Nice Girl syndrome... so true

[Boyd]

Quote:
I hope so, I have 2 from a previous marriage, and one with the saint that consented to marry me.. And the other 16 over the years are a shared enterprise

 

[ChickenAlgebra]

DH and I just got our first foster kid. All the reasons on why now is a bad time lost to the reason the kid needed a home. DH never questioned helping, he's no pushover, but we do what is right, not what is easy.

 

[Boyd]

Quote:
it's also a visceral reaction to help and protect children, yours or others... Like I said on another board girly... I don't know your hubby but if he ever needs a hand....

He's my kinda people.

 

[Beekissed]

After a lifetime of being nice girl, it's very hard to retrain... every day is a struggle to balance true charity and kindness without being a pushover. One finally learns to obey the pain stimulus and move away from the source of the pain. Either make it stop or distance one's self...either way, it is a survival instinct that some women never seem to regain after years of conditioning.

 

[ams4776]

To bad stay at home moms get looked down on alot for not furthering themselves. I may go back to school when the kiddos go but i got years before that. My dh is up by 2 am and is beat when he gets home around 4. And i hate the question where was your dh because i fixed stuff. Being home has taught me things about myself id never know. Like capentry small plumbing repairs ect. All well i am just so glad i get to stay home that i would bend over backwards to keep my love happy.

 

[LD Jackson]

I have been reading some of this topic and wanted to say this. Men and women are different, but equal. That isn't a bad thing, just the way God made us. Marriage really is a partnership, but many couples, both men and women, do not realize that. My marriage vows said I will cherish and protect my wife and if I fail to do that, it's on me, not on her.

Just for the record, look at my signature. My wife really is my best friend and I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[PepsNick]

I'm not pointing to anyone.

Boyd.

 

[chickened]

The proof here is in the pudding, nice girls get picked first. My wife would be considered a nice girl and I plucked her from the nest at 18 (as some would say) she is a stay at home mom takes care of me and our kids, does not work outside the home, tends her critters and rides her horse 2 to 3 times a week. Her and I are very happy.

Men are attracted to nice girls which is probably why they get married early on and the not so nice well lets just say they get rode hard and put away wet. Or not marry at all because a man really wants a wife that is compassionate not a virago.

Men now days have been taught or at least have been attempted to be taught that there is really no differences between the sexes and anything a man can do so can a woman, well that is just a lie. The school tried to do everything they could to suppress normal male behavior except telling them to sit down to pee. Some men and women like being a doormat it is a choice.

If I were say 30 years old wanting to get married and seeing all my friends get married I may start asking myself a few questions and do a bit of self examination. Some are eunuchs by choice.

 

[ChickenAlgebra]

I'm not a nice girl at all, in the terms being used here. I couldn't be, or I'd be stuck in hell or dead by now given what the biological material donors think I needed to learn. If I'd stayed and followed their lead, I'd be drunk, high, not married, probably with as many kids as I have now, but with all different fathers if I even knew who their fathers were. I don't automatically put everyone else first. If it doesn't help me and will instead hurt me, I'm not doing it. BTDT, got out of it.

Got married at 19. Will be married 20 years next month, we're raising 8 bio kids and 1 foster kid, with 2 more kids due in September. I'm still thankful every day that I'm married to my best friend and have given my kids a great father who has taught them to be strong, independent individuals who are rapidly growing up and leaving the nest.

Just because I'm not a pushover doesn't mean I'm not a decent person. I could be my donors example of a nice girl and I'd be an immoral, horrible person. Or I can be exactly what I am now and be a mostly decent person. I may be blunt and forget to filter what my mind thinks some days, but that's not what makes me good or bad.

 

[australorpchick]

I consider myself pretty lucky that I come from a long line of strong women, I guess in this case you could call them mean girls. I work in the construction industry and intimidate most of the men I work with. I find this very amusing, since most of them stand a good 6"-12" taller than I do and outweigh me by at least 100lbs. However, by performing my job well, gives all of us a chance to make more money, so most appreciate what I do.

Usually I agree with you Chickened, but on this one I've got to disagree. There are three girls in my generation and we were all raised to be mean girls. I am the only one of the three who actually lives the lifestyle and I'm the happiest. I am the youngest of the entire family and was the first to be married, at 19, and the only one of the three girls to still be married, almost 16 years later. I've seen many "nice girls" who think that being nice is all it will take to get a man and keep him, only to be mistreated and dumped for someone more interesting. Perhaps what men want, changes with each generation. I've made it a point in my marriage to always keep my husband on his toes, make sure he never gets bored and never let myself go. Poor man, I'm the whirlwind that blew into his life and hasn't stopped. Sometimes he's not sure where he is or how he got there, but he's happy and never, ever bored. There is very little that DH needs or wants, that I haven't managed to figure out how to obtain or accomplish, but on the other hand, he does the same for me. That's what's important in a relationship - doing things because you want to, not because you believe you have to.

I respect homemakers, but there are far less homemakers in my opinion, than those who call themselves homemakers. For example, I respect those that actually raise and teach their children at home. When my girls were little, I was a horrible teacher, therefore, I worked. I've met many "homemakers" who lived what I consider to be a vacation. People who did not understand why I played Unsympathetic on my invisible violin, after whining about their day to me, which was the equivalent to what I did after working a full day.