Nice Girl syndrome... so true

[ams4776]

Australopchick i agree about homemakers that are on vacation. I don't do that else id work. But i am sick of watching my neighbors kids all the time cuz she wants to stay inside. I've planned much time away this summer because of it. But i do respect the women who do work out there. To each their own. Before kids i was the only girl who worked in the warehouse i was at while going to school. I dont think being a doormat is good but we all should also help take care of all our loved ones. I just dont like the thought of girls being taught to become little hiltons or thos new jersey girls. That is what i would think of as a mean girl which i have no respect for which is way different from a backbone.
oh for the neighbor prob she is in the fam so at that point saying what i wish u could would start a firestorm. Not worth it yet but tides are changing around here quickly. Hehehe. I do have a devious side when i need it.

 

[ChickenAlgebra]

I think my biggest issue here is...

The reading seems to be that nice girls are pushovers. Anyone who isn't a nice girl is a mean girl.

I don't think I'm a mean person. Maybe others disagree, even here. I'm blunt, sure. I'm potentially crass and rude at times. I'm a little twisted and warped. But I'm not a mean or bad person as a whole. My husband doesn't think I am. My kids think I'm a mean mom some days, but they are learning as they get closer and closer to adults that for all the horrible mean rules they had to follow, they've turned out a LOT better off than some classmates who had "nice" parents. My job means I go out in public and interact with people on some of their worst days in their work life, and despite that, they frequently tell my boss how glad they are to work with me and my handpicked team because we are so kind and polite to work with and how much we help them.

So where do those of us who aren't mean, but aren't pushovers fit in?

 

[KristyHall]

Quote:
I think what the authors of these articles, books, and studies are saying is that many girls and women are so busy trying to be overly nice, as we often are raised to be, that we go over board and forget about our own needs,and are cautioning people not to mistake being a doormat for being kind. a person can be kind and compassionate and not a doormat at the same time.

 

[australorpchick]

Quote:
I think what the authors of these articles, books, and studies are saying is that many girls and women are so busy trying to be overly nice, as we often are raised to be, that we go over board and forget about our own needs,and are cautioning people not to mistake being a doormat for being kind. a person can be kind and compassionate and not a doormat at the same time.

Very true. My coworkers might describe me as whip-wielding, but I'm a marshmellow when it comes to animals and kids who lack structure at home, flock to our house.

 

[ChikeeMomma]

I put my hubby's and children's needs above my own at times, but I think that's life -- I absolutely love and care for them and meet their needs (to me, that's my job). And my hubby does the same. I do stay at home and love my life! Many times, I am completely exhausted by the end of the day. My oldest daughter does go to public school, but I am completely involved (volunteer weekly, in communication with teacher, etc). I have one at home still, too. I don't think that I'd go back to work until they are much older and even then, I'd be particular (as long as I was allowed that luxury).

I was probably much more of a pushover when I was in my early 20s and I can't blame my upbringing for that. I think that's just who I was. Now I say no when I'm too tired or busy, but I also love helping people or doing kind things for others.

 

[redhen]

Theres nothing wrong with being a nice person...
Its when you become a doormat that i begin to worry about you.

 

[chickened]

Beleive me when I say my wife is not a doormat her mother took care of that. She gets cranky in the morning before coffee but pretty much does what I request within reason. However I am the type of person that you love me or hate me most of the time anyhow.

I am not sure the researcher are right on all they say either.

As far as being a doormat it is a choice maybe not a good choice but a choice nevertheless. I know my sister lived with a wife beater for 9 years and after having enough she left him.

 

[hannakat]

Quote:
x2

Awesome post ams4776

 

[hikerchick]

I don't think that if you aren't a "nice girl" (i.e. doormat, pushover), that you are automatically a mean girl. To me, there is such a thing as a healthy selfishness. It doesn't mean that you don't care about anyone else but yourself. It means that you take care of yourself so that you have more to give to others in your life. When my daughter was in the hospital after trying to committ suicide, I made sure to take some time out of visiting her and working full time to make sure that I ate healthy and hiked a little bit. I needed to take care of my own body and soul so that I could be there for her. If I got 100% sucked into doing nothing but working and attending to her needs, I would have completely fallen apart and been no good to her or to myself.

I put my child first but not at the expense of taking care of myself. I think that is the mistake that many women make. They feel guilty for taking care of themselves because they have been raised to believe that everyone else matters more than they do. I have always felt that the best thing that I can do for the people I love is to take care of myself first so that I can continue to be there for them.

As far as men go- the only way I would ever put a man's needs before mine is if he did the same thing. And I have never found one that was willing to do that. I am not going to put someone first on my list if I come last on his.

 

[mamagardener]

I was raised to be kind and considerate, but to look out for number one, because if you don't no one else will.