One cant take those articles to heart because they rarely get the true meaning out there. Also how many single moms would really turn down the right guy? And if your hubby treats u as a doormat then he wasnt a good guy to marry. To many ppl marry young and quick instead of looking at the true qualities for a good husband or wife. Divorce is to common and quickly turned too. Okay im rambling now sorry. But i am proud to be a nice girl who doesnt put herself first and foremost. If you have to be first on your life then stay single and kid free. Marriage is a partnership and kids should always be first.in your life (though date nights are great lol)

 

[PepsNick]

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Really? Isn't that self-centered? I thought that everyone else needed to be taken care of first before you even think about taking care of yourself.

This is the discussion. It's mainly about women- Personally, I don't believe that it's fair that some people believe that they have to take care of men before themselves.